leakage and sex

I think most will agree that what goes on before takedown and after, can be entirely different. I had a lot of mucous before takedown, but zero leakage after takedown with the exception of a few times at nighttime only during bad pouchitis. I would not be concerned at all.

Agree.

If it does happen after takedown, it will probably only be when stool is very liquidy. To prevent that, always go to the bathroom and empty before sex. It's worth breaking the mood for a moment at the beginning to feel safe and secure later.

Thanks, ladies. Good to hear. I had emptied my ileostomy and thought I had emptied all of my j pouch before, so that's why I was concerned. Glad to hear what happens before does not always mean it will happen after. Geez, this disease bites sometimes. But still super grateful to be here!

I have had no leakage during sex and I have had a lot of sex. However I have had to get up and go to bathroom during sex. Not very often though. 

I'm new to this site although I was diagnosed in 2005 (precancerous polyps in an active area of ulcerative colitis—after a second opinion I was told by both docs that I would need to have my entire colon removed—without the surgery I would definitely get colon cancer.  It took me about a year to finally consult with one of the 3 surgeons I was referred to and my first surgery was in late 2006; my final one was in early 2007.  After my 6-month checkup I asked if I could go back to my original doctor for my continued care (my surgeon was waaay across town and too hard to travel to.  I sadly found out my original doc had moved from the suburb 10 minutes from my house to one an hour away!  I went to see him but never followed up—I just put up with everything.  I was 54 and divorced at the time of my surgery, with no thoughts or plans of any "relationship," especially since my surgery.  Well, I am 64 now and have met a gorgeous 66-year-old man (he looks 50) who is sexually active (I haven't been since 1995) and I'm terrified!  I am aware that I will probably never be able to have spontaneous sex again.  I still have leakage at night and during the day.  I've even had leakage without even realizing it until I go to use the bathroom or get a slight burning on my skin!! How is this possible and, although he's very aware I need to take things slow, i'm going to eventually have to tell him about my surgery.  I can't believe he won't immediately run the other way!?!  Should I just forget the whole idea of dating, period, or, is there any hope for me at all?

Spunkycat, I love your attitude and agree wholeheartedly. Take some risks and get the most out of your life while you can. Personally, I think you will be fine. how many of us make it to mid life without some baggage in tow? If your new fella is worth his salt, he will not even blink when you tell your tale, other than to marvel at how well you have done. As for those intimate moments, I just empty my pouch prior to activity and I am good.

 

Jan

I totally agree with Jan. And especially with taking a moment to empty the pouch right before.  Just seems like the old days when women would excuse themselves to put on some birth control. Also, maybe have a washcloth discreetly close by just in case. 

Spunky Cat,

Welcome aboard...this is a wonderful ship and we are a very welcoming crew! 

I have a k pouch (same as the j pouch but with an abdominal stoma outlet with a 1 way anti-reflux valve).

I've been pretty much sick my whole life and have had more surgeries than you have fingers and toes...the scars to match and a ton of physical and mental damage to go right along with it all.

I have dealt with dating in puberty, adolecence, young adulthood and pre-menopause. 

There is no easy age, no better time and no rules.

My first hubby married me between steps 2 and 3 of my k pouch construction...not easy, I wore a diaper over my abdomen, leaked full out all the contents and was terrified of wearing a white wedding dress (we won't mention the wedding night jitters!)

Hubby #2 met me at 28, dated (without sex) for 3 months and then changed his mind. We split up for 10 yrs and then tried it again at 38 (for me, 52 for him). 

My pouch quickly fell apart that year and I went through a rollercoaster of surgeries (13 in all over 10 yrs) that left me shattered, battered and broken. 

I got married in the middle of it all, managed to have a reasonably successful sex life and hit menopause all simultaneously. 

The guys don't care. They couldn't care less about the scars, lumps, bumps and leaks. They care about laughter, smiles, giggles and joy. They take their leads from us. If we blow off the leaks and smelly stuff they do too (just hand the man a beer or steak, he will be fine).

Congratulations for having the courage to get out there again and managing to hook a good one...you have what it takes so don't waste it worrying about leakage. Empty out your pouch, eat light beforehand and enjoy...there is a lot to be said for a little preparation at our age! Even healthy women worry so I don't see the difference.

Tell him your tale, wear some nice lingerie if you are worried about showing your scars and try sex in the shower or tub...

Have fun

Sharon

 

Thanks, all of you..., I was just about to forget about this guy, thinking about what his reaction might be when the time is right for me to disclose..., we've had a few long phone conversations in which we very lightly touched on the subject of sex.  It only came up because he told me he does "date" and do I or will I mind.  I said no because we are not committed to one another, however, if or when the time were to come where our relationship became physical, then, yes, I'd mind sleeping with him if he were sleeping with another woman.  So the conversation eventually led to him knowing I have not only not  dated since I dated my ex in 1985, and, even though we were still married, I stopped sleeping with him in '95 because he became involved with intervenous drug use (talk about having cob webs) so I need to take things slow for now and he made it very clear in a very tactful, considerate way, that he's not by any means gonna '"jump my bones" the first chance he gets, nor will he do anything to make me uncomfortable.  This guy is a sweetheart and one of the very few men that I have even come close to trusting in a very long time.  I do have a few more questions but I'm too tired to type any longer.  Just know, for now, y'all have made me feel sooo much better...thanks!!