hi everyone. I was talking to a new guy from the internet over email/chat for about 3 weeks. he is very good looking, intellectual, and charming, ex-Marine. we texted and IM'ed every day. He came across a bit narcisstic - boasted a lot about his accomplishments, seemed to have a few "iffy" business ventures, and sometimes spoke about others with disdain. But but wow he's hot, so i overlooked some of this. plus I thought he was quite interesting and we talked about topics from politics, philosophy, ambitions. beyond the usual music/food topics. he was intellectually stimulating to me
we finally met in person. when i saw him, he looked a bit older than his pictures, but still VERY hot to me. we had dinner together and our online chemistry and great conversation seemed to translate well in person. A few red flags about some of the questionable businesses he dabbled in, and my suspicion that he may have a drinking problem (he didn't drink on the date). But it was too late. I was smitten.
there were a few parts during dinner where he was giving me "the look", bedroom eyes. Basically eye-f**king. when i looked at him, the butterflies were too intense, my heart would skip beats, i became aroused. the room became very hot and blurry and i could only feel the intense passion, and visualize the acts of lust between us. I imagine he was doing the same. i had to look away. When I looked back, he was still staring with bedroom eyes. I fumbled myself back into a conversation to break his inviting glances. this happened a few times throughout dinner. Was it love, I wondered? No, probably just lust.
the bill came and he did not offer to pay for the entire meal, and i just put my share down. That was a bit puzzling to me as he was the one who wanted to do dinner (I had suggested coffee for our first meeting); he always had bragged about his business ventures so I assumed he could afford $20 more to impress a girl (unless he was exaggerating his accomplishments); I had driven to his town (45 min drive); and when a guy doesn't pay I assume he may not be that into me. But I didn't want to read too much into it. Plus, he wanted to go down the street to another restaurant for dessert. So I thought he is still interested if he wanted to prolong the date. we shared dessert and continued to talk and enjoy the conversation and company. Although he had seduced me with his eyes during dinner, he never laid a hand on me.
he paid for the dessert, which was a nice gesture. there was no creepy eye contact during dessert. Just conversation and getting to know each other more. We walked back to the parking lot, and i gave him a quick hug goodbye and said "it was nice meeting you". I was a bit disappointed he did not try to make me stay a little longer or kiss me, but I figured we could do that on date #2. My quick goodbye could have also deterred him from lingering. In retrospect, I should have hugged him longer or given him a kiss on the cheek to give him a stronger signal that I liked him. I was a bit shy and really liked him in a relationship-way (not just one-nighter), so I thought to hold off on sex until the next few dates. Plus, I assumed (maybe wrongly so) that as a man, if he is really interested in me, we would see each other again and he would contact me.
what happened next came as a surprise to me. 3 days go by and i hadn't heard a word from him. i was used to texting him/IM'ing with him every day, so i was disappointed and missed him. We were both online. finally on day 3, i decided to IM him "hi, how are you". He responded right away, said he had been busy with work (hmm...). He proceeded to tell me about yet another business venture he was starting. Then finally asked how I have been. We chatted for about 15 minutes, then he just said "good night", and again I didn't hear anything after that.
I didn't reach out to him again because I don't want to pursue or look desperate. I might just text him "happy holidays", and if i don't hear back, i guess that's that. I was really hoping this could be a guy I could go out with for a while.
i am wondering if he stopped contacting me altogether because i did not react to his luring stares, or throw myself at him (which, he is probably used to women doing).
I wonder if I was not so self-conscious about my scars and surgeries that I could be more free with my body and not so shy. And then maybe keep a guy's interest longer.
I've never had a one-night stand before though, so maybe that is just my personality. It makes me sad that i have developed inhibitions because of my disease and surgeries, and that I feel like I need to trust someone and have more of an emotional connection before i take off my clothes and show them my naked body, scars and all. Why can't amazing chemistry and sexual attraction be enough??? It makes me even more mad at my disease and what it has done to me psychologically. But I definitely wanted to and would have had sex with him had we continued seeing each other.
Even if a guy is a player, why wouldn't he continue to go on a few more dates anyway, just because sex is not happening on date # 1? Why not go out 2-3 more times, if sex will happen soon enough? i wonder if there is a way to capture his interest again, or if it is a lost cause?
is this guy a jerk or player and not worth more of my time? Maybe he was so arrogant he thought I would not be able to resist him and was annoyed when I didn't cave? Why would he have spent 3 weeks emailing and chatting with me so attentively (never once mentioning sex), if he only wanted a one-night stand? Or is that what players do?
hoping someone with more expertise can chime in.