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MJ
I'm 25 years old and i'm about 2.5 years post lay-down and i think i've hit a brick wall. I've begun studying since 1.5 years and all the happy-go-lucky 20-year olds in the school really wears me down psychologically when i compare myself with everyone else. I'm often pretty tired and want to go home and take it easy and stuff like that. My self esteem has gone down the drain and i'm depressed. I have good days, or moments, but they're pretty scarce. Most of the time i feel like i'm biding my time, just waiting for it to get better in some miraculous way.

An eye-opener for me was the past 2 weeks, i met a girl at a student pub and we saw each other 3 times, she was hitting on me (i am too modest and have too low self esteem to hit on anyone if not severely drunk in rare occasions). Anyway, when i'm with her, and i really like her, i get so crippled by by anxiety, low self esteem and the pouch and all. Everything bad about my psyche comes up to the surface. When i'm about to meet her i get nauseas and can't get food down, i'm really a nerve wreck, and when she slept over (2 times) i couldn't sleep at all, and now i feel like i blew a big opportunity and really feel like crap. The last time we were going to go out and do something the day after the sleepover, but i felt so nauseated and sleep deprived that i had to stay in bed and she took the train (2 hours) home.

I really don't know what to do right now as i am going on 5.5 months of practice on board two merchant vessels in one week, and i won't have much time to see a doctor. The way i feel right now i am not sure i would be able to stand the time living with only myself on a ship for half a year with all these feelings of failure.

Should i contact a doctor and try to get on anti-depressants? Anxiety meds? I've been afraid of these things and have always wanted to beat things like this by my self but i'm starting to realize that's futile.
At this moment i have come to realize psychotherapy or the like would probably do me good but that won't be possible on the sea. Any books worth reading in the subject? Tips for coping with it all?

As always i am so glad this forum exists and i appreciate every effort you make.

/M

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GinLynGinLynMember
Manuel:

YES, you need to speak with a doctor. Do you have a family doctor or campus doctor or someone you know and trust? If not, can you get recommendations?

Depression and anxiety have a lot to do with our situations and attitude BUT they are very, VERY often physically based -- or physically affected -- and that has to be dealt with just like a virus or a sprained ankle. As a matter of fact, mild depression is often referred to as "the cold virus of the brain". But a mild cold virus can get worse and turn into bronchitis or worse... So can mild depression. It sounds like this is the case for you.

No one can tell you if shipping out right now is the best or worst course of action for you (or neutral), but IMHO I think some medical advice is called for.

Call the doc, and be honest. There's absolutely no shame in this; I promise he/she has seen it and most likely much worse before. Any good doctor will want to help and will hold your best interests to heart. Perhaps a counselor as well?

Hang in there; effective help is available.

Best,
Gin
GinLyn
J JaypeaMember
Please consult your doctor quickly. You need to get some assistance in order to help you feel better. There is no shame in saying that you are depressed and anxious. These feelings plague many of us.
I am on medication for depression and anxiety and have been for years. Without the medication I would not be able to live the life I am having right now.
I am worried that you are shipping out this quickly. You need to talk to your physician and tell him/her how you feel. Perhaps a note indicating that you are not well enough to go to sea could give you some time to get your feet back underneath you. Your life and ability to get through the day are far more important in the grand scheme of things. Medication generally takes about 6 weeks before you see any difference.
Please give yourself the gift of time. Treat yourself with the compassion and respect that you deserve.
J
skn69skn69Member
Manuel,
I would say that yes, you need to talk with someone who can help you to see how relative everything is, how you may be different than you classmates now, but as time goes by, you will realise that we all have our problems, some bigger than others, but not so big that they are worth destroying an opportunity to live a beautiful adventure with a lovely girl.
You are right, it is your anxiety and lack of self esteem that are hurting you and your ability to enjoy the moment.
Yes, a good doctor can help you...maybe you are right and a period on anti-depressants would help both you and your pouch but don't neglect things like drinking enough fluids, getting enough sleep and adequate nutrition to keep your energy and morale up. Sometimes you also need someone to talk to that can understand what you are going through and how hard it is for you right now...seeing a professional for that or getting involved in some sort of group therapy could be very helpful too.
I know that you will be going away for a long while and the most urgent thing right now is for you to be able to sleep and feel better.
As a girl, reading your post...I would say that you should not worry too much because you are kind, sensitive and intelligent and any girl would be lucky to have you as her boyfriend...you just need to realise that.
Sharon
skn69
P phonix2gMember
Hey Manuel you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of there are so many people out there being treated for anxiety and depression just from life itself and you have even more of a reason because of the major trauma your body endured. It is not only tough physically but the psychological toll it takes is nothing to ignore. I am 31 and never had anxiety or depression but after my surgery I was plagued with it and yes it is an illness that needs to be take seriously. I decided the combination of seeing a therapist and Xanax for anxiety and Lexapro for depression was a perfect combination. It helped me get my self esteem and confidence back and get all the negative thoughts out of my head. The Xanax will usually start working quickly but the Lexapro took me about 4 to 6 weeks for me to start noticing the effects from it. I was so much better after time went by with the combination of meds and therapy. It might not be a bad idea to delay your trip because that might make your anxiety increase not knowing what to expect. Like I said do not feel ashamed if you need meds to make you feel better than that's just the way it has to be. As long as you don't become abusive with it than you should have nothing to worry about. You might even need it just for a limited time then just taper right off and move on with life. Good luck with everything.
P
DaDDie2DaDDie2Member
Manuel, no worries good buddy. Talk with your doc ASAP and he'll be sure to set you on the straight an narrow. I'm 31, single and with a very strained family. Basically alone and between the chemo and all the ops this whole thing can go Ef itself. But the truth is someone(s) somewhere needs us. If it gets to be too much for you, then do it for your loved ones. I've been to some dark places but thanks to my beautiful kids I manage. The "downs" are at a new low and highs are few and far between...this to shall pass for tomorrow keeps coming. Hope you find this helpful and stay strong.
DaDDie2

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