I had a complete colectomy with ilio anal anastomosis taking out my entire colon and rectum attaching my J pouch to 1/4 inch of my anus in 2001. I've been through so much in the last 14 years that there aren't even enough words to explain what all has happened. The main thing now is finding dr to understand and care because my doctor died of cancer. I have major pain in the anus area with that "shards of glass" feeling...or how I explain it..a "feeling of a hot iron stuck in there" whenever I have a bowel movement. I've been put on many creams, mostly steroid types. They just don't work anymore and one of the new drs said on the steroid cream that many years has send the membranes very thin now.I've lost about 25 pounds in the last year because I'm afraid to eat anything even yogurt because everything that goes through hurts so bad. I know I get fissurs and I use a nitroglycerin ointment which helps a little. Flagyl helps the best. But they say I can't be on that for long terms. Has anybody been on that long term? I'm also iron deficiency anemia and b12 depleted because of all this now too so I get iron infusions every 2 to 3 months. My hemoglobin stays around nine to 11 so I have chronic fatigue also. My main pain is my peri-anal Crohns and cuffitis more so than Pouchitis. I was hospitalized 3 times last year. No doctors at this hospital since my original one has died, seem to know what to do with me. My husband just left me "because I'm no fun anymore" but when you have to jump in the bathtub after almost every bowel movement...he's right..I'm no fun. Any tips from anyone on anything? I live in the Waterford/flint area of Michigan if anyone can refer a good understanding doctor. Losing my mind....thank you.
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You've got a lot going on, Chrissy. I can offer ideas on some of these things.
Most folks rotate antibiotics if they have to be on them long term. That only works, though, if you have a few choices that seem to work. I've been on Cipro and Flagyl for close to a year now, and they are still working quite well for me. I'm puzzled by the claim that you "can't" be on Flagyl long-term. Were you given a reason? Have you tried other antibiotics?
Sometimes nifedipine is used instead of nitroglycerine cream. Perhaps that would be worth a try.
Have you tried a bidet? It might help with those awful fissures, if used gently.
Perhaps your internist (if you have one) could recommend a gastroenterologist who has a lot of experience with IBD. Perhaps someone affiliated with Henry Ford Health System...
I will add to the good advice above. About antibiotics, my GI who is at the Mayo Clinic said that we are given lower doses of antibiotics than used for other infectious problems. He's never had a j-pouch patient or heard of any having problems with other medical antibiotic needs because of taking them constantly. I do alternate between 2 of them so that they will continue to work for that problem. I also use VSL#3DS but there are other less expensive probiotics.
I used canasa suppositories daily when I have a flare but have found that using them 2-3 times a week is usually enough to keep cuffitis away. I too use anucort especially when it feels badly inflamed. In those cases he's suggested I use them both, canasa at night and anucort in the morning.
I am sorry about your husband. I've had my j-pouch for 4 years and my husband's been considering leaving me, after 39 years of marriage.
If you don't have one I'd suggest you get a bidet. It has helped me cut down the number of bathroom trips in half. When you get water up inside your pouch a little it stimulates the movement needed to empty it fully, for me anyway. Plus it is better for our cuffitis to not have all that waste sitting right there. I have pouchitis too so it's better all around.
Please find an IBD specialist instead of a normal GI. As my regular GI said before he referred me to my Mayo GI, I needed a specialist. He said he treats the entire digestive tract so is a generalist as far as j-pouches go. When the prescriptions to rid my cuffitis weren't getting the job done he didn't know direction to go.
Please keep us posted and good luck 
Originally Posted by Scott F:
You've got a lot going on, Chrissy. I can offer ideas on some of these things.
Most folks rotate antibiotics if they have to be on them long term. That only works, though, if you have a few choices that seem to work. I've been on Cipro and Flagyl for close to a year now, and they are still working quite well for me. I'm puzzled by the claim that you "can't" be on Flagyl long-term. Were you given a reason? Have you tried other antibiotics?
Sometimes nifedipine is used instead of nitroglycerine cream. Perhaps that would be worth a try.
Have you tried a bidet? It might help with those awful fissures, if used gently.
Perhaps your internist (if you have one) could recommend a gastroenterologist who has a lot of experience with IBD. Perhaps someone affiliated with Henry Ford Health System...
