Hi Crystal,
We are all very different and react differently to our IBD journeys, depending on how severe or sudden the onset and surgeries were and how our lives were going at the time.
It is also a question of 'nature' vs 'nurture'...I think that some of us are rather 'bulletproof' to trauma (until we are not) and others suffer from trauma immediately or not.
I thought that I was one of the bulletproof ones. I had been sick my whole life, dealt with the worst again and again but being that it started at birth for me, I had never known any differently and thought that that had made me stronger than others.
Wrong. After years of dealing with my pouch (for better or worse) and creating a balance and accepting my new 'normal' I had a massive pouch fail.
I also live in a country that does not want to do or learn about k pouches so I was very much alone facing an aggressive medical world that only wanted to remove mine and throw it in the garbage. I felt like a medical orphan or pariah.
It caused massive emotional distress and trauma.
I fought for nearly 10yrs to save my pouch and I won, but the trauma was there...at every relapse, every complication, even if outwardly I seemed to be in control, on the inside I was a mess...shaking, sweating, sleepless, bulimic, short-tempered and in tears.
I did not go the medication route, or to see a psy...for me work is therapy, exercise and writing too...I spent hours baking and cooking, gardening, and climbing stairs...1000xs at a time with my music playing in my ears...somehow it put me into a sort of trance; I worked through my anxiety and fears that way.
Things calmed down and I finally got my pouch back and functioning.
I cannot say that it won't come back, especially with the advent of other illnesses, diseases and traumas but at least I found my own way to handle it and it works.
It is not because I am stronger or feel less (I have been accused of that) and it isn't because I have a better support system (if you know me, you know that I do not...not really) but...I found my personal key...that works for me...
We each have our own keys to our calm, serendipity, control or peace. It is very individual. Needing meds and not taking them, in my opinion, is the equivalent to breaking a leg and not casting it...things can only get worse...and why not use the medical options available to help you if you can?
I do not know if this helps you but I hope that it does.
Sharon
