Leakage during sex

Do you use dry wipes (normal toilet paper)? I would not try to clean inside the anal canal that way, it just irritates the skin with the result you noticed.

I can recommend using a bidet, which reaches also a little bit into the anal canal. When I'm out of house and have to use toilet paper, I spit on it to make it smoother. You can even take a little dip inside to catch such remnant small pieces of stool, just avoid rubbing around.

I have had a sore like that and tap water enemas helped clean the area and let it heal much more quickly than when I have waited it out. When there is fecal matter stuck in the sore spot, it can not heal. My bidet couldn't wash it out well enough because it was a little deeper in there than it could reach, but maybe yours can be reached with a bidet if it's very close to the anal opening.

Thank you both for answering.

Steve, I use a Dude Wipe after the initial outside toilet paper first pass. It’s unscented and stronger than a wet piece of tp. I guess it’s time to invest in this bidet thing everyone talks about. It seems complicated to me. But I think you are right about the extra cleaning I’ve been doing may have caused the sore.

Sarah Marie, I’m not sure how deep the sore is. But because the area around the outside of the anus is so ridgey and maybe a bit thickened, I think the first 1/4-1/2 inch inside is not really the mucosa tissue, but more like the outside. And it’s usually so tight that putting even an enema in is very difficult. But, for whatever reason lately, since I’ve noticed stool  in that end area, I can get in there with a finger wrapped in the Dude Wipe. So, do you have a water enema bottle next to the toilet you use every time, or only when there’s a sore?

Honestly,I think my extra cleaning has been getting the sphincter muscle to think it’s supposed to loosen up and maybe that’s why the accident happened. I think I better not use even a finger with a wipe it TP, but only something thin like enema or bidet. Meanwhile I got an appt with my colorectal surgeon for next week. Haven’t seen him since 2016. So maybe he can tell me if I caused this myself by trying to be too clean. I am a bit obsessed with this since the new relationship.

You guys are awesome! Thank goodness for the website over the years. It really helps to not feel so alone in all of this  

I bet if you can get a finger in there, you can get the pointy tube of the enema in there.  Just make sure you get one with a flexible insertable part, usually silicone, not hard plastic.

I don't use the enema all the time, just when I have the irritation.  I try to be finished eating dinner really early so I can finish digesting, then I do the enema before bed so that the tissue can be cleansed for while and have time to heal.  I do it again in the morning if needed.  Those two times, at the beginning and end of the fast, provide a lengthier time of relative cleanliness for the wound to heal without having to battle infective particles.  I have had these things clear up much faster this way.  Without the enema, I have had it come and go for months.  With the enema, it may take as long as a week, but generally gets markedly better within a few days.  Sometimes I have to do the enema more than once at night.  I do it until the water runs clear.  This is a regular tap water enema.  Warm water is more soothing.  Some people recommend that you boil the water, use filtered water, etc., because city water can be dirty.  I have always just used the city water with good effect and I'm too lazy/impatient to boil water and wait for it to cool off long enough (until it's warm) to put it in my butt.

This process can make your pre-bed routine much more lengthy, but having an intensely sore butt is awful.  I'd rather put the time in!

Sarah Marie, Great Info! Thanks!

I bought an electric tea pot on Amazon for $10. I fill it and heat at bedtime. In the middle of the night, multiple times, I can suck up some hot/warm water into the bulb and then some cold tap water so that it is warm. I use that when needed to clean the pouch out.

I also, before the Colectomy, bought a few bidéts on Amazon and installed then on the house toilets. Pretty simple. Turn off the toilet water at the valve. Disconnect the hose coming from the toilet AT the valve. The bidét valve screws right onto the other valve. Then connect the hose going to the toilet.

I heard of nightmares wiping ones ass into pain. The bidét is awesome. I also bought some finger cots, or little finger condoms, to lube the tube and anus before inserted. It makes it slide in much easier with no pain or tissue damage. Good luck with that sore.

I’ve never heard that was all it takes to install. You make it sound easy for someone like me. Also, I’m familiar with fingercots. I have to wear them in the winter quite a lot because my fingers get so dried and cracked. Does everybody else have extremely dry cracked hands from washing their hands 10 million times a day from going to the bathroom 10 million times a day? Again thanks for your help!

Shea butter is pretty good for dry/cracked skin, and of course, drinking more water, which I have to kind of force myself to do in the winter at first, but once I get used to it, it becomes more pleasant and I even want it!  When the tap water is too cold for me to guzzle it down, I put some in a glass and then leave it out and let it get closer to room temp before I drink, so each time I drink, I refill the glass for the next time.  I restarted this winter ritual after I noticed that I wasn't drinking enough water.  It always takes me by surprise.

Installing a simple, inexpensive bidet is pretty easy. If you want one that heats the water (which is a nice feature!) then the bidet is more expensive and requires an electrical outlet nearby that probably has to be installed by an electrician. Ideally the outlet would be on a dedicated circuit, which can be costly. Some folks hook the bidet up to the hot water line, but that would be useless in my house (the water takes too long to heat up).

I totally see your point. I’m not very good with cold water. I also don’t have a lot of money. This is a dilemma. Thanks for reminding me

Just wanted to add that we are talking about a bidet attachment for the existing toilet, not a stand-alone bidet, to keep it inexpensive. There are simple attachments to fix below the toilet seat or integrated ones that replace the toilet seat.

Bear with me here: I found that taking 1Tbsp psyllium husk, mixed in water, before every meal, stops the anal acid burn (bile acids) better than the medications WelChol or cholesteramine (for me). If my anus was acid burnt, the bidét cold water burned & really hurt. I went through hell for a few weeks with crazy burnt anal pain. Just tapping the anus dry, after the bidét with TP would leave slight tinge of blood. Luckily the cheap amazon (under toilet cold water) bidet works great now, now that I am using the psyllium.

The cold water is always an issue for my wife when she uses it. It's just to cold to use "generally" for her.

I hope you can get something going to help with this issue.

Thank you so much for your input.