taking a work trip and staying in an Airbnb with my boss and colleagues, help

I feel for you.  I had several situations similar to this in my past.  I used the term Intestinal Disease vs GI b/c so many people have GI issues but many don’t know UC or J-pouch so I think that term conveys more severity.  Also when traveling with groups I offer to pay more to have my own bathroom and I  bring Poo Poo Pouri wherever I go ( i buy the 3 travel size that discreetly fit into jean pocket)… I also buy the Calmoseptine in the smallest travel size which has been a lifesaver. Lastly,  I tell people I get up several times a night and don’t want to wake them with the toilet flushing so they are sometimes willing to offer me the room with the bathroom so their sleep isn’t disturbed….Good Luck and try not to stress about it for weeks leading up (easier said than done…I know…)

Perhaps if you speak with your doctor; either your Family Doctor/General Practitioner or the Gastroenterologist/Surgeon and ask them if they'd write a letter for you explaining your needs.

A mediator can help maintain dignity as well as express the severity of the situation while also protecting you from discrimination on a legal basis. Without proof of an illness an employer can disregard remarks pertaining to GI issues, whereas with an official medical note they cannot discriminate against you by law and shows that you are indeed telling the truth regarding your illness. (Not that you'd take legal steps or anything nor is that meant to be threatening; but from any good employer's perspective, there is a subconscious weight of anti-discrimination and that they have to comply to your needs.)

I would advise a medical mediator that would allow them to explain your needs without you having to say or do much at all. You could also ask the doctor if you can get a full excusal from the trip, if possible.

Thank you so much. It's more that even mentioning that I need my own bathroom is embarrassing . I think my boss is super cool and will understand but I just hate drawing any attention to my GI issues - then I think that's all they will think about when they see me. It sucks but I can't help it. I think saying just 'health issues' is better, but asking for my own bathroom sort of gives it all away.

I totally understand where you are coming from! i think your last boss was definitely an asshole!!! And was very non-empathetic!!! Very ridiculous!!

As for your new boss, the new boss sounds very empathetic. I would ask the boss if we could talk in private and tell her/explain to her what ulcerative colitis is and how you had to get your colon/rectum removed and have an internal pouch system that requires you to have your own bathroom since you go to the bathroom so much, I think your boss will understand. Showing this video to your boss after explaining might be of big help as well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLyakCY5bBsYou

You can always get a doctor's note but  I do not think its fair for you to have to pay a co-pay

Do not forget to pack wipes and calmoseptine!

@Anna625 posted:

Thank you so much. It's more that even mentioning that I need my own bathroom is embarrassing . I think my boss is super cool and will understand but I just hate drawing any attention to my GI issues - then I think that's all they will think about when they see me. It sucks but I can't help it. I think saying just 'health issues' is better, but asking for my own bathroom sort of gives it all away.

Can you address those concerns with the doctor? And ask them if they can specifically word it as a personal suite for privacy reasons?

The other, more costly, option is that you pay for your own hotel stay during the trip and explain that you have health concerns and prefer to stay in your own hotel room for privacy reasons and out of courtesy to your colleagues. You'll have to bear the brunt of the economic burden, but you could then maintain privacy.

Thanks! I always think of that for sure and would be ok paying for myself (not that I'm rich but paying for peace of mind and comfort is always worth it to me)...my industry and company is really fun and we're a tight knit crew so I feel like it would be too weird to ask to stay by myself as much as I would love to. I really appreciate everyone's feedback and advice!

This is a hard topic! I traveled for work before I retired and there was not a suggestion that we share a room or apartment, which I was grateful for (although I understand companies wanting to save money). I think the approaches outlined here, having a written letter from a doctor that is presented to your boss and/or kept on file or simply being explicit to a boss who seems understanding, are helpful. You could do both---you could mention your lack of a colon/J-pouch/frequent bathroom needs to your boss and also ask her if it would be helpful for your workplace to have a letter from your doctor on file.

I have come to the point in life where I'm not shy about sharing that I don't have a colon and sometimes have weird and/or noisy poops. Because I have shared, my colleagues usually share their maladies as well. Many of them suffer from constipation, especially on work trips.  They also share a myriad of other things. Rarely do I find someone whose health is perfect!

Thank you for the support, everyone!

@Anna625 posted:

Thank you for the support, everyone!

WHat do you plan on doing???

I think I'm going to tell my boss that I have some health issues and would really appreciate if he could book an Airbnb where I could have my own room with en suite bathroom. I'll pay extra if necessary. I don't want any of my new colleagues to think I'm a princess, since I'm new and it'll be my first work trip with them, but everyone is really nice so hopefully it won't be much of an issue. I wish I could be more open about my condition like a lot of you are but I have so much shame around it, I know I shouldn't but what can I say, I do.

