Hi everyone,
When do you tell someone of dating interest you have an ileostomy: Full brief story: I have an ileostomy, having it for 12 years. I am not boasting, but I was the poster child for this....Not to get one, personally rather fought the UC was only having 5-8 BM a day, at worst 11-13. However, I was young and not informed of J Pouch complications nor the amount of BM, which is 7 a day. So, I had the surgery, no I was not even 21. Everyone made it sound so peachy...the bad: The j pouch, no one told me of the complications. Then I go online after surgery, and boom! That is where I learned of the 7 a day movements, etc. All I was told was a 3% of mis dx to crohns, a 3% to failure, and 3% to incontinence. But no one, not a wound nurse marking me, not a surgeon, a fellow, or NP told me the "Real complications." ...I thought my life would be normal. So when I read, I freaked. I was so pizzed off. I was already going 5-8x a day, why would I swap that for 7 a day and go through massive surgery? I can't change the past. .....but i was pizzed.
Well, I went on to weight train, went from 128lbs to 207lbs in 2 1/2 years. Just solid weight training. Benching 245 over 24 times. I would do leg movements over 700 lbs. However, in that regard, women who would come up to me flirt, want to date, fings etc......would be a poster child for this Ileostomy.
However, I was plagued, almost PTSD bc of the ileostomy. I finished my degree in science, just went back to school for more. I do have the option for a J pouch.....Dr. Remzi was considering a 1 step for me....Lapro if he could. Then he left the CC...followed by many others, like a mass exit, this past summer.
The problem is I have dated women, many never knew of my surgery until later. However, I got hit with other health issues, a mediaction went systemic horribly in my body. So in a nutshell, I lost over 25lbs, now down to 180, my hairline thinned a little. Well, now I am talking to someone, who isn't a hot cheerleader type( like before, yes with the ileo ), but our personalities mesh. I use to know all the answers, but my confidence is gone...after the medication destroying me, the attrition of the ileo for years. I also had the benefit of friends telling the girl who I was dating in the past or mutual fiends....or one who was a nurse...found out later on her own,she was hinting it towards me.
However, I made having an ileo look easy at one point. Even docs were shocked. Now, I just wanted to ask a simple q, and as I am getting older, I want a family. When do you open up to another about having an ileostomy? Like I said, I had flings, dated 'Hot" girls....but they found out in differerent ways, mutual friend, or a fiend saying it, or they were medical field, so they knew after ehmmm...and a few dates. I feel like I had this sucker, all the time. Now that I am getting older, I think....that some women feel like I am insulting them by me thinking they would not like me if I told them. Kind of weird....However, I am not looking for the fling etc. So, I think I am talking to different( more mature women.....) and I just don't know all how to come out. I lost my confidence...and this is playing a factor.