Jan,
I too have gone through what 5459 is going through. My wife and her family got sick of hearing from me too. They would complain all the time to my wife and she would relay it back to me.
But in the same way, they would also curse at me, treat me like trash with not an ounce of respect for my feelings. Make fun of me holding their stomach, laughing one time holding their stomach at a reception for a person who died from Cancer and so on.
I should have realized that by me be an Italian and a practicing Catholic would really be a turn off from my FIL. He even insulted my father about Italians. Again, my wife said nothing.
But that was OK with my wife.
Needless to say, my marriage has been over for many years. I have not been happy for about 20 yrs of the 25 yrs married. I stay in the relationship because of my 2 teenagers. Statistics have said that children raised without a father are more apt to get involved in drugs and alcohol and suicide.
My youngest is a freshman so I am counting the days and won't be able to leave until my daughter graduates high school.
In the meantime, I have found love for someone else although right now we are strictly friends. Her marriage has been over for some time now. Not sure she would be willing to risk our close friendship if we do get romantically involved.
Rocket
Sounds like a train wreck of a family to be married to! I never understood the humor of Don Rickles, and it sounds like you married into that clan... You must be quite patient to put up with it all. I hope your kids appreciate the sacrifices you made, and aren't upset when you leave after they are grown.
I feel I was blessed because my in-laws were always great. Sure, lots of good-natured ribbing, but never poking fun of my illness.
Jan
I feel I was blessed because my in-laws were always great. Sure, lots of good-natured ribbing, but never poking fun of my illness.
Jan
Thanks Jan,
I barely touched the tip of the Iceberg. My wife is a Narcissist. Curses and yells at me and my kids. She feels she is superior and so is her family. Even my own kids do not want to see my side of the family because for years, since they were small, wife would make angry comments such as: Your family is stupid, your dad is an idiot. Your brother bosses his wife around, your sister is a jerk, and so on. Of course none of this is true but that was her perception and is one my kids have too. My kids do not want to see my side of the family which hurts, especially my parents.
One time, our neighbor came over and it came up in coversation about nieces and nephews. My sister lost her only son two weeks before his 17th birthday. He had a brain tumor and had it removed at the age of 3 1/2 but they also had to remove the first 4 vertebrae of his spine making him paralyzed for the rest of his life.
A sweeter boy who never complained, who did the best he could. Anyway, my nephew came up in coversation.
My wife said that when he was about 2 1/2 (before we know he was sick, but my mom said he was in a lot of pain), we were over my parents house celebrating a B'Day and my wife and nieces and nehpews were upstairs watching TV.
Then something happen resulting in my nephew crying and the next day, my sister called me up and said that the other kids saw my wife slap her son in the face because he would not give up the TV when she asked him to.
In any event, my wife said they lied (I'm not sure but bet she did because she used to slap my son in the face, smack him in the back of the head).
Anyway, my wife shares this story with the neighbor how the family accused her and she referred to my nephew (whose been dead 4 years) as the "Little Bastard."
I'm not sure my kids appreaciate me or not, at least not yet. I think they have to be near their mother because they need her.
I hope they realize that their mom is nuts.
Rocket
I barely touched the tip of the Iceberg. My wife is a Narcissist. Curses and yells at me and my kids. She feels she is superior and so is her family. Even my own kids do not want to see my side of the family because for years, since they were small, wife would make angry comments such as: Your family is stupid, your dad is an idiot. Your brother bosses his wife around, your sister is a jerk, and so on. Of course none of this is true but that was her perception and is one my kids have too. My kids do not want to see my side of the family which hurts, especially my parents.
One time, our neighbor came over and it came up in coversation about nieces and nephews. My sister lost her only son two weeks before his 17th birthday. He had a brain tumor and had it removed at the age of 3 1/2 but they also had to remove the first 4 vertebrae of his spine making him paralyzed for the rest of his life.
A sweeter boy who never complained, who did the best he could. Anyway, my nephew came up in coversation.
