Connie, you'll probably benefit from being willing to try small changes to see how they work for *you*. In the meantime, I can tell you what works for me, to get you started. I usually sleep through the night. I drink a full dose of soluble fiber (Metmucil and Konsyl mixed, 1/2 dose each, is my preference) at dinner time. I take 1 Lomotil tab at bedtime, and usually none during the day. If things are in any way concerning I bump that up to two Lomotil at bedtime.
Some folks also avoid eating after dinner. Others get benefit from a small, fatty meal at bedtime, like a spoonful of peanut butter.
Just in case: have you ruled out (or tried treating) pouchitis? Nighttime leakage or urgency can sometimes be a sign of that. It's usually pretty easy to treat.
Good luck!