Hi @Kh1988, Sorry, I'm jumping in kind of late to the conversation. I feel ya - I do, and this topic is something I think about all the time. My frustrations are same as yours, but a bit different, if that makes sense. I'm 17 years with a J Pouch, 46 yr old bald man with a beard, glasses, 2 kids and a wife, and I call my J Pouch "Jimmy".
I have always had to strain more than the average bear, according to my surgeons and GI Docs. My Doc always says not to strain but I tell him the alternative is to what - not go? It's not horrible, scale from 1-10, in straining power meter, I'm about a 3 or 4, sometimes more but that's my average. My Doc says I shouldn't strain at all, but I tell him I'm otherwise fine. The 3-4 level of straining doesn't create any discomfort, only get a little raw sometimes, but that's probably from all the wiping - I go 6-8 times a day, sometimes more, less.
I will say this - about my diet, and how it effects my straining/not straining. I agree with @Former Member , oatmeal is a dream cure, but it takes me a full day of oatmeal love, mixed with a ton of water, to get me back to normal. That makes me strain less, but if I eat oatmeal more than 1 days, I get sad. Not really, but I love food, love variety. But here's the thing, it's totally self-induced straining caused - because I have a food diary and whenever my strain power goes to a 5+, and higher, it's all about what I ate the past week....too much of one thing, or too little water over a 6-7 day period. I can eat popcorn, I can even binge on it, but only for one day. My kids love popcorn and I am in LOVE with it, so - 2 or 3 days of even small amounts, in a row and that'll make my Jimmy Pouch mad. Pizza, same thing, fried foods, same thing. Hot/spicy foods, actually help me - for some reason, they help move things along. Here's the thing....Vegetables and other high fiber stuff - HEALTHY foods.....are like eating popcorn 5 days in a row. Eating healthy, low cholesterol type foods - for several days in a row and my Jimmy Pouch friend gets angry and starts making my toilet life very uncomfortable. I also found that Wine - NO GOOD for Jimmy. Beer - totally fine. Whiskey - NO GOOD for Jimmy. Vodka, even lots of it, up or on the rocks, no mixers - Totally Fine. Vodka with super healthy pomegranate juice - NO GOOD for Jimmy. White Rice with crushed red pepper, spices and Sriracha sauce and pulled chicken - totally fine.
I just started dating my wife 6 months after my friend Jimmy was installed. It took us a while to get to know each other....so many questions, so many unknowns, so many challenges, but I started to treat him like a girlfriend, dating, figuring each other out. Then, 6 months after I started dating Jimmy Pouch....I met my future wife, 16+ years ago now. I ignored Jimmy and focused on my new girlfriend and it was horrible....but after a couple years, we got married and I started treating Jimmy with more respect, taking notes, food journals, behavior journals, stress levels, etc....and it really helped.
So....it's kind of a cost/benefit thing...which have taken ownership of. Decisions I make, some are good, some bad, but who's to say which is which? It's all just me. I try to be a good friend to Jimmy. He's a good friend but wow, jeez - when he gets angry, he has a very, very short memory. He's like, who are you? I'm not your friend, get a way! He really needs a psychiatrist, but he's just being himself, which I can appreciate.
What I'm trying to say in this ranty rant....keep doing what you're doing @Kh1988, keep trying different things, keep asking for advice (something I didn't do early in my J Pouch days)....I like to cook, more specifically, I like to experiment in the kitchen, LOVE it. So, getting to know your J Pouch and what makes him/her happy or angry is like trying 50 or 60 times to find that perfect recipe for your favorite soup or chicken dish, or salsa, or whatever. You are already taking it seriously, getting advice, asking your surgeon, medications...you're a year or so into a new relationship, and you're already married, there's no breaking up with our J Pouch, so keep trying to be the best friend you can and he/she will act like a humans person, more than we know, and love you back or drive you crazy...kind of like our first loves.