My wife said that when he was about 2 1/2 (before we know he was sick, but my mom said he was in a lot of pain), we were over my parents house celebrating a B'Day and my wife and nieces and nehpews were upstairs watching TV.
Then something happen resulting in my nephew crying and the next day, my sister called me up and said that the other kids saw my wife slap her son in the face because he would not give up the TV when she asked him to.
In any event, my wife said they lied (I'm not sure but bet she did because she used to slap my son in the face, smack him in the back of the head).
Anyway, my wife shares this story with the neighbor how the family accused her and she referred to my nephew (whose been dead 4 years) as the "Little Bastard."
I'm not sure my kids appreaciate me or not, at least not yet. I think they have to be near their mother because they need her.
I hope they realize that their mom is nuts.
Rocket
Wow, I am very surprised you felt my post was a criticism of you. It was meant to be the opposite.
5459,
Well, I don't think I have anything to add. I think you have been given some good advice and are going in the right direction. And you can't change your wife, you can only hope she will decide to do that on her own. Of course, it will be a challenge to resolve this issue if she turns you away when you initiate intimacy. Then again, you never know.
I would think you have several things going on working against you:
1. (possibly) Low T - that is fairly common over 40. Also, you haven't said what meds you are on - if any. But I know there are several types of meds (narcotics, SRUIs, others) that can inhibit testosterone production. So that's a good place to start
2. Lack of confidence - due to past "failures" (which is how we guys see this), you are now cursed with thinking too much and fear of continued failure in the back of your mind. Both fear and thinking too much are never conducive for things to work right
3. If you feel that your wife pushed you into a surgery you didn't want, and that you feel has turned out poorly and reduced your Quality Of Life, that has to be broiling in you deep down whether you admit it or not. That will definitely get in the way of intimacy every time - whether you are conscious of it or not. The only way I know to deal with that is to spend some alone time and see it for what it is, see yourself for who you are (not perfect either) and forgive her. Only after forgiveness will you be able to truly initiate intimacy
Just my thoughts...
Steve
Well, I don't think I have anything to add. I think you have been given some good advice and are going in the right direction. And you can't change your wife, you can only hope she will decide to do that on her own. Of course, it will be a challenge to resolve this issue if she turns you away when you initiate intimacy. Then again, you never know.
I would think you have several things going on working against you:
1. (possibly) Low T - that is fairly common over 40. Also, you haven't said what meds you are on - if any. But I know there are several types of meds (narcotics, SRUIs, others) that can inhibit testosterone production. So that's a good place to start
2. Lack of confidence - due to past "failures" (which is how we guys see this), you are now cursed with thinking too much and fear of continued failure in the back of your mind. Both fear and thinking too much are never conducive for things to work right
3. If you feel that your wife pushed you into a surgery you didn't want, and that you feel has turned out poorly and reduced your Quality Of Life, that has to be broiling in you deep down whether you admit it or not. That will definitely get in the way of intimacy every time - whether you are conscious of it or not. The only way I know to deal with that is to spend some alone time and see it for what it is, see yourself for who you are (not perfect either) and forgive her. Only after forgiveness will you be able to truly initiate intimacy
Just my thoughts...
Steve
Rocket, sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like you have done well to persevere in an extremely difficult situation and are a responsible, loving father. I'm sure you are counting the days until your "parole hearing" when you are let out. Sad to say, and real change would be the best thing. But as I'm sure you have learned, people have to want to change.
Take care,
Steve
when you are let out. Sad to say, and real change would be the best thing. But as I'm sure you have learned, people have to want to change.Take care,
Steve
Thanks Steve,
It hasn't been easy, not by a long shot. So many times I have wanted to pack it in but don't because I have to put my children ahead of what I want.
Spiritually, I want to forgive my wife, to forgive her for also allowing her family to treat me poorly and to forgive her family. This is the biggest challange I have. Yet I know Christ wants me to forgive. I suppose if I am out of the house and no longer have to see her or even hear her voice, it would be a lot easier to forgive.