@Anna625 posted:

I think I'm going to tell my boss that I have some health issues and would really appreciate if he could book an Airbnb where I could have my own room with en suite bathroom. I'll pay extra if necessary. I don't want any of my new colleagues to think I'm a princess, since I'm new and it'll be my first work trip with them, but everyone is really nice so hopefully it won't be much of an issue. I wish I could be more open about my condition like a lot of you are but I have so much shame around it, I know I shouldn't but what can I say, I do.

I understand hon, you have to do what is best for you and what makes you feel comfortable.

You should never be ashamed of your disease, you did not chose it. But I know there are uncomy feelings when poop is involved.

@Anna625 posted:

I think I'm going to tell my boss that I have some health issues and would really appreciate if he could book an Airbnb where I could have my own room with en suite bathroom. I'll pay extra if necessary. I don't want any of my new colleagues to think I'm a princess, since I'm new and it'll be my first work trip with them, but everyone is really nice so hopefully it won't be much of an issue. I wish I could be more open about my condition like a lot of you are but I have so much shame around it, I know I shouldn't but what can I say, I do.

It sometimes takes a while to get comfortable with these things. I've been having weird gut issues for 30+ years now. At first, I was horrified and extremely shy about it and there was a lot of shame. I empathize with your pain. We all process these things at different rates. And yeah, this is hopefully changing, but back in the day, we were socialized to believe that women, in particular, should seem like we do not poop, because pooping and farting and belching and all that is digestive isn't romantic or feminine. What a load of crap, literally and figuratively!!

I got my pouch in 1995 - I have no excuse! Maybe since I've had this since I was 15 (lucky me) when I was at my most vulnerable, I never really learned how to be open about it. If I was going through this surgery as an adult I might have been more open about it but instead I've just felt like a freak for most of my life and kept it as my secret. I've let a few friends in over the years but have never really told anyone the full extent of it. I am lucky to have a long term partner and family members I can talk to though, but I mostly keep my struggles to myself.

Hi Anna,

I think you have a good plan. I agree with your strategy. Ask your boss to speak for a minute (maybe get on his calendar).  Maybe say something like this “Hi Bob, thanks for meeting with me. I am very excited to join the team for our upcoming trip. I know it will be productive. I wanted to share that I have a medical condition that requires me to have private access to a bathroom. I would be grateful if we can book a room for me with a bathroom in it, private from my coworkers. I would be comfortable paying the additional cost personally if needed. This medical condition does not affect my performance in any way, however, these bathroom arrangements are important to my health.”

Anna, your request is very reasonable. FYI, some employees can’t share sleeping rooms for religious reasons, or snoring, or breastfeeding, or allergies, or insomnia. A myriad of reasons.

if other workers ask “why do you have a private room”, just say I am up at night a lot and I prefer to not wake anyone.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a reasonable accommodation and work should pay for it, as our condition could be considered a disability. It does prevent many of us from certain activities, many of which are social.

That's a really good point!

@Sara Marie posted:

As far as I'm concerned, this is a reasonable accommodation and work should pay for it, as our condition could be considered a disability. It does prevent many of us from certain activities, many of which are social.

Totally agree! It is a disability, we have to plan our life around it especially with the pooping and drinking water

@Anna625 posted:

That's a really good point!

I hope you can let us know how everything goes!!! Especially that convo with your boss! I am curious about how everything goes !

Thank you, I will! I am hoping to talk to him this week.

@Anna625 posted:

Thank you, I will! I am hoping to talk to him this week.

Okay perfect!! I am excited to hear what happens!!!

I do not go anywhere without my wipes and Calmoseptine lol

I don't really have any additional advice but just  saying that I totally sympathize with your situation.  I have an issue with the bathroom and public/others day to day (e.g. just at work, or at someone's house) so going on a trip with sharing a bathroom that isn't private would be so worrisome.  Also, just a note...I had my  colon removed at 15 too.  I'm 51 now and it's something we live with but doesn't mean we would be  used to the social aspect.

I agree with others...I would tell your boss in private that you need your own private bathroom for medical  reasons.  Good luck...let us know how it goes.

Thank you! Yeah - the daily stress of navigating it is a lot. Traveling often sends me into a tailspin if I have to share a house with anyone besides my partner. 30 years of a pouch and it never gets easier...I also have been dealing with pouchitis for the past years which makes everything worse! I hope you're doing as ok as possible. The support in this community means a lot! Nice to have people who understand!

@Anna625 posted:

Thank you! Yeah - the daily stress of navigating it is a lot. Traveling often sends me into a tailspin if I have to share a house with anyone besides my partner. 30 years of a pouch and it never gets easier...I also have been dealing with pouchitis for the past years which makes everything worse! I hope you're doing as ok as possible. The support in this community means a lot! Nice to have people who understand!

Damn 30 years??!?!!?! I hope you celebrate your anniversaries!!!

