Hello Friends,
It's been a long time since I lasted posted. I really hope you are all doing well, hanging in there!
Crohn's is a strange disease that has taken me through a virtual Kaleidescope of bizarre feelings and sensations. Bloating and pain, cramps, spasms, liquid stool all the time and joints that ache -and sleep issues, and to top it off my indefatigable Libido has finally succumbed to it all. I've always been what some call a serial Monogamist. My most recent break up was last year and I've had no interest in looking for another, and I still have no interest. Feels a bit like I've had my last fling.
Anyway, the trials of continually flaring Crohn's has kept me on a steady diet of Narcotics (as many of you already know), most recently Methadone due to cost, and that was awful, wow. If you want to live in a really odd dream state where you are semi conscious most of the time then Methadone is your ticket.
There has been a Benefit to Hassle ratio related to managing my pain with narcotics. The balance really tipped the wrong way today.
The future has caught up with my PCP's office, new protocols, Mental Kase gets his FIRST urine test! Huh? Since I'm still cash pay that's an OV charge +Lab charges + the actual script ($120) and he won't hand over the script until he confirms I'm not lit on Amphetamines and Cocaine too, lol... He's known me for years and I don't even know where to get that stuff...C'mon.
Hey, just the rules now. Add to that the fact that I've been knocking on his 200mg Morph/equiv comfort zone so often that he has finally lost his comfort and he just doesn't want the risk anymore. I can understand that, why would he want to mess with my case anymore since I've run through nearly every option. My tolerance is a bit high but there are many that take doses 2 or 3 times what I've been taking. The cost and hassle and now this... I think I will be done with Narcotics in the near future, just not working.
I've snapped out of my recent spiral and I'm feeling ALOT better so maybe this is a good time to get my mind in the right space for a tough transition. Yes, a bit scary but I'm thinking about that freedom from pills and how good that will feel. No more watching the clock and obsessing over my ridiculous pill tower, a plastic parking garage for pills with 5 levels, it's pathetic, I'm still youngish. Plenty of Crohn's sufferers out there that just grind it out, actually most do that, they're not all taking narcotics. They tough it out. I used to do that, I was a toughey, I did it. I can do it again, I just need an attitude adjustment!
MK~
It's been a long time since I lasted posted. I really hope you are all doing well, hanging in there!
Crohn's is a strange disease that has taken me through a virtual Kaleidescope of bizarre feelings and sensations. Bloating and pain, cramps, spasms, liquid stool all the time and joints that ache -and sleep issues, and to top it off my indefatigable Libido has finally succumbed to it all. I've always been what some call a serial Monogamist. My most recent break up was last year and I've had no interest in looking for another, and I still have no interest. Feels a bit like I've had my last fling.
Anyway, the trials of continually flaring Crohn's has kept me on a steady diet of Narcotics (as many of you already know), most recently Methadone due to cost, and that was awful, wow. If you want to live in a really odd dream state where you are semi conscious most of the time then Methadone is your ticket.
There has been a Benefit to Hassle ratio related to managing my pain with narcotics. The balance really tipped the wrong way today.
The future has caught up with my PCP's office, new protocols, Mental Kase gets his FIRST urine test! Huh? Since I'm still cash pay that's an OV charge +Lab charges + the actual script ($120) and he won't hand over the script until he confirms I'm not lit on Amphetamines and Cocaine too, lol... He's known me for years and I don't even know where to get that stuff...C'mon.
Hey, just the rules now. Add to that the fact that I've been knocking on his 200mg Morph/equiv comfort zone so often that he has finally lost his comfort and he just doesn't want the risk anymore. I can understand that, why would he want to mess with my case anymore since I've run through nearly every option. My tolerance is a bit high but there are many that take doses 2 or 3 times what I've been taking. The cost and hassle and now this... I think I will be done with Narcotics in the near future, just not working.
I've snapped out of my recent spiral and I'm feeling ALOT better so maybe this is a good time to get my mind in the right space for a tough transition. Yes, a bit scary but I'm thinking about that freedom from pills and how good that will feel. No more watching the clock and obsessing over my ridiculous pill tower, a plastic parking garage for pills with 5 levels, it's pathetic, I'm still youngish. Plenty of Crohn's sufferers out there that just grind it out, actually most do that, they're not all taking narcotics. They tough it out. I used to do that, I was a toughey, I did it. I can do it again, I just need an attitude adjustment!
MK~