Thanks Scott. I actually started crying when I got so many helpful replies. This site is awesome. I have a regular GI that looks at me like I am an alien. I haven't found a colon rectal since the one that took care of me passed away. I was hospitalized at St. Joes in Pontiac 3 times last year with severe anal pain and bleeding, and once for severe pouchitis, and not one doctor on staff knew what to do with me. IV Flagyl for 3 or 4 days then sent me home.
This GI doctor stated that I would become "immune" to Flagyl if I stayed on it for a long period of time and then when the time comes that I go into the hospital with severe pouchitis again, that he's afraid the Flagyl won't work "and then what then????" was his comment.
My other colon rectal dr had me on cipro on and off and flagyl on and off. It's hard to convince a new dr what you were taking without them knowing you....like I said he looks at me like I am an alien-lol. He also told me not to bother with probiotics, because with no colon it won't help so I'm confused about the probiotics. THanks for the name of that other cream. I've heard of it and will ask about it since the nitro gives me severe headaches.
I appreciate everyone so much! Love and respect to everyone!
Originally Posted by jeane:
Hi Chrissy,
First, I am very sorry about your issues and the breakdown of your marriage. It is tough being sick when your spouse is well. It is very hard for healthy spouses to understand our pain.
If you do a find on my name you will see I have been suffering with the same issues as you. Mine are mostly from a narrowed anastomosis, but I have been very skeptical that I too may have peri-anal crohns. All of my issues are in the anal canal and at the connection (cuff). I often deal with the glass shard feeling you mention and I just got out of the tub myself. These things below help me, but I am not sure I will ever be completely healed from the fissures as they can be very chronic and sometimes require surgery and the cuffitis further constricts the anastomosis.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Avoid steroid creams......my surgeon never recommended them due to the fear of thinning of the tissues which it sounds like you are experiencing now. The fissures can burn and itch like mad, so use non scented wipes and a biget is a great suggestion.
2. Drink LOTS of water. I drink 6-7 16 ounce water bottles daily. This keeps things flowing for me, which prevents the straining from the stricture I have and keeps the fissures from recurring (at least for awhile).
3. Try and minimize any straining if you can when emptying pouch.
4. CIPRO......when things get bad for me, I will go on cipro for a few days or take it every other day for a week. This usually gives me relief that lasts for another couple of weeks or more before the pain and irritation get bad again.
5. Nitrogycerin or nifedipine. I do find nitroglycerine helps more, but I hate the side effects.
6. Exercise. If you are staining, the water and exercise will help keep things moving through the pouch.
7. Canasa or anucort suppositories. I prefer canasa for cuffitis. I alternate these two, but use canasa more often and again, only when I am finding I am dealing with symptoms. I can go weeks without these meds and then use them sparingly when needed to help keep the cuff open and lessen inflammation.
8. Avoid sugar, chocolate, nuts, real fiber like foods as these all tend to irritate the anal canal.
I sure hope this helps. This has been a lot of trial and error for me. If you can take chewable vitamins, that may help with the fatigue. I too had iron transfusions for a bit.
Hi Jeanne,
Again, I am brought to tears by the many responses I received. I feel like FINALLY someone understands. You mentioned the same cream as a few others, the Nifedipine. I am going to request that. It's funny you mention about the steroid creams, my daughter is an RN and she has been telling me that for a couple years, that steroids thing the membranes....but when I mentioned it to my GI he actually fluffed it off and once again prescribed me Corticosteroid Analpram cream which I have been using for probably 10 years. Even my vagina walls have thinned to the point if I wipe to hard they tear...and my gynocologist said it is because the steroid cream works it way up there when I walk or move and has thinned my vaginal walls! It's a night mare!!!
I've definitely noticed sugar, chocolate and nuts, even caffeine in coffee does me in. BUt I also cannot eat any fresh fruits or vegetables and I love salad, but I go to the bathroom about 15 minutes after eating any fresh fruits or vegetables and it doesn't even look like they digest....so I stick mainly to meat and a potato.
I had Canasa suppositories, but I see this last prescription he gave me was Hydrocorticoid steroid suppositories! I want to give them back to him and ask him to pay me!! I get so frustrated.
Thank you for your help. Love and respect! Chrissy
Originally Posted by TE Marie:
I will add to the good advice above. About antibiotics, my GI who is at the Mayo Clinic said that we are given lower doses of antibiotics than used for other infectious problems. He's never had a j-pouch patient or heard of any having problems with other medical antibiotic needs because of taking them constantly. I do alternate between 2 of them so that they will continue to work for that problem. I also use VSL#3DS but there are other less expensive probiotics.
