The first seton took him a little longer than he anticipated to get in. The inside "hole" of the fistula was small and hard to find, so I was dilated longer than normal (walked like Johm Wayne for a good 5 days after). I only took about 1/3 of a Norco 1-2X a day (yeah, I'm a lightweight) for the first 1-2 days after. Then, it was bearable. I just felt more "violated" than in pain, honestly, mostly from the dilation.
If I'd not had the outlet anastamosis narrow after the seton placement, it WOULD have been easy peasey. Whether that was a complication of the whole ordeal or not, he couldn't say (but I tend to think it might have been related SOMEhow)... Though my fistula is nowhere near my anastamosis or pouch. It's a very small, common, intrasphincteric one. When I was to have it placed, I was of course being a worry wart patient/nurse, and my CRS said, as he explained it, "We have already used too many words to describe it," meaning, it's like a blip on the horizon. (He's German/Austrian, and has a dry sense of humor...
And in my case, he was right. It ISN'T terrible.
So yeah, the seton isn't awful at all, especially a week and a half post placement, but cleaning after a BM is a wee more complicated than without one. It gets easier as the days go on. I use a hot washcloth at work, a wet disposable towelette when out, and sitz baths at home when I can. Baths feel particularly nice.
Actually, the I&D of the abscess (when they cut it to facilitate draining) hurt WAY worse than the fistula OR the seton (plus, it was done in the ED with local anesthetic... A lidocaine shot to the anus? omg. NEVER want to be awake for that EVER again! It hurt for a long time, too, I thought it'd never heal. Our J Pouch poos just get "around" more than a formed stool, and it would burn. I suppose someone with normal formed once a day stools have a bit of an advantage over us in ease of healing, if they get one. The cycle of the fistula was painful to me in a burning, spasm-y way. When it would fill and then burst, the "after" burst was soooo relieving. But the seton makes that cycle stop. Honestly, most of the hours of my day, I forget I have my little rubber friend.
I hope you're lucky and escape the fistula, though!