I apologize in advance for any lack of preferable coherence in this; the isolation from all of this has finally got me into a depression and I have about a month to go until my psychiatrist has an opening to do something about it, so my thoughts have been difficult to put together.
That said, tomorrow will be ten days since takedown. At first everything was super liquidy - I mean like water liquidy - and there was of course a lot of burning and irritation despite my bland diet. BUT! I could feel it inside the J-Pouch; I had an awareness of it holding waste and needing to be emptied despite having some issues with controlling that process.
I have since tried several things to add bulk, as I consistently hear that bulk inherently adds control. I'd like to say a thank you right now to advice I got from a user of this site for Metamucil wafers - they are a godsend. So I've done pretty well at adding bulk to it.
With this added bulk, burning is very rare and probably only because of how raw I have gotten from all the liquidy waste at first. So that's nice.
The problem: I now have no awareness of anything being in the pouch. The bulk is still somewhat new so I'm hoping this will resolve itself with time, but I still feel skeptical as it seems if bulk inherently adds control than why is mine now worse? My awareness of the pouch's need to be emptied now comes when it starts to empty itself. In my pants. Obviously this is not ideal. At the moment I am free to sit on a commode all day to cope with this, but night's are big trouble if I try to sleep anywhere but a on the toilet. As the bouts are all relatively small and frequent this doesn't help matters.
Any advice or ideas as to why I can no longer feel the fullness of my pouch now that I have bulk? This is of course preferable to the amount of burning I had when it was all liquidy, but still far from ideal. Any info would be much appreciated, and I thank all of you who have gotten to the end of this for bearing with me in what I feel has been a difficult articulation.
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