Bwils, I have this same problem along with not being able to get an erection. This issue has been going on since Aug 2015 when I had my initial surgery. The urologist told me the same thing.

Hey guys, I have a question about sex for men after take down, me and my BF have been together for almost a year. He suffered with BAD UC prior to the surgeries so really no sex. And then went through the first surgery with the ileo and was scared of sex because of the bag. Now he's 8 weeks post Take down and he is still very distressed about sex. Can someone please give me some insight? He says I don't understand but he's really not talking to me. TIA

Have you guys tried to take some pills for ED yet? They do work, and I hope that after some time, it will make a difference. My impact was not as bad, but I still had issues, until I went to my urologist and really worked on several items to try. I also take testosterone and that along with the pills works very well. Explore everything out there, it is very worth it. For Tia, tell your BF, there is nothing to be distressed about, failure is only in his mind because IF you are willing to work with him, and tell it will all be ok, and DO things that don't need an Erection, it will ease the anxiety. When you get past that marker in your mind, you'd be surprised and a lot of this is also mental. However, the physical part is VERY frustrating as well, and if you let this get to you, it is a spiral. It doesn't have to be. Remember, the penis is a muscle and if you don't use it, it isn't a good thing, and it won't be fixed in one miracle moment. I hope the best for everyone here, and the doctor is the place to go and regroup and get a game plan together.  I don't say that lightly, good luck!

klynan24 posted:

Hey guys, I have a question about sex for men after take down, me and my BF have been together for almost a year. He suffered with BAD UC prior to the surgeries so really no sex. And then went through the first surgery with the ileo and was scared of sex because of the bag. Now he's 8 weeks post Take down and he is still very distressed about sex. Can someone please give me some insight? He says I don't understand but he's really not talking to me. TIA

Hi klynan. I had to really examine the dates because I seriously thought you might by my husband. I went through exactly what your bf is going through. I had severe UC for nine years so sex was pretty much out. Then colon cancer set in a year ago. I had my entire colon removed a year ago today. Thus, had the Jpouch surgery done and had a temporary ileo while I underwent chemotherapy and such. I couldn't have sex then either for a few reasons. I was very self conscience about the bag, not to mention it leaked a lot. Therefore, I was also afraid of having sex. Also, due to the removal of my colon and rectum, I couldn't anyway and my husband feels that he is too macho to go the other way. I am a little insulted by that because it makes me feel like he looks at me as being more feminine. He denies that is the case. Anyway, I just had the take down surgery done in May, two months ago, and now I have trouble functioning correctly. I can get an erection and can even finish the job. However, sometimes it is a struggle to do so and the end result is a somewhat pitiful puddle. Very little comes out and barely comes out. Nothing like what used to happen. I feel self conscience about that too. This leads to stress which causes more performance issues. It's very embarrassing and I don't like to talk to my husband about sex either. When he mentions it, I try to change the subject. I feel like I'm falling apart and nothing works anymore.

I had retrograde ejaculation which slowly subsided. It came back over a period of a year or so but never to what it was before surgery (I also had chemo and radiation). So giving it time is the right way to go. I am older and have children and  so not interested in the fertility aspect of this issue. I think the lack of ejaculation may be a bigger issue for gay men. While I am happy it returned, it wasnt  that a big deal to not ejaculate (for me).  It just came back I didnt do anything. There are, from what I have read, not very good treatments for this condition.

Vick, so sorry you're going through all of this. I'm still dealing with the issues with my BF. He is still not wanting or able to perform. I'm not sure which it is because he won't talk to me, or anyone about it. I'm fearing he is taking matters into another direction and self medicating at this point. I'm really scared. 

I've had the same issue although age may be a factor.   I tried Cialis and it does help but not 100%.  Fortunately, my my wife is OK with it.   I agree that it may be more of a frustration for gay people, and I hope it gets better.  Everyone deserves to be happy and loved.

Hey I just wanted to let everyone know that, I had the same problem post take down for months. I had erection, was able to perform but nothing was coming out. But after 6 months or so the condition improved little bit and after a year or so, it is now restored. Only difference now is that the semen is now too thick than what it used to be. But I don't worry about it because we are expecting a baby soon!

Maxx, congratulations!

Wow, congratulations Maxx, I cry every day cause I can't have child, I won't know what going to my kids recital, or ballgame. You are are very lucky, I wrote something in the women's health if you want to see. I had my take down surgery when I was 14 and now I am 41. I was robbed of children and performance. Google sex and the jpouch. It may explain better.