I used canasa suppositories daily when I have a flare but have found that using them 2-3 times a week is usually enough to keep cuffitis away. I too use anucort especially when it feels badly inflamed. In those cases he's suggested I use them both, canasa at night and anucort in the morning.
I am sorry about your husband. I've had my j-pouch for 4 years and my husband's been considering leaving me, after 39 years of marriage.
If you don't have one I'd suggest you get a bidet. It has helped me cut down the number of bathroom trips in half. When you get water up inside your pouch a little it stimulates the movement needed to empty it fully, for me anyway. Plus it is better for our cuffitis to not have all that waste sitting right there. I have pouchitis too so it's better all around.
Please find an IBD specialist instead of a normal GI. As my regular GI said before he referred me to my Mayo GI, I needed a specialist. He said he treats the entire digestive tract so is a generalist as far as j-pouches go. When the prescriptions to rid my cuffitis weren't getting the job done he didn't know direction to go.
Please keep us posted and good luck
Dear TE Marie,
Thank you so much, again, for your valuable information. Since this is my first experience with this site I have to tell each one of you that answered that you all brought me to tears with your concern! I feel so much better knowing someone cares, even if we don't know who we are .
I definitely need a new doctor, I know that for sure in my heart and in my head, (and in my bottom - lol)..... But finding one is very difficult. I have been trying for a couple years now. It is actually getting ridiculous how many different GI's and Colon Rectal drs I have been to in the last couple years, who absolutely do not know what to do with me. I feel like I am just left to die with all these troubles. Almost every drs advice is to "put a bag back on" and I certainly do not want that!
I hope your marriage survives. Mine was 20 years and did not. He said I was no fun anymore. We actually missed a flight to Hawaii because I couldn't get out of the bathroom in the airport. Boy was he mad. Oh. well. Don't have to deal with that now, but I am sure alone now. I hate it that we "look" fine, even to my children who are all adults. It seems because you "look fine", there must not be anything wrong with you. I'm sorry I'm getting off course here.
I will definitely try all the suggestions you and everyone else have given me. I am printing these answers and taking them with me to my doctor. THey have referred me to the Mayo Clinic, Minnesota and Cleveland. I'm not sure which one to go to. I have had a phone consultation with Cleveland ($125) but have not actually went there.
I feel so lost, but after reading all these feel maybe there is hope for the pain....I'm still not sure what to eat. But as for the fatigue, I guess that will just have to be dealt with and everyone will have to accept me the way I am.
ONe question though, does your VSL probiotics work? My GI doctor actually told me they were a waste of money because the good flura (??) is in your large intestine and I don't have one so they are a waste of money. I'm a little confused.
Thanks for replying. Love and Respect. Chrissy
Hi Chrissy.
I am happy to help anyone avoid the endless days and nights I suffered with these issues. I also had a very patient and optimistic GI who was well seasoned with jpouches so that helped. He knew how badly I wanted to remsin continent, so he threw every trick he had up his sleeve at me. Sadly, he recently left the practice.
I would like to add that with all your ongoing issues , it is very important you get scoped on some type of schedule. My GI has me on an annual scope regimen to be safe in the event my chronic cuffitis or history of pouchitis turns into something more serious.
I understand the frustration with fruits and vegetables. I experience this also but keep eating them. Your GI can also prescribe lomotil which can slow down the transit time. My GI preferred immodium but it did nothing for me. The lomotil actually let's me get four hours or so of solid sleep before having to empty pouch. I'm very envious of any jpouchers who sleep through the night !!! I am
up usually two times through the night and that gets really old after four years w a pouch. At least I can now fall back asleep which took a long time to get to this point.
Good luck and stay strong. Let us know how you are doing.
I am happy to help anyone avoid the endless days and nights I suffered with these issues. I also had a very patient and optimistic GI who was well seasoned with jpouches so that helped. He knew how badly I wanted to remsin continent, so he threw every trick he had up his sleeve at me. Sadly, he recently left the practice.
I would like to add that with all your ongoing issues , it is very important you get scoped on some type of schedule. My GI has me on an annual scope regimen to be safe in the event my chronic cuffitis or history of pouchitis turns into something more serious.
