Should I tell him??

I'm no expert at all but I would suggest being honest upfront; if he is interested at all in a long term relationship he will understand. Many folks you would never expect have a chronic health condition; he may indeed have issues too.

Mema, if you’ve told him that you have Crohn’s that’s probably enough, IMO. He really doesn’t have to know how your underwear is prepared, etc. - that’s just you living your life, with a disease you’ve disclosed.

Could your leakage be from pouchitis?

If he is worth keeping, he will accept you as you are with any imperfections that you have.  You have already opened the door to further discussions by mentioning that you have Crohns and he is fine with that.  At the appropriate time, you can bring up your J pouch and other things relating to your Chrohns. It is better to bring them up in a discussion before they become evident as the result of an “accident”. With so much information available on the internet, he may have already learned about the disease and what people with it can experience.

Hi

In time, he will get to know you better.

If he is the one, he will prove it by being there no matter what. 

Let him learn more about you as you discover more about each other in your relationship.

I would tell him early on, just provide the simple facts. If he reacts poorly, he's not the right one for long term, and it's better to know now than after you've invested time, emotion, and hope. I believe in cutting your losses. You will know if his reaction is not good. If you haven't told a lot of people outside your circle hopefully he will not either. Just be sure you can trust him. Long distance relationships can set aside behaviours and characteristics that are clearly evident in day to day, face to face relationships. 

Thanks to everyone for their great responses, much appreciated. 

Scott: I wish it was Pouchitis, but unfortunately I don't believe that it is. I have been on many antibiotics and the results are always the same, incontinence "rears" it's ugly head every evening.

Not all pouchitis responds to antibiotics. If I were having those symptoms I’d try a biologic medication. 

Good luck with the new guy.

I don’t believe he needs to know anything beyond what you have told him. The information isn’t that important in terms of his or any man’s process of evaluating a life partner. Chemistry factors are way more important and if the relationship isn’t at a committed stage, this information is in my mind almost completely irrelevant.

i have been dating a lady for 2 years and only recently did I bring up my Crohn’s diagnosis, in the context of telling her why I had to go for a Remicade infusion. She didn’t care. We have been intimate for a long time and she has never even asked me about my obvious surgical scars especially the big oval where the ostomy was. She also has surgical scars, on one of her breasts, the result of a benign tumor that was removed. She discussed that with me, as well as her family history of breast cancer, which is rather extensive. None of that information changed anything in my mind.  Relationships that actually work do not get impacted by this type of information.

CT Barrister...thanks so much.

Scott, I'm on Remicade and have been for over 2 years....never made a difference. I do have to see the doctor on Monday and will let him know once again what's happening.

Its upto you.

In my UC phase I told my girlfriend about the illness and it didnt bother her one bit. We broke up for a different reason long after that. Even post takedown I've been out with friends and everyone knows my situation. No one really cares as long as I dont act like a crybaby over it. No one in the world wants to know your weakness or even if you'd tell them I dont think it'll affect them in any way. He doesnt need to know all the medical details as you might be tempted to tell him. Remember that us pouchers think of our bodies to be very different from others but for a regular person stool consistency and bms are not much of an issue. 

Just tell him briefly and as you guys go on he'll start knowing you himself 👍

I just remembered something, I was told after my surgery, connecting back the intestine with the rectum that I should be doing kegels for the rectum, I'm not sure what it's called for strengthening the sphincter muscle. I find that if I don't do these often I will also have leakage at night. Try strengthening the rectum and see if that helps.

This honestly isn’t a question that any of us can answer for you. That is totally your decision. People here telling you yes or no can only go off their experience or the way they feel. However your relationship with this guy is not like anyone’s else’s. you decide if you think you should or not.  If you feel comfortable and would like him to know then yes sure. If you’re not ready then don’t. 

I would tell him. I always told the guys I dated. My now ex husband said he didn't care but later when we we're married he made mean comments about me being sick. If you have a good guy he will stick with you. 

Maybe get a script from ur GI Doc to get biofeedback training for incontinence to strenghen ur anal sphincter muscles, similar to kegels, to avoid this leakage. It is usually available at the local hospital "Incontinence Clinic", where they do this "training program". It does help, a lot! Good luck. 

Use sanitary pads instead of tp.  My hubby uses the ultra thin overnight ones.  Good luck, sounds like a great guy.

I use those too!!!

Mema,

I was single and dating for 20yrs with a K pouch...Abdominal stoma. I dated, told some and not others, I kept it to myself for a long time and hid things behind sexy lingerie and band-aides...after a while, you just get tired of hiding.

I ended up telling the ones who had a chance to stick around...But please understand that in the long-run, if they care more about that then they do about you then they are not for you...

But you have to get them to stick around first!

So keep silent on the silly stuff...you don't know which silly stuff they have going on their side either!

Sharon

Mema, I think you have told him enough for now. The other stuff, if he's the one will come. Good luck, relax and have fun. 

Aimee