HI, Jeff's Mom. and my best to Jeff!
* I have had TWO takedown reversals in my "career," and right now I have a loop ileostomy (this is required for potential future take-down and retries with the j-pouch.)
* I feel 100% normal and fantastic .. but I, too, am going to see Dr. Remzi in April for a re-do. It is important to get Jeff feeling great for any potential future retry surgery. But I can tell you, the ostomy can and does give life back!
* As far as the ostomy supplies and leaking, I'd try to simplify .. sometimes the barrier stuff is not required and causes more work and potential failures. I use Convatec Durahesive wafers that easily last a week or more (and yes, I have a loop ileostomy.) I use the drainable and vented bags and found it's best to change them, if you can, every night to keep from the ballooning up. (the vents get clogged quickly.)
I have yet to see and wound/ostomy nurse know more about what type of appliance works best for me, but I'd certainly take advantage of any local expert advice that you can. You and Jeff are going to be experts, keep plugging! But there are lots of forums that discuss this topic and who knows, maybe a local person who actually has an ileostomy can help you figure it out a bit better!
As far as pain, I'd want to be as careful as I could about dependency. He's got a great mom, though. None of us are perfect, but with you at his side he's got a comfortable and bright future!
Best wishes.