I'm sorry to hear of all of your problems, all of you. I unexpectedly had my 24+ YO pouch disconnected and an end ileostomy made 10/17 due to a very large septic abscess. (I had planned to have the pouch removed anyhow, due to fistulas, pouchitis, cuffitis, strictures, etc.)
One year later, 10/18, I had the jpouch removed, and my stoma revised (due to kinking). This was all done at the Cleveland Clinic by Dr. Tracy Hull and company. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff/704-tracy-hull.
I had the surgery done at age 61. The surgery itself took around 3 hrs, maybe a bit less. An ovary had to be removed due to severe adhesions. I had a Barbie Butt made, but I didn't have a huge perianal wound - somehow, she closed it from the inside, so I didn't have to deal with that "end" of it too harshly. She left a small opening in the perianal area for drainage, which occurred for awhile, but wasn't too serious. I did have a bout of afib after surgery which landed me in ICU for a day, but no problems in that area since the surgery. After discharge, I had to return to the hospital due to ileus and then gastritis, but that all resolved after about 8 days. I created a thread re. my jpouch removal here under https://www.j-pouch.org/topic/...al-date-and-time-set for more details on the experience, if interested.
With the pouch gone, everything settled down, and no more fistulas is in particular a happy ending. I'm on no meds other than imodium as needed.
Dr. Hull was the most competent, caring, attentive, honest doctor I had through my 40 some yrs of IBD and surgeries, and I very highly recommend her.
Any questions, feel free to ask.