And I know to forgive is a gift you give to yourself. I ask God every day to help me to forgive, even though I know I will never hear the words "I am sorry."
So to forgive is very hard. To keep my inner feelings of the other woman who I love is difficult too. She may or may not know, or if she does know, she knows neither one of us can do anything about it at this time.
In the past, a few of my friends have told me to cheat on her because I had every reason to do so. However, I have never cheated.
I do not miss any close intamacy with my wife what-so-ever. I prefer not to have sex with her. Just not interested. However, I still get temptations so I know regardless of how many meds I am on, and even though their is snow on the roof (my head), there is still plenty of fire in my furnace.
Rocket
It hasn't been easy, not by a long shot. So many times I have wanted to pack it in but don't because I have to put my children ahead of what I want.
Spiritually, I want to forgive my wife, to forgive her for also allowing her family to treat me poorly and to forgive her family. This is the biggest challange I have. Yet I know Christ wants me to forgive. I suppose if I am out of the house and no longer have to see her or even hear her voice, it would be a lot easier to forgive.
And I know to forgive is a gift you give to yourself. I ask God every day to help me to forgive, even though I know I will never hear the words "I am sorry."
So to forgive is very hard. To keep my inner feelings of the other woman who I love is difficult too. She may or may not know, or if she does know, she knows neither one of us can do anything about it at this time.
In the past, a few of my friends have told me to cheat on her because I had every reason to do so. However, I have never cheated.
I do not miss any close intamacy with my wife what-so-ever. I prefer not to have sex with her. Just not interested. However, I still get temptations so I know regardless of how many meds I am on, and even though their is snow on the roof (my head), there is still plenty of fire in my furnace.
Rocket
Sorry subzero, you absolutely didn't point the finger back at me. To your credit I didn't even realize you were a woman, no bias whatsoever. My apologies...
I wasn't meaning to point the finger at you either. Just kind of third-party thinking out loud.
I'm a woman and relate to how you feel. I've been in pain so long, down there, it affects how I feel about sex. I had my take down almost 2 years ago and have continuing problems. When we've had sex it was very painful and now when I try to get my husband to try again he finds an excuse not to. So I feel guilty and rejected. We have talked some about it and he says he doesn't want to hurt me but every once in a while he makes some kind of snide comment about the lack of sex.
He hasn't come out and said he never wants relations with me again but he might as well have.
In the mean time I had my testosterone tested, because it affects women's sex drive too. I was normal. I don't see my drive as the problem. The next thing is to ask my doctor for something else to use that may help as they say if you don't use it you loose it.
I don't see this ending our marriage as we've been married 37 years. I know I love him and he acts and says he loves me.
It hurts to feel rejected, even when they say it with "love".
He hasn't come out and said he never wants relations with me again but he might as well have.
In the mean time I had my testosterone tested, because it affects women's sex drive too. I was normal. I don't see my drive as the problem. The next thing is to ask my doctor for something else to use that may help as they say if you don't use it you loose it.
I don't see this ending our marriage as we've been married 37 years. I know I love him and he acts and says he loves me.
It hurts to feel rejected, even when they say it with "love".
Rocket,
I feel for you spending the prime years of your life stuck to your wife. I hope that your presence in the home will insure that your children do not grow up to be just like her.
She acts so superior to your family I guess she married beneath herself - or she acts like she did. It is sad that this may be rubbing off on your children. I hope you take them around your family, without her, so they see how normal people act. They might not be perfect but sound loving and supportive vs entitled and judgmental.
I am not the only child that was glad their parents got divorced because my mother is crazy. I didn't know it at the time but she is crazy. When I turned 13 I moved in with my dad and step mother and life was good from then on. I'm not saying your wife is crazy but she has problems at the least.
Take care
I feel for you spending the prime years of your life stuck to your wife. I hope that your presence in the home will insure that your children do not grow up to be just like her.
