Self dialation is possible...you do not need to go to a gyn for that...they sell the things in specialised shops and it is much less painful and embarassing. Just make sure that you use lube amply and generously beforehand and you go slowly...then after a while change up sizes until you reach the one that best corresponds to your comfort zone and your partner.
It costs less (but is not covered by your HMO!) allows you to avoid those difficult to get appointments.
Sharon
ps..muscle relaxants or a glass of wine can go a long way to making things easier.

You might as for a referral to a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. I'm sure they deal with it all the time, and people here who have seen one seem to highly recommend them.

Good luck.

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Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist

Been to one of those sine I have Interstitial Cystitis. Worst thing I ever did! Won't do that again.

That's too bad. I know people who swear by them and have had great results. If I had issues, I would see one in a heartbeat.

A lot of them do not know how to properly treat bladder disease and that is what they are there for. Lady destroyed me and put me in a 3 month uncontrollable flare.

I just posted about pelvic floor dysfunction. My problem is also horrible pain during attempted intercourse. Could it have an affect on our pouches

I got Estrace cream it is helping my muscles relax. Since I have Interstitial cystitis and now my rectum removed it is a double whammy in my PVF. My acne cleared up so that is a plus at least on it and it is so soothing down there. I am not in menapause so I only use 3 times a week isntead of daily that most women dose.

It might help. I also have a fallopian tube filled with fluid that might be causing the pain. when I had the trans vaginal ultrasound and they moved the wand over in that area it hurt like hell.

Sex, unless really rough and wild, should not have any adverse effect on a healthy, normal pouch...that said...if you have a prolapsed pouch, an abscess, fistula, cuffitis or any other pouch problem then sex may irritate it or aggravate it or even be painful...just like if you have ovarian cysts or salpangitis or any other uterine problem...face it...they are next door neighbours and if you shake up one you are shaking up the other a bit too...under normal circumstances sex should be painless but you may find yourself drier, tighter or in need of a few extra preliminaries to get thing moving...just keep doing those kiegels to reinforce your pelvic floor, stock up on lube and dim the lights...
some soft music, a comfortable atmosphere and an empty pouch help a lot...if that is not enough then you may wish to try a mild muscle relaxant or a glass of wine.
And I cannot insist enough on the 'make it fun' part...a sense of humour is essential in the begining.
Sharon

anyone who has had backside parts removed... and I know you have vanessa.... can have their anatomy shifted. This can cause many problems including painful sex. This is a published and known problem for women. Its unfortunate that our doctors do not discuss this with us prior to jpouch excision and backside removals. It is my understanding thus far -... after discusssing these problems with both my colorectal surgeon and a urogynegolist (and having both work together during my last EUA) that nothing can be done.. once the anatomy has shifted. pm me for more info.

My UroGyno is the one that gave me Estrace cream. Just so my muscles can relax. My wall just isn't stretching. IC causes this to happen so now the rectum being removed and all the pressure in my abdomen is just contributing to it. She usually gives valium vaginal suppositories as well to help but I am trying this first. I have had a long IC battle and she has been doing the best she can for me with it for the past year but I am pretty much a hopeless case when it comes to IC. The cream def helps a bit in general. I had to have a trans vaginal ultrasound done and that is a big probe. It wasn't pleasant to have done but I think the cream and Oxy made it ok.

I will be at the Cleveland Clinic all next week since I am going to see Dr Shen so maybe he can get me a few other consults. Would love a surgical and a gyno one. I have a lot of other doctors I need to see so I am sure I will be booking another flight to go back in a month or so.

It all sucks! I really regret surgery. the pain I have just in general is unbearable so sex just isn't happening and I don't really care anymore. I told my husband he can move on any time! Feel bad for the guy but I can't be worried over sex. Or get him a hooker...

vanessa I was referred to a wonderful urogyn at CC, Dr. Ridgeway. What I've been told, once the rectum is removed, the vagina tilts, bends, whatever.. This is what causes lots and lots of problems for many women. So maybe that is also contributing to your problems.

