Wow I got a painful earful from my husband this morning

Don't give up. I received zero support from my family after my takedown. I live alone so I've had to handle things myself. My doctor has been a great support and made me see that we are all alone and it's up to us to make the best of it. This has made me a way stronger person and I'm sorta happy that it has unfolded this way. People around me have commented that I am more confident and strong, I just smile and say thank you I'm not sure why your pain is so high...I'm taking Tylenol #3 to make things manageable. Are you taking anything for pain?

I am taking 500 mg Xifaxin, 5 mg Diazepam every four hours and 10 mg oxycodone every four hours. Most recent doc thinks the pain receptors in the j-pouch are stuck in a highly receptive state and nothing can be done. In other words, he does not have a clue what is wrong. Time for another doctor and a third opinion. Meanwhile, my family is going to a New Year's Eve party. I am glad they will have fun but it is hard to be alone for yet another holiday celebration.
I suspect my husband will be dumping me soon. Chronically ill and unemployed is not what he wants. Happy New Year.

I was in your shoes....didn't want to take all the meds...especially because they really were not working...end ileo...best decision...got my life back. :-)

How long have you been married?

Subzeromambo

I'm so sorry you are getting so little understanding.
I was also invited to 3 different events tonight.
I turned them all down.
And one I REALLY wanted to go to as I'm sure my honey did too. But it would have been so crowded that at the least, I would have walked around with my arms wrapped around my belly protecting me still tender incision site from my surgery last month.

I had other issues wrong with me for the last 20 years that are unrelated to digestive track. But none-the-less, I had to deal with a lot of pain and it had a big impact on my sex life as it developed and got worse. My honey actually told me once that it was all in my head. When he saw the pictures of the cysts, scar tissue and blister looking things on my insides, he said "I guess there really is something there to hurt". Ya think?

He has gotten better and been a dream to me this year. I have no idea what to suggest to you for getting your husband to understand and be more compassionate. Could this morning been just a temporary outburst because of the stress he is under with your illness? (my honey does have issues because he think he should be able to "solve my problems" and can't when it is one of my chronic issues or this digestive track stuff. so far he is keeping it to himself)

Jen

kCookie, We have been married 25 years. Together for 30 years.
Jenmystique, I e-mailed him some IPS information. Hopefully, that will help him be a little more understanding.
Right now I am avoiding him as much as possible. I would have to say this is this worst New Year's I have ever had. I pray I can be healthy enough to have my own income and my own house.

I hope things improve for you across the board in 2013.
Many people in my world had horrid 2012 year. We all need improvements in our world and I hope you husband gains some understanding and compassion and the issues you've been having medically work out. I'm currently hoping that my take down will be the "thirds the charm" surgery for me in 2013.

I hope and pray that you begin to feel better every day. Keep us posted--we care. Anyone that has had this surgery AND all the pain and meds building up to it is incredibly strong and resilient.

I know you don't want to hear this. I have been there. At some point I had to have sympathy for what my problems were putting my husband and kids through. I at least could point to my health and pain as my excuse but complaining when you are the support person is just seen as selfish. I would suggest you both seek some support from discussion boards or groups to give you both a place to feel supported. He wants his wife back....it is okay to support him in his grief. Remember he has lost the former you and the life you once had. He should be able to grieve that just like you have. I suggest Dr. Bo Shen...he really helped me. Worth the trip.

I just had an argument with my husband on Saturday. He married me two years after my pouch surgery so you would think he would know better. I asked him if we were going to visit his mother could we keep the visit to no more than 3 hours so that I wouldn't end up grabbing my belly in pain. We were there for 5 hours and I got really mad at him. His remark was, "I'll never ask you to go to my mother's again". He doesn't get that I rarely go anywhere for more than 3 hours because I usually end up in pain and needing to use the bathroom repeatedly. We've been married for 21 years.

Theresa

I have started urging DAMN BRIAN to go to functions and activities on his own. I haven't been with him to visit his parents in years because his mother has taken first place in Most Negative Person EVER. And she's a racist and a misogynist.

He also now goes off hiking on his own or with our very good friend. It's wonderful! Perhaps you can get your husband to start doing some things on his own when you don't feel up to it. And you should also sit him down and tell him in a calm way (when you're able) just how much his words wounded you.

kathy

I did sit him down and explained why his words were so hurtful. I had printed out postings of similar hurtful occasions between husbands and wives on another site dedicated to chronic illness so that he would know it was not an uncommon conflict. It helped a little bit but the true cause of the conflict has nothing to do with my being ill. He has ADHD and lacks the ability to feel empathy.

