Hi Laur

Your an asset to the company; your boss will see it that way; it's just tough, it's not something you want to do; it's something you have to do; otherwise you might get further health issues. You could write a letter to her/him so that you don't forget everything that you want to tell her/him - just do a brief summary, what it is, symptoms, medications, operations etc; then just back that up with any questions she/he has. You could also write to Human Resources. They should support you; that's part of being an employer.    

If you want a hand drafting a letter, just shout.

As a now retired manager for a large public utility, I would feel insulted if one of my employees with a medical issue only gave me a letter explaining their condition.  I always prefer an in-person meeting behind closed doors.  What you tell her is private information that a responsible boss should not disclose to others in your department.  However, writing a letter or outline beforehand would help you to organize your thoughts on what you need to tell your boss.

BillV posted:

As a now retired manager for a large public utility, I would feel insulted if one of my employees with a medical issue only gave me a letter explaining their condition.  I always prefer an in-person meeting behind closed doors.  What you tell her is private information that a responsible boss should not disclose to others in your department.  However, writing a letter or outline beforehand would help you to organize your thoughts on what you need to tell your boss.

I was a manager and have worked for several of the largest companies in my country. I would appreciate as much detail as possible in the most concise way, so I could best explain to HR and Occupational Health the on going support needs of the employee. Plus the original poster posted - 'I am slightly socially awkward and don't know how or when to broach this conversation with my boss'. It's all in how the letter is written. Oh no insult intended.

You don't need to tell her anything until it happens, then just tell her you've had some bad news and need quite an important operation, say you can provide written details existing that you will be out of action for a while... You don't need to tell her any more than that of you don't want...

That said, it would be handy to keep her on side for any discretionary decisions she may have to make, so including her in some of the detail including you thoughts and worries would probably be beneficial in getting her inside... She didn't need to know about the history though it the gory detail... It could also be a preventative op.

Hour that helps

I am with Bill V on being insulted by a letter under these circumstances.  A letter in a situation like this is a tacit admission that the person can’t speak face to face on the issue with you. I would be insulted by it and find it also to reflect poorly on the employee’s abilities in interpersonal communication skills. In my mind it’s a huge negative.

When I had surgery I was honest with my employer, discussed it face to face and man to man behind closed doors, and I was granted leave from my employment. I was actually out of work for around 6 months but this was quite some time ago when laparoscopic wasn’t an option, plus I had complications and steroid withdrawal symptoms.

In my case, I was diagnosed and went into a flare that didn't let up and was out of work for several months before my first surgery.  I was honest with my employer.  In my case, I work per diem and had to move my cases to other people on my team to handle.  Every time I thought I was going to be able to go back to work, something else came up.  My boss was also good about letting me do office work on a reduced schedule until I was able to come back in my prior capacity.  I also had a 3 step procedure so there were breaks in between for recovery.  I believe my employer appreciated me being upfront about my situation.  It helps them plan for when you are out.

Laur, are there employment privacy laws that would prevent your boss or the human resources department from disclosing ANY of your medical issues or medical history to anyone in the company?  Could you find out by researching your company website or government website related to sick leave and disclosure?  It might make you feel safer and comfortable when the time comes to talk.  When I told my boss I would need sick leave for several months for major surgery I did not specify what kind of surgery, or what it involved. Too gory. My medical history isn't their business and they did not ask for details. I filled in forms for leave, with a letter from my doctor who wrote "surgery" with no other details.

Remember that some people can't resist talking about someone else's medical problems. If you do not want anyone in your workplace to know the details of your UC,  or explain what a j pouch is, simply don't tell anyone else.  No one can force you to disclose your personal medical details, even if they choose to share theirs. No quid pro quo. I've found that most people have no clue what a j pouch is, and the explanation and details are just too complicated. I've known people in the medical and health care field who do not understand what a j pouch is!  If you do not want co-workers talking about you, or trying to figure out what a j pouch is, maybe you could simply tell them it's abdominal surgery to give you back your health?  Ask for their support and say you hope they understand your need for privacy. Don't feel you have to trade personal information to get sick leave.

Try not to worry about how to tell your boss or human resources. Do not worry about how your absence will affect their workload. It is their job to figure out how to spread the work while you're away. They are paid to do that. Your health is the most important thing to preserve and protect.  If they needed surgery, you would shoulder the load for awhile, wouldn't you?  Anyone can find themselves in your shoes. Write down key talking points and stick to them. Decide how much to tell coworkers, and stick to it. Now might be a good time to quietly research if your (company's?) insurance plan covers medication and the ostomy supplies when you have the temporary stoma, so you can plan and budget. When you're in some measure of control, you won't feel socially awkward. You will be okay.

CTBarrister posted:

I am with Bill V on being insulted by a letter under these circumstances.  A letter in a situation like this is a tacit admission that the person can’t speak face to face on the issue with you. I would be insulted by it and find it also to reflect poorly on the employee’s abilities in interpersonal communication skills. In my mind it’s a huge negative.

When I had surgery I was honest with my employer, discussed it face to face and man to man behind closed doors, and I was granted leave from my employment. I was actually out of work for around 6 months but this was quite some time ago when laparoscopic wasn’t an option, plus I had complications and steroid withdrawal symptoms.

