What to do? Pouch redo or permanent ileostomy

I think you ought to get a qualified opinion to inform your choice. Dr. Remzi is certainly qualified, and perhaps you can plan to make a trip to New York a delight instead of a burden. Broadway show? Museums? Dr. Remzi might even know of a qualified surgeon in Canada for you - perhaps someone he’s taught.

Also: a permanent ileostomy generally works much better than a loop ileoostomy, but it will look pretty much the same to other people who see it. Someone actually worth spending your life with wouldn’t give it much attention, but people like that can be hard to find.

You may want to look up Dr. Zane Cohen in Toronto for a second opinion.  I do not know to what extent he is still in practice, but he might recommend a doctor in Canada who could help you.  In the event that a pouch redo is not an option, there are two procedures that do not require an external bag: the K pouch and the BCIR.  There is a lot of information about them on the internet.  The button hole size stoma is placed lower than that for a conventional ileostomy and is covered with a small absorbent dressing.  It makes things much easier in a dating or relationship situation.  I too was scared s*#@less about dating when faced with the possibility of having an ileostomy, but fortunately now have a BCIR and fabulous wife.