I also gave him the Mayo Clinic Pain chart so that he would understand that when I said the pain level was a 7 he would understand that for me that meant I was dealing with pain greater than childbirth and it was interfering with my ability to socialize or even think straight.

Your comment about hiking was very apropo. He publishes books about hiking and keeps a daily blog. He logs between 100 and a 150 miles of deep forest hiking a month. Just about the only magazine his hiking adventures have not been in is The Smithsonian. PBS filmed a show about his hiking in October.

His hiking is horrible for me. There is nothing like coming home from the hospital and throwing up for days while your husband goes out for a nice hike leaving no one to take care of you. It is an avocation and addiction that gives him great satisfaction but I wish he would do a little planning so I would not be left trying to clean up vomit when I can't walk.

I appreciate your suggestion but the only thing that will help is an increased influx of income so I can hire help. I am working hard at starting my own business that I can do from home.

The doctors have still not helped me. I have lost my appetite and have to force my self to drink protein shakes and stay hydrated. I have a feeling there will be a simple solution if I can only get in to see someone. The earliest appointment I could find is January 28th.

I'll go to the er if dehydration becomes an issue. I can deal with the pain, it rarely increases and usually keeps at a steady 5 but the complete loss of appetite is weird.

Flexible sigmoidoscopy showed no anatomical reason for the pain. I keep cutting my pills in half but I have now been on oxycodone for almost three years. I keep the level below what studies have shown to lead to addiction but that means I am never pain free. Imagine drilling yourself in language fluency while in pain. It is hard to put things into long term memory. There is a lot of extra work involved.

I think it is time to see Bo Shen in Cleveland.

I feel really bad for you. It is very very difficult to deal with inter personal/ relationship conflict when you are not well, it is hard enough when you are well. Pain at your level is unacceptable on a long term basis it will slowly drive you to ground. Yes I think it past time to see an expert.
I watched my life being controlled by my pouch function and said enough. I now have end ileo. That may not be right for you but at a certain point we have to decide do we want to live a pouch centered life, or just live our lives with the external pouch which I have found takes very little attention.

Maybe u should sneak him a bar of exlax and watch him make a run for the bathroom. Maybe he would have a little more empathy. Lol

Subzero,
I don't want to make this response too long but here I go...my hubby married me between surgeries 9-18 of round 2 of 'sick-pissed-angry-pouch'...we had been dating 4 days when the pouch problems started, surgeries just accumulated along with complications, disasters and near death sort of moments...meaning that the guy should have been somewhat used to the idea...NO. Once we were married (4 yrs later) and I had to be rushed back to O.R. time and again with very long painful convalecent periods in between (split suture lines, hernias, strangulations, occulsions etc) he became taciturn, pissed, angry and even jealous of my disease ( I used to think that he was jealous of my surgeon who saw me naked much more often than he did at that point)...because I was no longer there for him...it became all about me...my pain, pouch, blood, puss, guts, meds, doctors etc...family & friends would call or visit for me, every last penny spent was for my surgeries etc...he was being ignored by everyone and I was not there for him at all...For a man who hated illness, doctors and hospitals he way being served up a mega dose and not handling it well at all...(Karma is such a Bi-ch!)...I couldn't work, go out or get dressed up...all of those yummy, pre-paid business weekends, international trips and fancy dinners were cancelled because of me (he refused to go alone saying that he didn't get married to be alone all of the time)...I lived in a world between fear, pain and guilt...where was the love and support? Where was the understanding? Isn't that what marriage was about? We have been together for 13yrs and married for 8...I have had over 19 surgeries in that time...It took a lot of pain, stress, comprehension and screaming (I never used to scream!) to finally reach a place where we could understand eachother... and it is a very recent thing too...my last surgery was in March, he took it better because there was a begining, middle and end to it...it did not drag out forever...some of Our spouses cannot wrap their heads around endless, unending illness with no finish line...they need to know when it will end, when they will get their spouse back, when they will get back to normal... we need to give them a new, acceptable normal that they can understand...something livable...there were times when my 'invisible pain' (no cast or blood to show off) was so incomprehensible to him that I wanted to wack his foot with a baseball bat and say,' that is how much it hurts'...this disease stole so much from me, physically, emotionally and financially that I refuse to give it my marriage too...so I fight in the tiny little ways that I can, when and if I can..Spoiling him if possible with love, food and understanding...and he in turn spoils me with gratitued and love because he finally understands the cost of my efforts.
Don't know if this will help you but maybe it can.
Hugs
Sharon

My husband can be a big a$$hole too. I welcome his bike rides.

