I have quiescent UC for the past 20 years. Flared all of four times -- all dealt with them well with oral taper steroids. Routine colo showed DALM. Chromoendoscopy showed nothing much exciting. The DALM was near my appendix opening. I am blown away. Trying to deal with this in my heart and mind. I have a colorectal surgery consult on Tuesday -- I just feel like this is going to be so life altering I can't really wrap my head around it.
I am a very active mother of three small children (1, 4, and 6), have a very demanding high stress job (physically and mentally) where 12-14 hr days are the norm. I just don't know how I will ever be able to work like that (I do love what I do), plus I fear pooping on myself doing things with the kids, or at work, or in bed. Like, how am I ever going to be able to back country hike again? How will my life ever be 'normal' again?
I am scared to death. I know the safest smartest thing to do with my family hx is to move forward with a proctocolectomy and j pouch -- I know that 'death isn't an option', but I know that my reaction to this surgery is going to be different. I have been sick enough with UC to have 20+ painful BMs daily. But I also know, that really except for those four instances -- I have been lucky enough to eat what I want (I love spicy food!), do pretty much whatever I want.
I know when I have been sick with those flares that I felt consumed by the disease and it was easy to feel hopeless. So I get how this is life giving to many people that have been that sick but for me...I am just at a loss, I know it is life preserving but I also know that my life is going to change in a way that I probably can't probably comprehend.
So part of me is venting. Part of me wants some hope and realistic expectations. And truly part of me is tired of trying to explain this to family and friends who are in some sort of denial of how a big this freaking surgery is. (rant over for now)