She acts so superior to your family I guess she married beneath herself - or she acts like she did. It is sad that this may be rubbing off on your children. I hope you take them around your family, without her, so they see how normal people act. They might not be perfect but sound loving and supportive vs entitled and judgmental.
I am not the only child that was glad their parents got divorced because my mother is crazy. I didn't know it at the time but she is crazy. When I turned 13 I moved in with my dad and step mother and life was good from then on. I'm not saying your wife is crazy but she has problems at the least.
Take care
TE Marie,
Your right. That family always acts superior to me. I guess to the them, I am white trash. Now, I don't care what they think about me. MY FIL used to always tell me Jesus and the Gospel is full of S__t which used to really piss me off. In the past, he would say the NY Yankees and NY Giants stink or suck but that I never took personal. But then he brings in Jesus. That used to really bug me.
Anyway, he is up in years and eventually he will have to face God upon his death and what will he say then? Perhaps he will get his wished as he always told me that he would rather go to Hell then Heaven (trying to bug me) so he can have sex with Virgins.
So I have to surrender everything over to God. Let HIM take care of it and defend me.
I dread going over my In-Laws on Christmas Day. They are so boring. They will always correct my grammer yet curse, even in front of the kids.
One of them said that if "People do not have command of the Enlish Language they make themselves look like an Idiot and that is the Respect they Deserve." And the family all nodded in agreement while I sat there silently horrified that they would think this is OK.
Rocket
Your right. That family always acts superior to me. I guess to the them, I am white trash. Now, I don't care what they think about me. MY FIL used to always tell me Jesus and the Gospel is full of S__t which used to really piss me off. In the past, he would say the NY Yankees and NY Giants stink or suck but that I never took personal. But then he brings in Jesus. That used to really bug me.
Anyway, he is up in years and eventually he will have to face God upon his death and what will he say then? Perhaps he will get his wished as he always told me that he would rather go to Hell then Heaven (trying to bug me) so he can have sex with Virgins.
So I have to surrender everything over to God. Let HIM take care of it and defend me.
I dread going over my In-Laws on Christmas Day. They are so boring. They will always correct my grammer yet curse, even in front of the kids.
One of them said that if "People do not have command of the Enlish Language they make themselves look like an Idiot and that is the Respect they Deserve." And the family all nodded in agreement while I sat there silently horrified that they would think this is OK.
Rocket
I didn't real all your other replies but here is what I found;
Have your testosterone level checked. I had the PROBLEM but now with a shot every two weeks (or patchrs or jells to rub on) I am mostly better and this is better for joints and the circulatory system too.
Viagra is covered by my insurance, 8 pills a month for $30 ut I have experimented with the offlabel stuff and it works very well, feels the same to me. I buy online when I need more like for a vacation.
You can always play sex games, watch porn, buy sex toys , get a girlfriend (that helps the erections problems for everyone I know!) or get a divorce and start over with someone better.
Just don't surrendarm, never surrendar!!! Never! Never!
Have your testosterone level checked. I had the PROBLEM but now with a shot every two weeks (or patchrs or jells to rub on) I am mostly better and this is better for joints and the circulatory system too.
Viagra is covered by my insurance, 8 pills a month for $30 ut I have experimented with the offlabel stuff and it works very well, feels the same to me. I buy online when I need more like for a vacation.
You can always play sex games, watch porn, buy sex toys , get a girlfriend (that helps the erections problems for everyone I know!) or get a divorce and start over with someone better.
Just don't surrendarm, never surrendar!!! Never! Never!
i have since had my blood and testosterone checked...
testosterone is 493 which i was told is normal but based on the info ive read sounds low.
that said...
vitamin d very low
ferritin very low
hemoglobin very low
was told to add 1600iu d3 to my multi which has 400iu and 100% iron
told to add more red meat to my diet.
was also told that if vit d gets low enough your testosterone drops.
the vitamin d has made a huge improvement with the erections, i actually get them now.
i had an interesting argument with the wife after she approached me in a sexual manner.