I use to be the life of the party and now I won't even go. Fortunately for me he doesn't like to socialize much and the parties were mainly with my friends and their spouses. I digress.

I've been told I'm no fun any more, screamed at, belittled and he's been plain nasty to me. I got so I put my hands over my ears and refused to listen. He was really good until around 6 months ago, my surgeries were 2 years ago. I also have fibromyalgia.

Then he saw a the pictures of my cuffitis after my local GI's flexscope and saw the concern in the GI's face when he said he didn't know what else to do and sent me to the GI specialist he went to school with there. I'd been there in 1998 for a second opinion. He still got ornery after that. I don't know what I wrote but I sent him a gigantic email and he's been better. He flew me to Florida and he drove down as he knows how hard it is for me to ride in the car for very long. He drives me to medical appts as I have neuropathy in my feet.

He's still an a$$hole but not as bad. I encourage him to go on vacations with his brothers, camping fishing, biking etc. I'm glad to stay at home. He is retired, which may help. He consulted last year so was meaner then.

I am now receiving social security disability in addition to my LTD insurance. Still not what I mad before all of the S$!t. That was an eye opener when we filed for that.

I also have depression, PTSD and anxiety. SO not only am I dealing with pain but it's a mess. I have literally lost me and have to find a new med. My therapist is an excellent sounding board when he goes into a$$hole mode. I asked him to come with me into see her so she could explain more what chronic pain and illness is like. SO far he has refused. So if he goes off I cover my ears and say, "I can not take this" and leave the room. I refuse to argue with him when he is being unreasonable.

I'm so sorry your pain is so horrible. I take Norco, some tramadol when that won't handle it. Ibruprofen or Migrane Excedrin if the headaches are too bad and Gabephenten for my feet. I am usually at least a 4. To tell you the truth if I can't stand it I drink a mixed drink, which I know is not advisable. When the Alien(adhesions) that live inside of me are gnawing their way out it is an 8 and I will do anything to cut that pain down.

We've been married 37 years - got married young. I don't know if he's waiting for me to die or what. Seriously. He has been wonderful lately so I better watch out what he is putting in my food, lol.

I'd say you are right in going to the Cleveland Clinic. I don't think my pain would go away with an end ileo as I have too much adhesion pain and see that operation as doing nothing more than making new adhesions.

Good luck, if it helps you, you are not alone.

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Reply

I understand how you feel. My husband died over 7 years ago but before that he went on with his life like I wasn't even around and I found out after he died he had had a girlfriend for several months. My biggest issue now is my dad. He has always thought I was just acting sick to get out of school and work. In June of 09 I had my end ileo surgery and had to be readmitted to hospital 3 times for infections and dehydration. The doctor told my parents to call in my family because he did not think I was going to make it. Finally my dad began to believe I was really ill and had been for a long time (pretty much all my life.) Now my daughter ignores me when I say I don't feel well because she has been hearing it all her life and I am sure she is sick of it.

I guess if you don't have chronic pain/illness it is hard to have empathy but it would be nice if they understood that we hate being sick more than they hate being around someone whom is sick and would do just about anything to feel better and be able to have a normal life.

I am very sorry your husband is being this way to you. He needs to understand the stress is only making you feel worse.

I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

I'm a guy, married over 25 years and my wife is a Narrcist Bitch. My in-laws also made me suffer and looked at my wife with rose-colored glasses.

They got fed up with my complaining too and in-laws would complain to my wife. I would tell my wife that I will stop complaining if your dad does not say Jesus and the Gospel is full of Sh%%. All your family does since I have known them is constantly critize how I speak, how I think, and say things that seem funny to them but to me are painful and hurtful. No use. Fell of deaf ears.

