Hi Mary,

Well to start with, congratulations for still caring enough to worry about it and want to improve things.

Not everyone does or can.

When you say incontinence was it due to a pouch problem or a sphincter problem or both? 

I get the metal difficulty with incontence, that is why I had my pouch done...no sphincter...sort of kills the mood.

I have found that the most useful thing that I have ever done for my sex life is keep my pelvic floor very, very strong. Since menopause it has been harder to do but I still try.

The 3 things that I do almost daily is bridges...all sorts of them. The classic laying on the floor with knees bent and raising my butt off of the floor and holding, then tightening everything individually 'down there' for 3-10secs and releasing...then short lifts and drops of the butt in a row.

I lay across the pilates ball (the 60cm one) and roll from side to side then front to back...then lay on the floor with my legs draped over the ball and do butt lifts...

The third one is grasping the ball between my knees and trying to squish it...that works the aductor muscles that hold things tight between your knees...

Short quarter squats help too.

It all gives you a measure of control over your neither region and allows you better control over everything going on  down there...Deep breathing helps too. If you are a counter (I count everything in my head) then you count your breaths in and out...8 seconds each way, and tighten and loosen those muscles during sex...slowly you will start to feel stuff that you haven't felt in a while...as you breath you empty your mind and allow your body to take over feeling.

Do the exercises for about a 15days and you will start to feel the difference.

Sharon