she didnt seem to understand the weight of her comment but did apologize. i found it interesting that she was willing and ready when it popped up like nothing happened and yes, i told her that. apparently she was very sexually frustrated, she had come to expect a certain level of satisfaction from me.
i accepted her apology and let it go...
im sticking with my opinion on the value of sex in a marriage between youngish people.
testosterone is 493 which i was told is normal but based on the info ive read sounds low.
that said...
vitamin d very low
ferritin very low
hemoglobin very low
was told to add 1600iu d3 to my multi which has 400iu and 100% iron
told to add more red meat to my diet.
was also told that if vit d gets low enough your testosterone drops.
the vitamin d has made a huge improvement with the erections, i actually get them now.
i had an interesting argument with the wife after she approached me in a sexual manner.
she didnt seem to understand the weight of her comment but did apologize. i found it interesting that she was willing and ready when it popped up like nothing happened and yes, i told her that. apparently she was very sexually frustrated, she had come to expect a certain level of satisfaction from me.
i accepted her apology and let it go...
im sticking with my opinion on the value of sex in a marriage between youngish people.
FYI, My Internist put me on prescription doses of Vitamin D a few years ago, like 100,000 once a week for a few weeks. Then I took 2,000 IU a day. My blood reading got to 39 which was just in the normal range.
My nutritionist said MD's are satisfied when your reading is in the normal range but the optimum range is 80+.
My nutritionist said MD's are satisfied when your reading is in the normal range but the optimum range is 80+.
I was found to have a vitamin D level (30) that according to my PCP is "on the cusp of what is acceptable." He now has me take 2800 iu per day. I was not aware of the connection between vitamin D and testosterone levels and that is another good reason to be taking a good vitamin D supplement.
5459 glad to hear that you finally have some guidance towards tackling the issue. Personally I think stress was playing a role in your situation as well, which was probably aggravated by the apparent miscommunication with your wife.
5459 glad to hear that you finally have some guidance towards tackling the issue. Personally I think stress was playing a role in your situation as well, which was probably aggravated by the apparent miscommunication with your wife.
CTBarrister,
I'd like to suggest you look into vitamin D more. My Internist has noticed the levels going up and asked why I was taking more. She didn't think of any reason why I should lower it.
She had me taking vitamin C with the Iron supplement she put me on after the surgeries and noticed I forgot to quit taking the C after stopping the Iron. She told me to stop taking the C. She monitors my supplements along with my medications. She has many IBD patients.
I'd like to suggest you look into vitamin D more. My Internist has noticed the levels going up and asked why I was taking more. She didn't think of any reason why I should lower it.
She had me taking vitamin C with the Iron supplement she put me on after the surgeries and noticed I forgot to quit taking the C after stopping the Iron. She told me to stop taking the C. She monitors my supplements along with my medications. She has many IBD patients.
I find it interesting that she is getting all the blame and that it was necessary for her to apologize but you didn't think it appropriate to apologize for your part in the dynamics. As someone mentioned, your wife may have said she didn't want sex just to let you off the hook so you didn't feel guilty about being unable to perform. It's clear that she is still interested in having sex. What's not clear is why she 'gets' to shoulder ALL the blame.
kathy
kathy
I find it curious Kathy that you are still giving me advice in regards to a situation that you have shown almst zero grasp of. Not to mention i've made it crystal clear that your rights are not of any value to me on this matter. Out appears to me you have an agenda and I couldn't be less interested in your take, besides you've repeated yourself over and over. Take it down the road already, the matter is resolved!
This is a public website/support group so I would think you would expect comments from the public. I also believe that my response is not the same as my previous replies as this time I stated that it would seem only appropriate for You to apologize to her. Just my opinion, but your relationship seems very one-sided with your wife doing the giving and you doing the receiving.