My Christmas in 2012 was the best Christmas I had in I don't know how many years. I wAS alone. I hate going over to the in-laws and feel like I am under a microscope. MIL initiated in Christmas, 2011 that all the kids should open their gifts from the grandparents and uncles and aunts on Christmas Eve and the adults can open their gifts on Christmas Day.

How considerate they are because my parents and family are not even considered. Last year I spent Christmas Day with them, but not Christmas Eve.

This year, I got into a big argument with my wife and my two kids, both teens, spent Christmas Eve with me and my family while my wife went to her family.

On Christmas Eve at 11:00 pm, my wife asked me where I was spending Christmas Day. I told her I assume with your family. She tells me On no, you got the kids on Christmas Eve, I get them on Christmas Day. Then she adds that her family, especially her mother did not appreciate and were disappointed in my behavior for being so UNREASONABLE ABOUT CHRISTMAS EVE.

I can't believe this. I wanted my kids with my family, my parents are in their 80;s too, on Christmas Eve but MIL said I am being unreasonable because she couldn't have my kids on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

So I said OK. I was actually greatful. The only problem I had is two of my siblings were hosting Christmas Day and one of them was going to their in-laws. However, I had peace this year on Christmas Day. Didn;t have to hear stupid conversations from my in-laws.

It seems to me that your marriage, like mine, is a sham. From my end, there is no love in my marriage, nor am I interested in reconcilation even if my wife begged me. Too many years of cruelity from her and her family.

My problem is being the man, the NJ Law will screw me financially. My wife has worked as a Substitute teacher in at least 8 schools in our county. They never bring her back. The last job she had she got fired, once again because of her stupid mouth. She told an 8th grade student to SHUT THE "F" UP.

Last year, my lawyer said I would have to pay her $1,700 a month alimony until I retire and $700 month child support.

Since you are a women, you have that on your side. People will never know what we are going through because they have no empathy for others, just themselves.

Rocket
Rocket

Rocket,
We almost got divorced around year 15, we are at year 37 now. My husband's attorney told him he was lucky I had such a good job and education. It really sucks that someone who's unemployable, because they are a mess/jerk/narcissist, should be able to receive alimony and be rewarded for their awful behavior.

I'm assuming she wouldn't attract a new husband at this point and you'd be stuck. Isn't there a time limit on the alimony there? I've usually seen time limits like 5 years. That is supposed to give them the time to get employable. It might be worth it to get her off of your back. Plus are you sure the kids would even want to remain in her custody?

Some days I wonder if he wishes we would have gotten divorced. Now I'm totally dependent and am on disability. I'm pretty depressed and anxious too. He is an a$$hole at times but I think it is out of frustration as he usually is good to me.

Hi TE Marie,

I saw an attorney last year and that is what she told me. Seeing a different attorney later this month.

That is what the NJ Laws are I guess and it really does suck.

I was not diagnose with UC until Sept, 1985 and I met my wife in Oct, 1984 and I almost bet their is a connection. My sisters told me that couldn't stand her from the get-go because she had this personality that she is better then they were.

I remember at times we would drive through a neighborhood and we would drive by some property where the grass was high and it looked like it hadn't been cut for at least 2 weeks in the Spring when the grass really grows very fast. Anyway, she would say, "That is a family who must be White Trash for letting their grass grow like that with those dandalions really tall." We are both white people.

She makes these comments without even knowing or even seeing these people. When I drove by that same house one day, the couple who lives there were elderly and the husband had to use a walker just to move. When I told that to my wife, she says then they are lazy SOB's and should hire someone to cut it for them. I said maybe they are on a limitied income? Doesn't do any good to argue with her so I dropped it.

She and her family feel that their SH%% doesn't stink. Being in their company is like taken poison.

One high school manager of the English Dept said he couldn't hire her because 4 teachers threaten they would quit because of her annoying and grating personality.

The job she was fired from she told me she told the principle that she has a lot of recommendations from several schools in Hunterdon County, from teachers, parents and students (students, don't hold any water) and you don't want to mess with me.

Can you imagine telling the person you work for "You don't want to mess with me?" Yet its their fault not hers. I could see if she didn't get along with one person, maybe due to a personality conflict, but 8 schools now. She will not look in the mirror and say, maybe its me.

The kids will not stay with me either because I think they feel they need her and probably due out of fear. Even the neighbors have told me that they have heard my wife scream and curse at them if they are outside trying to take care of the property. She even called my daughter "A FU%%ing Bitch" and my daughter confirmed that with me.