I understand the frustration with fruits and vegetables. I experience this also but keep eating them. Your GI can also prescribe lomotil which can slow down the transit time. My GI preferred immodium but it did nothing for me. The lomotil actually let's me get four hours or so of solid sleep before having to empty pouch. I'm very envious of any jpouchers who sleep through the night !!! I am
up usually two times through the night and that gets really old after four years w a pouch. At least I can now fall back asleep which took a long time to get to this point.
Good luck and stay strong. Let us know how you are doing.
Originally Posted by jeane:
Hi Chrissy.
I am happy to help anyone avoid the endless days and nights I suffered with these issues. I also had a very patient and optimistic GI who was well seasoned with jpouches so that helped. He knew how badly I wanted to remsin continent, so he threw every trick he had up his sleeve at me. Sadly, he recently left the practice.
I would like to add that with all your ongoing issues , it is very important you get scoped on some type of schedule. My GI has me on an annual scope regimen to be safe in the event my chronic cuffitis or history of pouchitis turns into something more serious.
I understand the frustration with fruits and vegetables. I experience this also but keep eating them. Your GI can also prescribe lomotil which can slow down the transit time. My GI preferred immodium but it did nothing for me. The lomotil actually let's me get four hours or so of solid sleep before having to empty pouch. I'm very envious of any jpouchers who sleep through the night !!! I am
up usually two times through the night and that gets really old after four years w a pouch. At least I can now fall back asleep which took a long time to get to this point.
Good luck and stay strong. Let us know how you are doing.
I am happy to help anyone avoid the endless days and nights I suffered with these issues. I also had a very patient and optimistic GI who was well seasoned with jpouches so that helped. He knew how badly I wanted to remsin continent, so he threw every trick he had up his sleeve at me. Sadly, he recently left the practice.
I would like to add that with all your ongoing issues , it is very important you get scoped on some type of schedule. My GI has me on an annual scope regimen to be safe in the event my chronic cuffitis or history of pouchitis turns into something more serious.
I understand the frustration with fruits and vegetables. I experience this also but keep eating them. Your GI can also prescribe lomotil which can slow down the transit time. My GI preferred immodium but it did nothing for me. The lomotil actually let's me get four hours or so of solid sleep before having to empty pouch. I'm very envious of any jpouchers who sleep through the night !!! I am
up usually two times through the night and that gets really old after four years w a pouch. At least I can now fall back asleep which took a long time to get to this point.
Good luck and stay strong. Let us know how you are doing.
Hi Jeane,
Thanks for the advice. I'm scared, but I will try to eat a few fruits or vegetables and maybe take some Lomotil at the same time to see if this helps keep it in longer.
I will be ecstatic when and if the day comes that I am not up almost every hour all night long. I have such terrible gas all the time and I don't know what's going to come out with it so I always go to the toilet. It's never just air and I won't take the chance ever. I would love to sleep all night long, but have realized that I just sleep a couple hours all during the day and night to try and get some rest.
Hoping my quality of life improves so I can be happy again. I'm almost 59 and can't believe my marriage is over and I'm this unhappy. I thought these were our golden years....but alas 
THank you for your reply.
Hi Chrissy,
I’m sorry to learn about all of the problems you are experiencing. You may want to consider a visit to Cleveland Clinic with your medical records in-hand. Although I have never been a patient there, it is my understanding that they have top rate doctors who deal with problem pouches. As far as your husband is concerned, you are better off without him if he cannot be understanding and supportive of your medical problems. My first wife asked me to leave the house after my reconnection surgery and hired a rogue attorney who took away my two daughters in an ugly divorce action. Fortunately, I had a very supportive family and friends who helped me get back on my feet. Years later, I found that special woman who is also very supportive of my medical problems, when they occur. Hang in there and you will have better times.
Bill
Chrissy-
You will get through this. Your thought of going to the Cleveland Clinic makes good sense to me. I think you need some attention from a competent gastroenterologist. Perhaps you could make an appointment with Bo Shen. Your current doc is simply wrong about VSL, and there are good medical studies (that he hasn't bothered reading) showing that it can be helpful for J-pouchers. It doesn't help everyone, but it certainly helps some. I use four packets of the double strength (DS) VSL #3 daily. Good luck!
