My step one of a two step j pouch procedure was five years ago this month. Immediately after that first step I was totally depressed. It wasn't about the pain....I have a very high pain tolerance.  I think I was just mentally drained from it all. Five years of being in a constant uc flare, all the nasty drugs, then the trauma of the actual surgery and then waking up and seeing the ostomy bag for the first time. I thought I'd never feel normal again. But as the months went by and my body healed, I felt a lot better.  I recovered very quickly from my  takedown surgery. That was a huge help because that's when I started feeling more like my old self again.  It was a tough journey but one that I'm glad I took! Life is great UC free!  

For me it wasn't pain, but the extremely debilitating effects of the post surgical complications.  It was a struggle for me. I wouldn't really say I was traumatized. I think debilitated is a better way to describe it, but it was mental and physical debilitation.

I was 19. Had UC from 11-19. Yeah, I'd been in the hospital for 3 weeks prior to surgery on TPN, and yeah, my colon came out friable and pan-colitic, but I never had pain, and never felt "horrible" prior to surgery, despite multiple multiple bloody BMs a day, etc.  Think this helped me, plus I was 19 with only a part time job and university... Didn't have the pressures of being an "adult" yet.  Also, didnt have the internet to run to to ask every little question, or see all the horror stories out there (I think this site and others like it can be a double-edged sword, honestly... helpful AND not so much at times. Not EVERY ache or pain or illness after pouch surgery means your pouch is the root cause of it or that it's going to implode!)

 

Had surgery, the worst of which was an ileus 3 days post-op, necessitating the NG being put back in.  But honestly, once the ileus ended, I was ready to GO.  I had an open surgery, but quit all pain meds after the ileus, so yes, I was sore, but things tidied up pretty fast for me. With the loop, I gained back my weight, and got healthy pretty fast.  Four months later, had my takedown, and four months after that I was commuting full time to nursing school and working 24+ hours a week. 

 

But youth (and a touch of stubbornness; I hated when people felt "sorry" for me because I was "sick," because I never saw myself as a sick person), I'm sure was definitely on my side.  (I also had a new boyfriend (my hubby!) who started dating me right before surgery, and stuck through it all with me, and I was in love, too. That helped as well.

 

 

My post surgical pain was well controlled and I had trouble staying awake!  Figured I just needed to sleep.  Best wishes!

I had two emergency surgeries right after a laproscopic removal of my colon.
I made it through the first one ok.  But the second one is wanted to die. I almost did.   I was in so much pain and just wanted it to end.
But now a year and a half later I am pretty well normal mentally.  Back to where I was.  Physically... I have a long ways to go.  I lost a lot of weight I couldn't afford to lose and I have not gained it all back.
All in all it was the most painful miserable experience in my life.
But.... It turned out ok.  I guess I am stronger than what I thought I was.

Banks,

I had been sick since birth with multiple birth defects (congenital deformities) or the colon, rectum and most of my organs...I had my 1st surgery at 2 with added complications that ended in a colostomy.

I lived a physical and emotional roller coaster on all levels with repeat surgeries every couple of years until at 18 they did my k pouch in a 3 step...I was so happy after that...until it fell apart again.

I have what I call situational depression. When I am sick, have pain, occlusions, blockages, chronic sacroilitis and other problems they can get to me and throw me off of my game...But as soon as I feel better (or can get out of my head and body a bit) I feel the depression lift...

I am an optimist by nature and a realist if not a fatalist.

Who would not be blue, depressed or down in the dumps with sever pain, cramping, incontinence, butt burn, exploding pouches, pouchitis, dehydration etc. Anesthetic is known for throwing you and your morale for a loop and living off of a bland diet and sleepless nights.

To be perfectly honest, I believe that any and all of us a heros. Hands down heros.

We live with it, through it and survive in spite of it and some of us even manage a giggle or  a smile...a miracle.

It is a rough ride but it is worth it.

Sharon

I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the bag, big time.  I loathe it so that is causing me stress.  I'm embarrassed about it for some reason. I've never been a prideful person, so its not pride.  I was close to death prior to the surgery and because I was so sick I'm having a rough time coming back from all of this.  I'm so hoping that the j-pouch will work, I'm really thinking positive in that.  I want it badly so I can get rid of the disgusting bag.  But, yes, I for one am having lots of emotional and mental issues over all of it, especially the pouch!  My colon was removed on 3/17/15 and I see the surgeon again on 6/25/15 and I'm hoping he's going to schedule the next surgery in July.  I also have a mucous fistula a

Sorry, I got booted off the net before I could finish!
Anyway, I have a mucous fistula right at the pubic bone as I had a rectal stub blowout about a week or so after surgery and back to the OR I went.  The wound is open and oozes blood and bowel and I have to doctor it up daily, actually more like 3 times a day.  This too is adding to the mental aspects of it all!  It's designed to remain open until I have the 2nd surgery so I am wanting that done soon so I don't have to deal with the wound. 
All of this is weighing heavy on me!  So yes, I think that this surgery does cause one to go through some emotional and mental turmoil.

It's so rough dealing with a colectomy mentally, that's why most of us just decided to go for j-pouches instead.  If I was the equivalent of Mr. Spock aka a Vulcan, I wouldn't have even wasted my time with a pouch and chose a colectomy.  Since right from the bat it's obvious that replacing your large intestine with your small intestine can bring you more grief than replacing your Chevy Suburban with a Smart Car. 

You are on the right track thinking positive!
That is a huge part of all of this no matter how hard it is for you.
This is a very very serious surgery and you don't know it until you go through it.
Positive thinking is  powerful. 
I know what you are going through.  I just went through it myself.
It's very difficult.  I am still working on it.  And thinking positive.
Although the surgery was a year and a half ago most around me.... My family.... Think I am done.  But I know I am not.  But I keep plugging along and thinking positive.  My wife knows I am not done yet.  But my kids... Well I love em and don't complain.
Think positive man.... It will come... Very slowly but it will come.
I know... I'm there with you!

Although it may feel like this will define you for the rest of your life, it likely won't. I would say that in a month I think about not having my colon less than ten times. Only when smelling popcorn or explaining to a colleague why I don't want any of their homemade macaroons. I've been colon free for 22 years. At this point I'm more concerned with wrinkles and sagging boobs. The pain will go away. Life will assume a new norm. This too shall pass. I 100% guarantee it.

I also have a mucus fistula that oozes blood, its no big deal they give you suppositories for it. The main problem, however is that the dissolved remains of the suppository comes out of through the opening and it removes the adhesive from the bag and you get a leakage. And it's not like it got rid of the colitis in the remaining part of my colon anyway, so I just leave it as it is and let it ooze mucus, the surgeon didn't seem terribly worried about the remaining colitis anyway.