I was supposed to go on a Pilgrimage to Italy last October but my son said he feared for his safety so I did not go. I have told her in the past that my son is afraid of your temper. And what does she do? She goes to him and screams at him and curses him again because he told me.

I only stay for the kids. I am trying to convince my daughter who is in the 10th grade that when she goes to college, she should go away to school and not drive to and from school everyday like her mom did. Thus far, she does not agree with me.

My son, who has ADHD, will probably never go to a college except a county college right now.
Rocket.

She is hurting your kids with her yelling and name calling. What a tyrant. I wouldn't bet on them staying with her. In any event I admire you staying there to try to buffer in-between them and her crazy self.

She has a degree and should be able to hold a job. She just feels the entitled and needs to tell everyone what to do and how to do it. I have an Ex-friend that's the same way. She has a degree in fashion or something like that. She always worked retail but thought she knew better than everyone, superiors and all. She's been fired from every retail clothing and jewelry store in a big metropolitan area over the last 30 years. I feel sorry for her husband but he's stuck because of financial reasons. She is also a compulsive shopper. His inheritance of prime real estate was put in both or their names by his mother. Inheritances are not includable in marital assets if you keep them segregated and don't commingle them with marital assets. In many states, maybe all, I don't know. When she told me to "suck it up" 3 months after my take down surgery I "fired" her like everyone else has.

TE Marie,

I could see if I was forced to pay alimony for 3 years say, but until I retire? Just when am I supposed to live my life if I am still changed to her? Her family is no better either.

But once I am on my own, I hope to meet someone again, this time fall in Love as I still believe in the institution of marriage and know there are great women out there. But how could I afford to possible live with such a limited income if I have to pay alimony until I retire.

Worse, my priest told me I have to forgive and pray for them and that is something I do not know how to do. However, it would be beneficial to me, health wise and spiritually to really forgive the whole lot of them.

Rocket

Maybe you can stop bathing, wear dirty clothes, quit shaving and act as gross as possible. Do nothing around the house etc. Make her leave you. Don't touch her or talk to her much less scream at her, nothing appearing abusive. Or do any or all of the suggestions, pretend you are coming home drunk. Ask your boss to temporarily fire you, she can go let daddy and mommy support her negative self-absorbed self. I guess you would want to wait until the kids move out of the house for school or whatever.

TE Marie,

My wife and I haven't slept in the same bedroom since June, 2006. Nor do I miss it. I do miss the intamacy with a women, just not with my wife. I wish my wife could meet some guy and take her off my hands but no man would be that stupid nor would a man put up with the crap she dishes out.

Maybe that isn't right to say that I miss intamacy wiht another woman but humans do need intamacy and I have none.

My wife better not marry an Italian again either. My FIL would refer to me as Guinea and even my dad (who was born in Italy) that when my wife was born, the first thing he said to my MIL was "As long as she doesn't marry a Guniea." And this was only the second time that both sets of parents were invited to our home before we had kids.


Rocket
Rocco

I meant not to hit or beat her, not sleeping together is a given! I guess I shouldn't have been joking around as it is a serious subject. It would be great if she would leave you and for another man. That would be a dream and might help financially with the alimony.

TE Marie,

That would be great if some other guy had an interest. Do you know of any guy in NJ that you really can't stand? I wouldn't want to fix up my wife with a nice, sweet man. That would be too cruel.

Rocket

You are so right, we'd need to find as big an a$$ wipe con man as we could. I just don't know how you do it, life is so short. I wish you could tell her off, with your children out of the house, tell her what the world sees her as. She is probably very insecure under all, like all bullies are.

I feel bad for dissing her, BUT, one regret in all of my illnesses and advancing age is all the time I let people rob me of that didn't deserve it. Life is too short and there are many cases where I tried more than I should have, over and over and over again with family, friends and in work situations. I've learned how, in over a year of therapy, to fire the remaining toxic people in my life. The biggest one being my mother. She is crazy, literally.

I could go on with lists of other examples. I know money is a concern but I hate to see you waste a minute more with that woman and her family. I was one child that never wanted my parents to remarry and I moved in with my dad and step-mom as soon as I could make up my own mine a week after I turned 13. In the 60's the mom always got the child. I should have never let her back in my life.

So soory to hear about your mother. That must have been just terrible.