Hi Chrissy...I just joined a few moments ago as I was reading your story I felt compelled to speak with you also. I too know what pain you are going through. I had my surgery a long time ago. 1989 and I just started 7 years ago having issues. Up to then, I was great. Could not believe the quality of life I was given. So I can't complain I had 18 years of J Pouch Goodness! Please try if you can to go to Cleveland Clinic. Financially this may be diffucult but if you can see if you can get in with Dr. Bo Shen. It will be hard to get an appt. but keep trying. I too suffer from sever rectal pain. At times, I just cry! I am allergic to so many ointments that supposedly help others because of the zinc oxide so I am left to using an enormous amts. of vaseline just to try and coat the rectum. I have used all the products too that you use with no help. I just had botox injection with Dr. Ashburn at CCF but this time it didnt work. 3 years ago it did. You may want to try and ask for botox if you truly have fissures which it sure sounds like you do. I describe it the same way as chards of glass going through me. I can't afford a bidet but a did buy a sitz bath that fits over the toilet rim and that does bring a bit of comfort to me instead of filling up a bathtub. I am so sorry we have to endure this when after so many yrs. with endured u.c. But please know that somehow you will get through this. Prayers for you and keep posting.
It's true that fancy bidets with bells and whistles are quite expensive, but there are also "no frills" models that cost very little.
I recently ordered a cheap bidet from Amazon for $40 and was impressed how well it works. You don't need an electrical outlet so the water is tap cold - which is ice water during these winter months. I was having so many problems I was afraid to stay overnight away from home and my wonderful bidet so ordered this. It works better than the hand held sprayer I used for 3 years and costs around the same amount.
A good doctor knows when to refer their patient or to at least contact one that is more qualified to consult with. He is really putting the "practice" in his medical care of you.
Google VSL#3 and you will find a study that including Dr. Bo Shen as one of the doctors doing it. My Mayo GI doubled my dose of VSL#3DS to 2 sachets per day. My stools were better formed immediately. I have not taken any Loperamide, prescription Imodium, since.
I found a way to incorporate fruits and veggies into my diet by making fruit/veggie protein smoothies made with PlantFusion protein powder.
As for the V issue, I don't know if this pertains to you or not. I am postmenopausal and my Internist prescribed a cream that really works. Your issue might not be j-pouch related.
I'm a Mayo patient now. The local surgeon that did my surgeries trained at the Cleveland Clinic. There are also good GI specialists at state and other universities. Mayo in Rochester, MN is 3.5 hours away so that's why my GI referred me there.
I've recently been having problems and after 3 weeks on antibiotics things were getting worse. I wasn't eating anything that had a consistency greater than yogurt. I emailed my Mayo GI and requested an appointment for around a week later. Not only did I have an appointment but my GI had a pouchoscopy scheduled exactly one week from the day I emailed him. He also instructed the GI performing it to be prepared to do a balloon dilation. That is what the main problem was. The short side of the "J" needed dilating. He basically diagnosed my problem from a one paragraph email of mine.
I don't know if you need to see a specific doctor as much as you need to see an IBD specialist. I bet your problem(s) are not going to be as hard to treat as your current doctor thinks. Either Mayo's or CC would be great. I happen to live closer to Rochester.
That is another thing that bugs me about your doctor. You asked for canasa and he gave you anucort which is a steroid!!! You don't need to be controlled like that. Once you figure out what is helping you a specialist doesn't need to be contacted all the time. I've found that my doctors in several specialities don't usually want to be contacted by us every time I need a medication. That doesn't mean that we don't see them periodically, just that we don't need to be finely controlled. It's not like they are giving us an unended drug supply of xanex etc. I've yet to hear of a Canasa junkie.
I hope that you find ways to feel better soon.
Originally Posted by TE Marie:
I recently ordered a cheap bidet from Amazon for $40 and was impressed how well it works. You don't need an electrical outlet so the water is tap cold - which is ice water during these winter months. I was having so many problems I was afraid to stay overnight away from home and my wonderful bidet so ordered this. It works better than the hand held sprayer I used for 3 years and costs around the same amount.
A good doctor knows when to refer their patient or to at least contact one that is more qualified to consult with. He is really putting the "practice" in his medical care of you.
Google VSL#3 and you will find a study that including Dr. Bo Shen as one of the doctors doing it. My Mayo GI doubled my dose of VSL#3DS to 2 sachets per day. My stools were better formed immediately. I have not taken any Loperamide, prescription Imodium, since.
I found a way to incorporate fruits and veggies into my diet by making fruit/veggie protein smoothies made with PlantFusion protein powder.
As for the V issue, I don't know if this pertains to you or not. I am postmenopausal and my Internist prescribed a cream that really works. Your issue might not be j-pouch related.
