I'm so embarrassed!

Thanx for replying jeane at the moment I've only had step one done so I've the ileostomy, I had a consultation with my surgeon last week and I was hoping he'd give me a date to start j pouch ops but instead he checked my anal sphincter muscles and said they are far to weak to have the surgery done did u experience anything like this? I'm trying everything to try and strengthen them I really really hope it works

Sally,
I had it happen after step 1 of my k pouch surgery...my pouch was not just leaking but gushing and I had a new boyfriend (I was 19 at the time) and we went to his parent's house...I wore a diaper across my abdomen to soak up the leakage at the time...well it wasn't nearly enough...I leaked all over him, the bed and myself...and then his parents came home!
He threw me, my clothes and half the sheets into the bathroom after me so that I could get cleaned up and dressed...and then I came out as if nothing happened and he presented me to his parents!!!
We laughed out heads off afterwards.
When you have an ostomy or pouch you really need to have a good sense of humour too or you cannot survive...I tended to giggle when nervous and make stupid jokes...it was better than dying of mortification.
Just laugh it off and move on or try sex in the bath tub!
ShARON

If I were you I'd put a big towel on the bed were you are going to have sex and not worry about it. The vaj is right there next to the anal canal and if anything is in the canal it is bound to push it out. I hate to sound crass but men don't care about things like leaks as such. When you two are finished you can remove the towel and the sheets won't be wet, he probably won't even notice. I'd probably get up and go to the restroom and clean myself up a bit as I got rid of the towel. I should say if he were my husband he wouldn't notice or care.

As for you sphincter muscles. Have you gone for a second opinion? Has he had you go through pelvic floor therapy with Physical Therapists? Were they working fine before you had the surgery? This is the first time I've heard of this before but he may be doing you a favor of not putting you through the whole j-pouch experience. It is not a walk through the park for all. I'd had to see you not be able to have the surgery because of his opinion that may be wrong is all.
Take care and there is nothing to be embarrassed about on here!

For what it's worth, the two things I found helpful with intimacy and an ileostomy was 1) I had to be 'on top' and 2) I emptied the bag and wrapped a large scarf around the pouch.

I know you're issue was with leakage, but if you are looking for a way to hide the pouch as well, check out ostomysecrets.com. I bought a couple of their 'intimacy' wraps while I had my bag.
Katie

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Especially what you are going through.

This is great to be open about these issues.
Never be embarrassed!
Everyone.....please do not be embarrassed about any pouch or bag issues.
As long as your partner knows there should be no issues.
My wife is nonchalant about it.
What happens happens and that makes me more comfortable with it.
This is a great forum.
Richard.

Hi Sally

As others have said, there are no embarassing questions, especially on this site!

Everyone is different, but it took me several years to stop leaking a little at night, and I used to wear pads sometimes to avoid making a mess. You're sphincter muscles should get tighter over time, esepcially if you go through with the part of your operation, but in the meantime it probably wouldn't hurt to try some tightening exercises?

Sally. Sorry for this late response.
My surgeon never checked my anal muscles prior to my operation
Maybe he felt I had no issues going into surgery
How are you making out?

I guess I am lucky have never had an accident but anytime my husband and I get intimate we always use a waterproof pad. No matter what. Even if I think it is fine, we use it. I would rather be safe then sorry. You can buy any size you want at Joann Fabric. They have it and you can cut it down to size. I don't wash with any fabric softener and I let it air dry. That is my only suggestions on what you can use during that moment. Sure makes you feel better knowing something is under there.