That is what I told my priest too, that life is too short and I am 57 yrs old, just when will I enjoy the one life God gave me?

She has to be insecure. But in the past, I didn't see it, I blamed myself actually because she made me feel so stupid. The in-laws, would even treat me bad in my house. Back in June, 2006, my BIL (married to wife's sister) continued to harbor on a topic for over 3 yrs that I repeatedly told him to knock it off as I didn't find it funny. Well, finally I snapped and got in his face.

Its a long story so I don't want to drag into this. However, this time, he started on me in front of my brother which hummiliated me and embarassed me. Anyway, he had it coming when I told him the things he were saying to me were very personal and I can make this personal too, and if I do, its going to get ugly and I will be happy to oblige you.

Later in the day, he tells his wife who tells my wife that I was very harsh and rude to him, I hurt his feelings and ruined his day. Then I really lost my temper with my wife because she defended him, even after I told her that his comments for over 3 years continued as I would tell him in a nice way to knock it off. What a pu%%y he is, excuse my language.

Anyway, the wife and her family got on my back for the next two weeks to apologize to him which I refused to do. They wanted me to apologize first and he would not apologize to me at all. Finally, it got to a point that put me in such a situation that I had to be hospitalized for 5 days for attempted suicide. They insisted I apologize. I never have and never will. He had it coming and all I did was stand up to a bully. I remember my priest telling me in the hospital that I did nothing wrong to apolgize for.

This a-hole of a BIL of mine even tells my wife that he feared for his wife and 2 small children (ages 5 & 3 at the time) that I was going to harm them. That never even crossed my mind, but my wife believed him.

My wife and her family see themselves as superior and perfect so there is no point in even wasting my time to discuss it. Evenetually they will all die and will have to face God for how they treated me for so many years. So I don't seek vengence on them, I leave that in God's hands. It will be more worse for them when they have to meet their maker then anything I could ever even think of.

In any event, I still need to move on and forgive them but that won't be easy.

Rocket

Getting back to the original topic....Thank you all for your supportive posts. It meant a lot to me to learn that almost everyone goes through some marital difficulties because of chronic illness.
I also learned two things that helped. I was extremely depressed. It turned out my deficient Vitamin D levels of less than 4 were a huge contributing factor. I take 6000 IU of Vitamin D plus calcium. I am also taking a low dosage anti-depressant to stop the irritable pouch spasms. I am surprised at how little pain I have now. As long as I eat very small, easy to digest meals the pain is manageable.
My husband apologized and we are doing better. My depression was very hard for him to live with.

quote:

I am also taking a low dosage anti-depressant to stop the irritable pouch spasms.

I am just wondering if you have tried anti-spasmodics like donnatal, bentyl or lomotil which are more frequently prescribed for these issues. While the anti-depressant may have a dual purpose in your case, I find that donnatal is best at calming a spasmodic pouch. I had severe issues with a very spasmodic pouch for a year after takedown and it died down over time, but I still take one donnatal at bedtime.

Subzeromamba,

I am glad everything is getting better and he apologized. It's great that your pain level has gone down. I don't know if I told you earlier or not, I take Dicyclomine, an antispasmodic, to help with my IPS. I also take 2 different kinds of antidepressants and Imodium. (I was prescribed a different antispasmodic a few months ago and got sick from it.) I still have daily abdominal pain so take Norco for that and it slows things down. I try to eat soft foods until the evening meal. I make a protein smoothie, yogurt, soups etc. and snack during the day as I never take medication without eating food with it. I have 2 in the morning that I need to take on an empty stomach.

Can you tell me what kinds of things you eat during the day in your small meals. Obviously what I'm doing isn't working and I'm 2 years take down. I am also scared I am going to gain the weight back that I lost post surgeries as due to these problems I have fibromyalgia and neuropathy. When I get my pain under control I want to exercise again....
Thanks

CT, I asked the new gi's nurse to ask the gi about giving me donnatal or bentyl for the spasms. I tried lomitil and it did not work. She laughed at me and would not pass the message on saying "that was a ridiculous treatment and wherever did I hear of it?" I have an appt with a gi for the end of January. I am not feeling very hopeful. I might ask a friend who is a general surgeon to go with me. I am so tired of being treated like an idiot. Thank you for the suggestion. I will continue to follow up on it. The donnatal sounds perfect.