 

Just to be clear; nowhere have I said send a letter. You write a letter with what you want say (I'd put a lot of detail in. At some point Occupational Health will make contact and ask for details.) You take the letter to a meeting, hand it to her/him then as said in my original post ask if they have any questions. In written form it's in the company records. The company can't say we weren't told. When you have further appointments the company will be aware and understanding. 

It's not an interview; I wouldn't be insulted. 

The OP has worked there for sometime; the following is just nonsense -

'I would be insulted by it and find it also to reflect poorly on the employee’s abilities in interpersonal communication skills. In my mind it’s a huge negative.'

It’s not nonsense at all- frankly your approach is nonsense. You have your opinion, I have mine. I work at a small firm at which communication skills are essential to our business. Letter writing of this kind would be poorly received and would immediately red-flag the sender. If anyone in my firm got a letter from an employee along those lines it would be interpreted as a sign of distrust. I would only advocate this course of action if the employee has no intention of going back to the job. I am with Bill V as I stated earlier and for all the reasons he posted previously.

CTBarrister posted:

It’s not nonsense at all- frankly your approach is nonsense. You have your opinion, I have mine. I work at a small firm at which communication skills are essential to our business. Letter writing of this kind would be poorly received and would immediately red-flag the sender. If anyone in my firm got a letter from an employee along those lines it would be interpreted as a sign of distrust. I would only advocate this course of action if the employee has no intention of going back to the job. I am with Bill V as I stated earlier and for all the reasons he posted previously.

 

The OP has stated the following 'I am slightly socially awkward and don't know how or when to broach this conversation with my boss.' This doesn't need over analyzing, especially what her boss feels or thinks. The OP wants to impart information to her boss. The most practical way is to write it in a letter; especially stuff that is difficult to explain or cause embarrassment. Hand the letter over, let the boss read it and answer any questions.  

Hi, Laur. I forgot to answer your last question at the end of your post. I did not tell my boss or anyone I needed time away until I had a confirmed surgery date booked by my surgeon, and I was assured the OR was booked for a certain number of hours. That was confirmation enough for me, and I was able to tell my boss. I wouldn't tell your boss first, and then start waiting for a surgery date from your doctor. It might be months away. You want events to proceed smoothly, with certainty.  Also, your surgeon can give you an idea how much time you need to ask for. You haven't yet talked to a surgeon, right?  For now, I would not tell anyone at work. That sort of thing gets around and they might start planning to work around you. When the time comes, you will be fine.

I am self-employed and have a lot of employers so I had a lot of people to tell...and not just at work...a new husband and his whole new family...a mess. 

But I did it simply. I said that I was sick, that something happened and that I would require extensive surgery...turned out many more than I ever expected. So do not sweat it...just tell them that you are sick. That you will require surgery and that you will tell them when and for how long you will be out when you know more. 

For now, that is all the information that you have and that you trust that it will be kept in confidence. 

If it is beyond your capacity to say it to them, face to face, if it hurts too much or if you are very uncomfortable speaking about such things, then yes, send them a short note, explaining that you are timid and uncomfortable discussing it in person and that when you feel ready, you will come to give them more details...

Only you know what feels right for you.

Sharon

I did not have a choice, as mine was emergency surgery.  I was not with that company long enough to be protected under the FMLA laws and they "medically separated" me from employment.  I had not been working in the state of CA for 1 year prior and I was not entitled to state disability.  My only life preserver was that I had purchased LTD under my employer and received payments for 2 years.

I just scheduled my final colonoscopy before we deem me refractory for every medicine approved for UC. So, I stopped by my boss's office and told her that I would need that day off for that. Then, I mentioned that if the results are not good, then I would be needing surgery. She took it very well and did not ask any further questions, just told me to focus on my health and don't worry about any time off and she hopes I'm ok. So, success!

Laur posted:

I just scheduled my final colonoscopy before we deem me refractory for every medicine approved for UC. So, I stopped by my boss's office and told her that I would need that day off for that. Then, I mentioned that if the results are not good, then I would be needing surgery. She took it very well and did not ask any further questions, just told me to focus on my health and don't worry about any time off and she hopes I'm ok. So, success!

That's cool. Keep a diary, write down conversations you have with your 'boss', the time / date. That way the company can't say they didn't know.

Laur posted:

I just scheduled my final colonoscopy before we deem me refractory for every medicine approved for UC. So, I stopped by my boss's office and told her that I would need that day off for that. Then, I mentioned that if the results are not good, then I would be needing surgery. She took it very well and did not ask any further questions, just told me to focus on my health and don't worry about any time off and she hopes I'm ok. So, success!

I love how you handled it. And I wish you good luck with your scope.

I just had my step 1 surgery done a little over a month ago. I had to tell my boss too and it wasn't easy. He already knew I had colitis though so it wasn't as difficult. He's very understanding. When I told him I wanted to come back to work after my surgery he told me to stay home but I came to work anyway because I was feeling good and didn't want to sit at home.

Good job Laur. Good luck with the “final scope”-

Laur, I agree with Rebel. Keep notes with dates and times, who, what, where, etc. If you ever need it for any reason, you will have the notes. Good luck with everything.