I am incontinent

Kegels definitely help, but it would have been more effective you you started them a few months before your hook up, just to get your muscles tight again. It will get better, just keep up the kegels and your muscles should get used to staying tight. Coca cola would be the worst thing for this! lol, don't drink it. You should start seeing improvements in around a week.

I am so sorry that you are going through this...I know how painful, embarassing and destructive to the ego this can be (beware of butt burn...wash your bottom as often as you can with mild soap and water) but nature has a nasty way of telling us if you don't use it, you lose it....but it is not a permanent state...Keep up those keigels! Tighten, loosen, hold for 10sec...And increase the time as you go...deep breathing and holding your breath deep in your abdomen at the same time...inhale and relax the sphincter, exhale, tighten the sphincter and abs and hold for as long as you can and repeat....
Imagine that you have a bean or marble in there and try to hold it tight...
It will improve.
Sharon

Thanks I will try that

I say go for the Coke if you're craving it. Let it sit for a bit to remove some of the carbonation.

Since you had your ileo for 4 years you might indeed have lazy sphincters and they might need a little help in remembering what their job is. You might want to see if there is a rectal therapist in your area who can help teach those lazy muscles.

kathy