TEMarie,
Bentyl is contraindicated foe people with asthma so I cannot take it. It is a good idea though.
My small meals are probably not the healthiest. I have really lost my appetite.
A few slices of cheddar cheese with rice crackers, very small (about 6 oz) of protein shakes with soy yogurt, strawberries, banana and ice, tapioca pudding, a teaspoon of peanut butter, small quantities of plain Japanese rice. I focus mainly on getting all of the vitamins and minerals through 3 TB of a liquid supplement. It tastes awful but my primary care doctor thinks it will help until the gi gets me on better meds.

I eat some of the same things I even make a protein shake with peanut butter and a banana Sorry about your asthma. I take a zillion supplements and vitamins, my Internist monitors my blood work and my nutritionist helped me select them.

I know what it is to not want to eat as I didn't for at least a year after my surgeries. If my husband didn't make dinner every night I would have just had plain ole chicken noodle soup or nothing. Nothing tasted right either. I still don't crave anything and he plans the meals. I do cook some of them again.

Lastly, when did that doctor's nurse get her medical degree? My GI is the one that first prescribed an antispasmodic for me.

I never heard of Bentyl (dicyclomine) being contraindicated for asthmatics. Donnatal, Levsin, and other antispasmodics are chemically similar and in the same class of anticholinergics. I've heard some folks mention a contraindication of Benadryl (diphenhydramine), but only for treating an asthma attack because of cough suppression, not in general. Was that what you were thinking of? Similar name, completely different drug.

As to why your GI's nurse would think antispasmodic prescription was not appropriate, I wonder if she is actually even a nurse, but perhaps just the receptionist. I think her response to you was the inappropriate thing. Even if your query was crazy, it is not her job to decide what message to relay to your doctor That stuff just plain irks me and makes me glad I can email all my docs directly. Let them tell me themselves if they think my ideas stink!

Jan

Jan,
This was one of the quotes I found on a pharmacist's site that Bentyl should not be used with "bronchodilators such as ipratropium (Atrovent) or tiotropium (Spiriva); this is what I found in the National Institute of Health Site.
tell your doctor and pharmacist what prescription and nonprescription medications, vitamins, nutritional supplements, and herbal products you are taking. Be sure to mention any of the following: amantadine (Symmetrel); antacids; antidepressants such as amitriptyline (Elavil), amoxapine (Asendin), clomipramine (Anafranil), desipramine (Norpramin), doxepin (Adapin, Sinequan), imipramine (Tofranil), nortriptyline (Aventyl, Pamelor), protriptyline (Vivactil), and trimipramine (Surmontil); antihistamines; diet pills; digoxin (Lanoxin); ipratropium (Atrovent); isosorbide (Imdur, Ismo, Isordil, others); medications for anxiety, asthma, glaucoma, irregular heartbeat, mental illness, motion sickness, Parkinson's disease, seizures, ulcers, or urinary problems; metoclopramide (Reglan); monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors, including phenelzine (Nardil) and tranylcypromine (Parnate); narcotic pain relievers such as meperidine (Demerol); nitroglycerin (Nitro-Bid, Nitrostat, others); sedatives; sleeping pills; and tranquilizers. Your doctor may need to change the doses of your medications or monitor you carefully for side effects.
Perhaps it is just the side effects they are warning about?
The nurse is a gastronenterolgy nurse practitioner. I hope she gets an earful from my doctor after I finally meet him. This place is wierding me out. They called today (17 days before the appointment) to ask for insurance information and a co-payment. This office keeps being voted number one by the medical community. I do not understand it. I feel like I am being processed not care for.
Thank you very much for everyone's good posts.

Actually, I am not seeing the reference to Bentyl and bronchodilators, and I read that big list at least four times. Plus, that is an advisory, not a contraindication.

Hmmm, a nurse practitioner is definitely a nurse...practically a doctor, but either there is a big communication gap there or she doesn't know her field! Plus, as a NP, she can prescribe medications under the physician's license (at least in California that is true). Of course, if she thinks your suggestion is stupid, it would not happen anyway. But the whole point of using NPs is to reduce the load on the MDs.

Jan

Some people have to graduate at the bottom of the class. She is not working in a hospital - don't those jobs pay more Jan?

I don't know which pay more, but I only see NPs in outpatient clinics, not hospitals. But, yeah, not every graduate is a star...

Jan