A massive dilemma

Your wedding is not until February, how long is it going to take before you get a surgery date? Perhaps you can get the surgery done quickly and be well on your way to recovery by the time you walk down the aisle? If you wait to get married before your surgery do you know for sure that you will be able to enjoy the day and feel vital as you enter your new phase of life or will the whole thing be dictated by your bowel and pouch misbehaving? Does your fiancé know of your dilemma? It sounds to me like you need to have some serious communication between the two of you so that you know exactly how this is going to effect your relationship.
I wish you all the best and hope for a positive outcome on all fronts.

What a bummer! All I can think of is that your fiance is well aware of your failing health and is prepared for you to announce the inevitable. Postpone the wedding to when you anticipate being able to enjoy it, and you will both be happier, I think.

What's 6-12 months waiting compared to a lifetime of wedded bliss? Either that, or cancel the fancy wedding and elope now!

Jan

I would postpone the wedding, otherwise it will be a source of stress and pressure you really do not need at this time.

I don't disagree with the possibilities others are raising, but it isn't clear how quickly you'd be able to get surgery. A 3-9 month recovery certainly doesn't mean 3-9 months in hospital. It does mean that if you had the surgery soon you probably wouldn't be in top form by February. It's possible, though, that your personal circumstances make that preferable to changing the date.

quote:

Bur how do you tell your wife to be that I won't be making the £20'000 (32 USD) wedding ceremony because I am in hospital.

I can't answer anything else on this, but I will say that any potential spouse/partner who would be more upset over a cancelled party than the possibility that you would suffer is maybe a poor choice.

The ceremony & reception are nice, but marriage is about the promises made--and hopefully kept--between partners.

Why do you think that you will not be in good condition for the wedding??? Or are you more worried about the wedding night?
If I were you (and I have been there or pretty close to it) I would see when the next possible surgery date is, when was the soonest that I could take my poor pouch out and start packing my bags...did you mention cancer? Did you mention the dangers of cancer to her? Why in the world would you wait and live with the horrors of the unknown, the pain and discomfort when you could be relatively free of all of that?
I know that the national health service is not known for its speed but this is an emergency according to your doctor???
You may be able to get it done and be out and about before you know it. If not, change the date and plan for a spring wedding...May is a lovely month to get married in!
Health first..
Sharon

Please don't get me wrong. My wife to be is extremely supportive of me having the surgery and postponing the wedding.

It is me that is unsure as I know it would devastate her but she would rather me get better than have a party.

Also, the NHS really is that bad. I emailed my gastro to explain that I was in a bad way and I needed surgery and I insist I speak with my surgeon ASAP. That was 1 month ago and last week I received a letter to say an urgent appointment has been made to see my surgeon. At the end of November!!!

There is another reason why I am keen to wait until after the wedding and that is that the surgeon they want to do the surgery is the best in town (Professor Gordon Carlson) and he would not be available until that time. Anything sooner would be with a registrar. Given the complexity of the planned surgery and the risk of damaging nerves they are extremely keen for him to do it.

I am childless and 33 years old so they have one eye on kids.