I know this question could open up a long list of how people have been impacted. I'm just curious if others have had experiences similar to mine.
Mom trained me with tough love so that, for better or worse, I never felt I had a license not to carry on normally. I aggressively pursued a career as a CPA....partly because I knew it was a background that would keep me employed due to demand and in the event I had to come and go due to health issues.
I always put myself in positions that were high demand because I was so driven. I wasn't very good at listening to my body and it always took a toll on me.
Supervisor feedback would commonly be that I was a diligent, detailed, hard worker who prepared exceptional work....but not consistently. I would be on a big project and really nail it, but then I would be exhausted due to illness and wouldn't be able to hit the next project as hard. I needed recovery time. I never shared this with employers and, honestly, I didn't realize that was what was happening. Well, I partly I didn't share because I didn't want to make excuses, it's a private illness and I was afraid I might lose my job. I was just trudging along the only way I knew how.
The other weakness I had was building work relationships. I always had preoccupation in the back of my head about managing pain and making sure I didn't waste time while I was "well" in the event I got too sick and had to be out. I always had my head down, always busy. I would be friendly enough when approached, but I am sure I looked like I was too busy to be interrupted.
I also avoided going out or eating out with coworkers bc it was too uncomfortable. I needed my lunch time as down time to rest my head and body from the constant preoccupation with work and pain. Plus it was more comfortable for me to pick throughout the day at my desk and not have to exert extra energy to go somewhere, worry about the bathroom, blah, blah, blah. I needed that time as "me" time.
It's unfortunate. I had a reputation as a good performer, but just not quite connected with people. Oh, and one time a boss told me he felt he couldn't tell what I was thinking many times. Like I wasn't being transparent or open enough. Now that I am older and wiser, I probably would have explained things to him. I just didn't even realize, myself what I was projecting to other people.
In the end, I chose to stay home with my kids and work for myself. I am very pleased I have been able to do so. I did recently take a contract job in audit for a large corporation. The people and the work were great, but it was the last nail in the coffin for my body. After the contract was up, pouchitis finally took me out. However, the interpersonal experience with coworkers was very nice this time. I pretty much had the same work approach, but felt well liked at the same time. Everyone was too darn busy to be very social, but people seemed pleased to interact with me when they stopped by. Lessons learned.....
I am back at home now and hope it stays that way. )
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