I believe you are quite a bit younger than I am and I can understand why you feel cheated out of the life you envisioned for yourself. In a way, I am "glad" my health started to decline after I had raised my family. I could never imagine what my past would have been like if I had UC at a young age. I was going through a nasty divorce during the time I lost my colon, so I was depressed about so many things. Docs prescribed anti depressants for me, just to get me to stop crying. About 4 months post op my hair started falling out so I just threw out aell of my meds.

I found that the crappy house I bought just before I got sick was the motivation I needed to get stronger and more positive as I was able to do more and more of the renovations it needed by myself.

I still have a hard time envisioning my future as I have gone through so many changes in the past two years (divorce,home,health,job,etc.) but each day gets better. If you are able to come out of this journey "alive" that should be cause for celebration and you deserve to pat yourself on the back and give yourself a few "atta-boys", because they are well-deserved!

You've been through major surgeries and had a 5-6 foot organ removed from your body that involved moving most of your other internal organs to be moved around. It takes a long time for your body to recover from this and it is depressing to be so zapped of energy while recuperating. Plus there are studies of the mind gut connection. The colon makes chemicals related to brain chemistry and that without production of them it can help cause depression. I'm on antidepressants and see a therapist. I feel much better than I did. You might just be having a temporary problem but it wouldn't hurt to discuss it with your GP.

I'm 29 yrs old, not married and no kids... Its weird because one part of me is happy the surgeries went so well and I'm not currently having any severe issues with the pouch but as many on here can relate to...Bi have my days were I feel pretty good and I have my days were I'm completely drained of energy and it seems I have more of the bad days then good.... I can't concentrate, I don't feel well enough to work, exercise or even go out of my house! I know all this connects back to my depression, which like I said I am being treated for. I am currently taking 2 anti depressants and am talking with a counselor as well but I'm not seeing any improvement. My quality of life has just plummeted. I used to be very very active, always social... Hardly ever home! Was always at work or at the gym, dating or hanging out with friend. So this is very uncharacteristic of me. I hope I can defeat this because I don't want to go through the rest of my life with this mentality. I hate to say this but I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. This may sound weird but I don't regret the surgery because it was the best option for me.... I just wish, I would've never had to make that decision in the first place.

The first month of recovery was a real butt-kicker. There were some really bad days followed by some bad days.

It was very tough to be optimistic with what we have to go through. Major abdominal surgery is tough, and getting used to the bag is traumatic too.

Our bodies take a while to get used to what just happened to it. Our minds do too.

What got me through was a good sense to humor, thinking long term, my wife and my writing a journal.

I can understand why PTSD is a factor with a lot of us..

I wish I'd never had UC in the first place. I kept working at my hectic pace and raising my family - burning the candle at both ends - and ended up with fibromyalgia too. I want to advise anyone out there that is contemplating pushing themselves too hard not to do it like I did when I got UC. If you don't already have another health problem, like fibromyalgia, please take time to recuperate. Even if you do have another health problem you need to take time to recuperate. Don't worry that you are not rallying as fast as you want to from your surgeries.

I had a hysterectomy previously and somehow thought removing my colon would be just a bit worse. I was wrong. No comparison. Beyond my imagination. So please take it easy on yourself and take the time to rest and recuperate. The surgeries are a MAJOR assault on your body. It is depressing to recuperate. Things will get better. It might take a year and it might take longer. You might not be able to do everything you did before for a long time but eventually you should be able to do most if not all or more than you did before. You are alive. It is depressing as hell but we will get through it.

Hey Manny. I can definitely relate to how your feeling. I just turned 31 and look at all the people I work with that are around my age and I am jealous. They don't realize how lucky they are too have a normal working digestive system. I got my first surgery in February and it's only been a rough road for me from then on. I see a therapists and it helps alot. I was screwed up psychologically, mentally, emotionally after my surgeries and I knew I needed to find help that's why I set up therapy for myself. I was not right I had major major anxiety and depression and was taking high doses of Xanax and also an antidepressant. The mixture of therapy and the medicine got my head back on track. It's a grieving process and the hardest part of it is acceptance especially when you are as young as you are. Now almost 11 months out I still struggle everyday. I've been working part time since Oct and it is even tough to get through a 4 hour day. I still don't think I'm ready for work but I try and push myself to get back to the normal me but it is not easy in anyway. I talked to my surgeon the other day and he told me this type of surgery could take up to 2 years to start feeling normal again. That sucks waiting that long to feel "normal" again but I needed to have this done and I'm in it for the long hall. I try not to think back on what could have been and look forward to what can be. The mental struggle is alot harder than the physical one at this point but you have to stay strong and think of this as something that saved your life. Living with UC was no way to live. I never looked at this surgery as my miracle cure but a necessity to give me a future. This is just a stage I promise. You will start realizing you have more good days than you did months ago and that it's a sign of improvement. I would suggest going the route I went and see a therapist and maybe try an antidepressant like Lexapro that's what I took that worked well. If you need someone to talk to on a daily basis or frequently I will be more than happy to be that guy. Just PM me and we can exchange contact info. It's always nice to have a friend that can relate. Good luck Manny you are a strong person for making it this far and making the best decision for yourself.

Hi Manny,

I have a 20+ year old pouch and suffer with depression. For me, depression started a few years ago, after I developed additional health problems (chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia etc.).
I understand, and can relate when you say you don't feel like "the old me anymore". I have found it to be the best way to describe to others how I feel.
I have good days, and bad days. Medications help a little bit. Sometimes I find the best way to cope is to distract my mind.

Hopefully you can find the right combination of medications, activities, etc. that will work for you.

It is possible you, like me, are very sensitive to medications. You basically just had your insides rearranged.

I guess one way to think about it, a boxer just went 10 rounds on your insides.

Took me about 16-18 months to fully recover from all of my surgeries. However, I had almost all of them within a year, so I might be an exception.

Give yourself permission to feel sorry for yourself for 5-10 minutes, cry, throw things if it helps.

Just know you are not alone and what you are experiencing, others have gone through and we're here to support each other.

When you think about it, you have a pretty amazing body. The fact that an entire organ can be removed and your body just keeps on going. . .amazing, no?

Hang in there! As someone's signature on this site says, "This too shall pass"