Well the estrace cream I was given seems to have helped 90%. Sex doesn't really hurt. Can't do anything to crazy though since my rectum area is still sensitive and I grew all these cysts down there that sit on my nerves, thanks FAP. I am going back to the cleveland clinic to kill the nerves. Dr Shen tried but I now have to go to a pain management doctor that can do it from the spinal area and kill off the pelvic section. Hopefully that combined I can get some more pain relief. And my bladder should also be better then.

But if you have pain with sex or tampons, etc. try the Estrace to anyone reading. It helps everything stretch back out. It is also pretty soothing.

Thanks Vanessavy for your wealth of information! I am going through menopause and if the pain keeps up I will have to call my gyno. I thought, of course, it was because of my menopause, new j pouch and other complications! I am glad I found this thread!
Do we need to suffer even for something that we are suppose to enjoy! When does the suffering end.........!

Roberta

I couldn't even get an applictor in me at first to get the cream in that was how bad my walls were. My IC disease already causes this. there is another cream out there if Estrace doesn't work but I forgot the name though, starts with a P. Sure a Gyno knows about it. I don't take Estrace every day though since I am not in menopause so I take a small amount only 3 times a week. It has helped release the non stop spasm basically my wall has been in, more relaxed. there is a pill form you can put in but my Urogyno said people reported the cream, even though messy since it can discharge out, same as a yeast infection cream, said it was soothing and I agree. When you are so dry already and tight it just feels better.

At times sex was painful but gyno didn't feel there was a problem and annual exam was normal. When going to pelvic floor rehab. ordered by gyno. It no longer hurt when having sex but didn't help with emptying pouch or bladder. Therapyst had me do exercise instead of bio-feedback. Can you give me more information about the pain management? Sometimes it hurts so much when having a bowel movement. So far I have been able to endure most pain but not this pain. Sometimes even when doing nothing it throbs. Told pain meds. can make cuffitis worse but sometimes I have to take them anyway. You mentioned menopause. I think I might be. My monthly has always been worse since UC. I hope you get some relief soon. I can definitely relate to the pain. Husband says he understands but actions show differently. I don't feel that it is all his fault b/c it is difficult to understand things if you have never experienced it. Most people are clueless that having a pouch means more than just going extra to the bathroom.

KK,
There is no way a husband can understand a pouch unless he has one...no different than him trying to understand a pregnancy...he can sympathyse or comiserate but he cannot understand. If you think that you are entering menopause then you might want to visit your Gyn and have some blood work done...it tells you pretty quickly as well as an ultrasound...after my last round of surgeries my period took a vacation and never came back...but I was still in a 'folicular stage' meaning my ovaries were still releasing eggs and my uterus was still preparing itself but not 'sloughing off'...so there was a build up in there that was causing a lot of pressure on the backside. She put me on these very nasty hormones to make my period 'come down'...needless to say, I got the period but turned into a raving monster for the duration. But the pressure did go away!
The cream does feel yucky but does help a lot...she also gave me this estrogene cream to rub into my arm daily for 15 days a month to 'encourage' my period to come back...instead of taking meds by mouth...She said it was eaier for my digestion to deal with it that way...so there are a lot of options out there.
Sharon

You can buy a dialator set from pure romance. Have you tried lidocaine for your vagina? Have you tried doing a deep squat where your hand touch the floor, or lying on your back with your knees to your chest holding your feet. It stretches out your pelvic floor muscles. Biofeed back is based alot on breathing and focusing on something else other than the pain. Call around to some clinical psychologist and they might know of someone or might be able to teach you you biofeedback tech. I started taking BC again and that really helped lighten my period.

I, too, was having problems a few years ago with being so tight because of lack of lubrication that it was making intercourse painful, something which I never had a problem with before. I mentioned it to a gynecologist when I went to see him for something else & he prescribed Premarine 0.625 mg/g Cream, which is estrogen in a cream base. I use 0.5g intravaginally twice a week & it has helped tremendously. Don't know whether or not my problem was related to my Kock pouch or old age!

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Premarine

That is the name. I was going to try that if Estrace didn't work. Both are hormone creams and help a lot.