I am glad you have a partner that understands!

I cannot imagine dealing with pouchitis! I never had it, I know that must make it more difficult!!!

I am grateful for all of you, we are a family here!!

@Anna625 posted:

Thank you! Yeah - the daily stress of navigating it is a lot. Traveling often sends me into a tailspin if I have to share a house with anyone besides my partner. 30 years of a pouch and it never gets easier...I also have been dealing with pouchitis for the past years which makes everything worse! I hope you're doing as ok as possible. The support in this community means a lot! Nice to have people who understand!

Agree...it doesn't get easier and something we always have to deal with.  Am really sorry too that  you have regular pouchitis.  Hope it can get under control.

@Anna625 Did you talk to your boss yet???

I talked to my boss today and he was super cool, I just said that I'd really prefer to have my own room and en suite bathroom because I have some health issues that make staying in an Airbnb with others challenging, and he said I'll definitely have my own room and he'll do all he can to make sure I have an en suite. He said he'll check with me before he books anything and to not worry about it. I feel relieved!

That is great.  Nice work advocating for yourself.

@Anna625 posted:

I talked to my boss today and he was super cool, I just said that I'd really prefer to have my own room and en suite bathroom because I have some health issues that make staying in an Airbnb with others challenging, and he said I'll definitely have my own room and he'll do all he can to make sure I have an en suite. He said he'll check with me before he books anything and to not worry about it. I feel relieved!

YAY!!!! I am happy to hear he was super cool and not asked you provide any medical info proving your case! That is great!!! Now you can poop freely noise and all!!!

LEt us know how it goes and how your trip goes!!!

@Anna625 I'm late to the party here, but I wanted to thank you for posting your question - the ensuing conversation was very helpful and comforting. I can't imagine there is anyone with a j-pouch who hasn't been found themselves in a shared hotel room bathroom, a guest bedroom bathroom , an office bathroom or any public-ish bathroom (restaurant, museum, coffee shop) and not dreaded the situation. I am both looking forward to and dreading a trip with my partner and 11 year old grandson. We are going to a National Park Inn for 4 days and will be sharing a room with two queen beds and one bathroom. Even though they know I am noisy, I'm often up at night and have difficulty in the bathroom, and they both have nothing but sympathy and never say anything untoward, I just dread it. I am glad I am retired and never had to deal with staying at an Air BnB with co-workers - gahhh! I traveled a lot, but always had my own hotel room.  And I agree with what the others said - it's a federally required reasonable accommodation to assure you have your own bathroom.

Thanks again for your question - it generated great ideas and a lovely outpouring of support and compassion. I very much hope your business trip went well!

@SeattleJane posted:

@Anna625 I'm late to the party here, but I wanted to thank you for posting your question - the ensuing conversation was very helpful and comforting. I can't imagine there is anyone with a j-pouch who hasn't been found themselves in a shared hotel room bathroom, a guest bedroom bathroom , an office bathroom or any public-ish bathroom (restaurant, museum, coffee shop) and not dreaded the situation. I am both looking forward to and dreading a trip with my partner and 11 year old grandson. We are going to a National Park Inn for 4 days and will be sharing a room with two queen beds and one bathroom. Even though they know I am noisy, I'm often up at night and have difficulty in the bathroom, and they both have nothing but sympathy and never say anything untoward, I just dread it. I am glad I am retired and never had to deal with staying at an Air BnB with co-workers - gahhh! I traveled a lot, but always had my own hotel room.  And I agree with what the others said - it's a federally required reasonable accommodation to assure you have your own bathroom.

Thanks again for your question - it generated great ideas and a lovely outpouring of support and compassion. I very much hope your business trip went well!

Yeah that happened to me last week actually. I was at Church and my friend came with me to the bathroom and I was trying to stay as quiet as possible lol. One time I was pooping so loud that my friend asked was I okay? I was embarassed lol!

I am glad you have sympathetic people with you

Aw, thank you so much - I really appreciate everyone's support, it means so much to me. I am so glad your partner and grandson and so understanding but I still sympathize, sharing a hotel room even with my partner can make me stressed! In a perfect world we'd all be able to afford massive suites when traveling

@Anna625 posted:

Aw, thank you so much - I really appreciate everyone's support, it means so much to me. I am so glad your partner and grandson and so understanding but I still sympathize, sharing a hotel room even with my partner can make me stressed! In a perfect world we'd all be able to afford massive suites when traveling

Thats whats up!!! Did you have your trip yet???

No, it's in January but I know that my boss has to book the Airbnb soon so I wanted to reach out early

@Anna625 posted:

No, it's in January but I know that my boss has to book the Airbnb soon so I wanted to reach out early

That is pretty smart!!! I am so happy all of this worked out for you!

Please let us know how it goes! Your own bathroom sounds lovely!!!