I'm very glad that things seem to be looking 'up' for you with the addition of vitamin D.
kathy
I'm very glad that things seem to be looking 'up' for you with the addition of vitamin D.
kathy
5459
I'm glad that you are doing better and hope it continues. I feel guilty because I am in pain all the time and my husband and I rarely have intercourse. He doesn't pressure me but says something every now and then - jokingly. After all he's been through with me I just let those comments pass. I've heard over and over again how people with IBD loose their spouses or significant others because they don't want to be with an ill partner. Our kids are grown married adults and I feel blessed that he is so understanding of all of my problems. He has had to pick up a lot of my regular household and other duties.
We may have some gray hair but are still young enough to want and have a sex life. A friend of mine divorced her husband because she said she felt like she was living with her brother. I feel sorry for her husband in a way but we never know all sides.
I don't know why you think Kathy, mine or any woman's remarks are uncalled for. I believe she/we are only saying that it is never one sided. Never is one person 100% to be blamed. It is hard on our spouses and there are times when they can't hold it all in. Just like there are times when Kathy and I can't hold it all in.
Again I am happy you are feeling better and hope 2013 is better for all of us. I, for one, am glad 2012 is almost over
I'm glad that you are doing better and hope it continues. I feel guilty because I am in pain all the time and my husband and I rarely have intercourse. He doesn't pressure me but says something every now and then - jokingly. After all he's been through with me I just let those comments pass. I've heard over and over again how people with IBD loose their spouses or significant others because they don't want to be with an ill partner. Our kids are grown married adults and I feel blessed that he is so understanding of all of my problems. He has had to pick up a lot of my regular household and other duties.
We may have some gray hair but are still young enough to want and have a sex life. A friend of mine divorced her husband because she said she felt like she was living with her brother. I feel sorry for her husband in a way but we never know all sides.
I don't know why you think Kathy, mine or any woman's remarks are uncalled for. I believe she/we are only saying that it is never one sided. Never is one person 100% to be blamed. It is hard on our spouses and there are times when they can't hold it all in. Just like there are times when Kathy and I can't hold it all in.
Again I am happy you are feeling better and hope 2013 is better for all of us. I, for one, am glad 2012 is almost over
I also think a woman's perspective on this issue is appropriate. Unfortunately in the men's and women's health forums and in threads like this one about male/female relationships, there is sometimes an "us against them" lockeroom mentality that rears its ugly head. I saw this recently when I made a post in the women's health forum which I thought was helpful, but which apparently was not appreciated by some while being welcomed by others. This is in fact a public forum and I think it does help to have both sides of a potential issue because it maximizes the potential insight into the problem and therefore maximizes potential resolution of the issue. It's true that men and women sometimes have different perspectives on the same issues and it is helpful I think to know how the "other half" sees things regardless of which sex you are.
I have always thought sex is more important to men strictly from a biological and hormonal standpoint. But it goes beyond physical hormonal urges and horniness into the whole realm of self esteem and perception of one's own masculinity. On the other hand it is helpful to know how women react to these issues that we have. I think there were several very helpful and insightful posts in this thread by female posters.
I have always thought sex is more important to men strictly from a biological and hormonal standpoint. But it goes beyond physical hormonal urges and horniness into the whole realm of self esteem and perception of one's own masculinity. On the other hand it is helpful to know how women react to these issues that we have. I think there were several very helpful and insightful posts in this thread by female posters.
Hi TEMarie~ I am 4 years post surgery. Sex was definately different after surgery. Very different. Dont give up as it does get better with time and practice. I had issues with things being very snug and painful. Trust with my partner and his willingness to do whatever is what got me past that. To 5459.Sorry about your feelings about surgery. I understand the feeling against having the surgery. I refused until I had no choice. Then it just had to be done. If I had the surgery sooner, I would always wonder if it was the right decision. Now, I wonder if I waited too long and endured alot of extra pain and suffering as well as being a super sick mom to my kids. I lived on prednisone pre-surgery but with time (years!)it just became less effective for me. It's hard to say what your experience might have been had you not had the surgery. I know I was still recovering from the surgery and the illness at 2 1/2 years out. It does get better.Hang in there.
phoenix,
Thank you for your advice and you are describing the problem. I just passed my 2 year anniversary and appreciate you telling me it took you a half a year longer to recover and that I am not the only one with this issue.
