Holly-
I have always joked with my Doc that my plan is to manage as best I can for as long as I can, and that I will get an ileo when I am getting admitted to the nursing home
In the meantime, I have incontinence due to fistula surgery post-pouch and now chronic pouchitis. Joy. Do you know what your incontinence is due to? Mine is both issues-I use a lot of fiber, immodium, and codeine to thicken the stool to help with incontinence. I also take antibiotics, Entocort (which I am weaning), and recently added Immuran to help. I am better than I have been in years and it feels wonderful! It could have gone the other way and not worked, and if/when that happens, I will be looking at an End ileo. I go to Mayo, and they do not do BCIR or K pouch nor do they recommend them-too many "repoerations" they said. So my plan is to keep fighting for the best "management" I can achieve, and when my options are out, go to ileo. I think that is the only way I will really feel OK with it and able to accept it. Based on my temp ileo years ago, I know that ileo will solve several of my current problems, but itself still requires supplies, time, physical and psychological adjustment, has potential for skin issues, leaks, accidents, too. So it is not like a full on "cure" for the challenges we are experiencing. You may have other medical options before you have to make this decision, that you could consider.
Oh yeah-and also, get a bidet-it does wonders for the butt burn, and will save money on TP and creams and keep you out of the tub. It will make you feel like a new person. I got one for $200 on ebay-just replaces the toilet seat and hooks up to the cold water of toilet and hot waterline of nearby sink. Really easy to install. Mine is a Biobidet i3000, but there are many models available, and you don't have to spend alot-I bet mine paid for itself in less TP and desatin in year 1 alone, not to mention no more chronic anal pain and improved quality of life. Try it-no regrets!