I'm a Mayo patient now. The local surgeon that did my surgeries trained at the Cleveland Clinic. There are also good GI specialists at state and other universities. Mayo in Rochester, MN is 3.5 hours away so that's why my GI referred me there.
I've recently been having problems and after 3 weeks on antibiotics things were getting worse. I wasn't eating anything that had a consistency greater than yogurt. I emailed my Mayo GI and requested an appointment for around a week later. Not only did I have an appointment but my GI had a pouchoscopy scheduled exactly one week from the day I emailed him. He also instructed the GI performing it to be prepared to do a balloon dilation. That is what the main problem was. The short side of the "J" needed dilating. He basically diagnosed my problem from a one paragraph email of mine.
I don't know if you need to see a specific doctor as much as you need to see an IBD specialist. I bet your problem(s) are not going to be as hard to treat as your current doctor thinks. Either Mayo's or CC would be great. I happen to live closer to Rochester.
That is another thing that bugs me about your doctor. You asked for canasa and he gave you anucort which is a steroid!!! You don't need to be controlled like that. Once you figure out what is helping you a specialist doesn't need to be contacted all the time. I've found that my doctors in several specialities don't usually want to be contacted by us every time I need a medication. That doesn't mean that we don't see them periodically, just that we don't need to be finely controlled. It's not like they are giving us an unended drug supply of xanex etc. I've yet to hear of a Canasa junkie.
I hope that you find ways to feel better soon.
Hi TE Marie,
Yes, I am also postmenopausal. I would like to know what cream your Internist prescribed that really works, if you wouldn't mind sharing. All the steroid creams have not only made the anal area very thin but the vagainal walls very thin as well and they rip like tissue paper so sex to me is out of the question right now (no wonder my husband left me
But I sure would like to know what cream your internist prescribed that helped. I have been prescribed about 7 different creams for the anal area and everyone of them start out with Hydrocordisone steroid either 1% or 2.5%. I would love to get away from the steroids.
Will await your response eagerly. Thank you!
Try calmoseptine cream. I was dying w cuts that my new GI indicated were more related to excessive toilet paper use versus fissures. This has helped me immensely and it is soothing. You can get it at Walgreens pharmacy or order it online. It has menthol and zinc oxide in it. Best protectorant I have used so far and have tried several. The sitz baths do help also.
Calmoseptine is what I use externally. Internal Vag cream is to keep the walls from thinning and helps so that sex doesn't cause pain. My prescription is Estrace Cream (estradiol vaginal cream, USP, 0.001%). It comes with an applicator that sort of resembles a tampon. After the initial 2 weeks of using it daily I'm to use it twice a week. I forget to use it and after a while I'm scolding myself. Not because of the sex problem but because it improves the way I feel.
Please don't think less of yourself for not being to handle sex after the surgeries. I had the same problem. It's unfair to bail out on someone after they become ill or disabled. I've seen it many times and wonder what they thought the "in sickness and in health until death do us part" part of the marriage ceremony meant. All of my health problems have caused strains in my marriage too.
My husband recently had his prostate removed because he had cancer. Now that he's dealing with bladder control etc. he is more understanding of my problems. Not just sex wise but similar problems. Issues of knowing where the restrooms are, taking supplies with for just in case and wondering what and how much food and drink to have before leaving the house. He's control is getting better as time progresses. Just as mine did after take down surgery. I'm using the cream for myself and the dryness issue.
Take care 
I just had my surgery a month ago and am having some struggles of my own but I just wanted to respond because your story made me cry. You sound like a very brave and strong person and I can't believe how much you have survived. I hope you find love, comfort and support in your coming days. Your husband clearly didn't deserve you. Sending a big hug.
I need to say that I'm crying with everyone as well. Chrissy, you are a remarkable women. you have been through so much, in fact, everyone of the people on this have been through way more than any deserves. I am amazed at the strength and determination each one of you have. All of you are so brave and far stronger than you realize. Chrissy, things will get better. You have to believe that. Your husband has to be a complete selfish ....... I strongly believe in Karma. When you are feeling a little bit better, try yoga and meditation. While I'm not the patient, im the mom but I have found that it helps with the stress. And by dealing with some of the stress, it may help you heal. Stay strong, you deserve much more than you have been handed.
What a idiot your husband is. I am the 'well' one in our marriage. I wouldn't have thought of leaving my husband even at the worst times. 'Sickness and in Health.' I am sorry about what you are going through. Cyber hugs. Hang in there..