It appears as I am the wife that no longer wants to have (painful) sex. I'm glad this discussion was started.
Thanks 5459
Thank you for your advice and you are describing the problem. I just passed my 2 year anniversary and appreciate you telling me it took you a half a year longer to recover and that I am not the only one with this issue.
It appears as I am the wife that no longer wants to have (painful) sex. I'm glad this discussion was started.
Thanks 5459
my intent was by no means to offend those who contributed resolution based insight and thought. those posts were appreciated and helpful.
Surgeons just want to cut and go to the next surgery...at least mine was that way. That's why I am blessed with an Internist that has many IBD patients. She takes care of all of my medications. The last time I saw my surgeon, a year ago at my first year appt. he said I had some bleeding around the cuff and gave me a prescription for 14 days of Anucort. I came home and called my GI. He treated the cuffitis, which the surgeon blew off - even after I told said surgeon I'd had a toilet with a lot of blood in it a few days before his primitive straight scope. He took no biopsies, pictures and it was painful. After my GI treated me for 6 more weeks with Canasa, based on what my surgeon told him he saw, he finally did a proper flex scope. He took biopsies, and tested a stool sample, took pictures and scare us all. I also had a c-diff infection with the cuffitis. These are 2 nasty problems that I had probably had for at least 6 months. He got rid of my c-diff with Flagyl and sent me to an IBD GI specialist at the Mayo clinic. He helped me finally get control of my cuffitis and also diagnosed me with IPS.
BTW both pathology reports, from my local and the Mayo GIs, diagnosed my cuffitis as UC with lots of detail. SO when they say we will be cured they lied.
The doctor that did my flex scope at Mayo's said my C/R surgeon did a great job making my pouch. So he's a good surgeon but I will never go to him for a scope again. I suffered for months all because he wanted to make $$ on an annual 10 minute straight scope and did no biopsies.
See why I've been in so much pain that sex was the last thing on my mind?
Sorry for going on and on but I don't want anyone to suffer needlessly. C-diff is serious, it took almost a month of Flagyl to get rid of it. Some people get it so bad they end up in the hospital and segregated like they do with people that have MRSA. A guy in another support group had c-diff so bad they had to give him a fecal transplant.
BTW both pathology reports, from my local and the Mayo GIs, diagnosed my cuffitis as UC with lots of detail. SO when they say we will be cured they lied.
The doctor that did my flex scope at Mayo's said my C/R surgeon did a great job making my pouch. So he's a good surgeon but I will never go to him for a scope again. I suffered for months all because he wanted to make $$ on an annual 10 minute straight scope and did no biopsies.
See why I've been in so much pain that sex was the last thing on my mind?
Sorry for going on and on but I don't want anyone to suffer needlessly. C-diff is serious, it took almost a month of Flagyl to get rid of it. Some people get it so bad they end up in the hospital and segregated like they do with people that have MRSA. A guy in another support group had c-diff so bad they had to give him a fecal transplant.
Dear 5459, since my illness and surgeries I have been very curious about how this same journey would affect men. I am sorry to hear that your partner is so...cruel. Our body image and self-esteem undergoes such drastic assaults during illness and surgery no matter our gender. I was still stitched up and drugged out of my skull post-op and my main fear was whether or not I would still be horny and whether it would hurt to have sex. I am lucky to have a supportive partner who is patient. I can not believe she would not try to find other ways to be intimate with you? Massage, touching, bath time for a loving lover there are so many things you guys could try to rebuild the intimacy and try to boost your self esteem. Sounds like you married a dud in the sack if she isn't willing to explore your options together. FYI not all women will act this way, someone who truly cares for you and wants to share intimacy will find a way. Where is her patience and caring support? Your tale of woe grinds my gears, it truly does. It could also be a generational thing, if she was a lazy lover before and not comfortable with her own sexuality that could be a factor. Good luck, may happy sexy time be in your future.