I think the point is that extremes in either direction are not productive. If you are overly optimistic, you can tend to ignore real risks. Overly pessimistic and you ignore opportunities out of unreasonable fear.

There is evidence that if you do not have a positive attitude about a surgery or treatment, it is less likely to be successful.

Hence my notion you should hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

Jan

Given the no freedom of speech attitude seen on this pathetic board, you must mean Hitler's power of positive thinking. Too bad that didn't work, ha Nazi's? THE TRUTH SHALL PREVAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would agree with Jan, that extremes in either direction are not productive. I've gone through a brief course of therapy and I understand the patterns of negative thinking and how they can be problematic. Catastrophsizing every little issue will never do you any good, and simply turn you into a nervous wreck or miserable human being. At the same time, however, it makes no sense to be overly optimistic or positive if the situation does not warrant it (if that is the case, others might in fact see you as delusion ). I am certainly not a pessimistic person by any stretch of the word, but I AM what I would consider realistic(as Jan says, hope for the best while preparing for the worst--but of course based on REAL information, not misinformation). I think it's important to be educated and informed, understand the potential pros and cons/good and bad outcomes of any situation, and be prepared. In that sense, if something is bound to have a bad outcome/poor prognosis, there is no sense getting your hopes up that things will magically change, because you'll just be setting yourself up for a bigger fall when your high expectations aren't realized. On the flipside, if a situation seems generally good/stable, there is no sense being overly pessimistic by convincing yourself that something is bound to go wrong or that you will be, say, in the 5% failure group, because that will just drive you batty. Again, it comes down to balance, which again, I think can only really be achieved by getting the proper information.

Of course, if you find yourself falling too often into negative thinking patterns such that it's affecting your ability to live your life, it wouldn't hurt to try to change your thinking, and if you need a short course of therapy to identify your overly negative thought patterns and help turn them into something more positive or at least realistic, then perhaps it would be something to look into.

I certainly think it works. I try to apply positive thinking and attitude to everything in my life. I find it has a big impact. It's something I have instilled in my children as well.

Constant negativity will put a lot of stress on your body physically as well as mentally.

Agreed. It's sometimes hard, and takes practice, but I try to take any negative and turn it around to a positive. And when the negative tends to take over, I go out and get a large dose of aerobic activity.

Sue

I also agree with positive thinking. Negativity only breeds more negativity is is a waste of energy. That is why it is best to surround yourself with positive people.

Even when you feel really sick, hard as it may be to stay positive, I sometimes use laughter or will watch a movie that makes me laugh. Yesterday, I had to have a Kidney Stone blasted and I make sure to go in with the proper attitude incl being able to laugh at myself.

Prior to the procedure, the nurse informed me that once I come out of the anesthesia, I may feel loopy. I said, loopy, goofy, what ever. People who know me will not see any difference because I am like that anyway. She laughed. Later on, I went to a Knights of Columbus meeting and thanked the guys who offered to help me and I mentioned what the nurse said. One of the guys beat me to it by saying, to me, that I am a loopy person anyway, we could never tell the difference. I said, for your information, I don't need your help because I said the exact same thing. We all started to laugh.

Then, once I came out of it, another nurse asked me if I wanted juice, or water, and pretzals and I said that would be fine, so long as you also bring me a glass of Chianti. She said we can't do that here. So I told her, you're no fun. What good is this procedure if I cannot have a glass of wine afterwards? The whole time I am smiling so she started to laugh too. Then she said I cannot drink wine until tomorrow. So I said that is down right cruel and unfair, especially since I will be out tonight with some of the guys at a Knights meeting. I just kept making jokes about the whole thing.

As we started talking, she said it was a pleasure to know me to talk to me because i have such a positive outlook. I wish more of our patients were like you. Even if you don't believe it inside, fake it until you make it. It does work.

Also, it is a good idea to disassociate with people who are negative because they will bring you down along with them. We have seen that example on this site.

Rocket

Hey Rocco,

Hope your kidney stone blasting went well. Who did the procedure? Greg went to Dr. Choi (great guy) and he had to go 5 times before they got it all out. That was a drag! Hope yours wasn't as stubborn!

Hi Marianne,

Dr. Harmon does mine. He is in Somerville with the Somerset Urilogical Associates.

5 times for Greg???? That is crazy. It must have been really big.

I have to go get an X-Ray in 2 weeks then see him again to make sure he got it all. Even if they did, I have to go do this again because I have Kidney Stone in my left Kidney that are too large to blast out.

Mine is caused by too much Uric Acid. He wants me on a low-protien diet but for people with a J-Pouch, I need to be on a high-protein diet according to a Nutrionist I saw last week. Therefore, I told Dr. Harmon that I get to pick my poison so I choose Kidney Stones.

Three years ago, the stone was so big, that Dr. Harmon first had to put a Stent in me (I was knocked out for that one). Had the stone blasted. Went for the X-Ray, saw the doctor again, it still was too big, had the stone blasted again, had an X-Ray then it was fine.

Of course then he had to take the Stent out and for that I was awake. That was not a pleasent experience as I would rather be tarred with feathers and run through a bee-hive then go through this.

Quite frankly, with all the other health issues I have and my home life, I take having Kidney Stones with a grain of salt. My attitude is "Whatever" and I just don't care anymore. It is what it is.

These are the cards God dealt me so I have to play the hand I have. Its pointless to run from this Cross so I accept it instead as that makes it a lot easier.

I will produce Kidney Stone for the rest of my life according to my doctor because of my health issues with not having a colon. I just do the best I can.

Carol Burnett once said that for a man to experience giving birth, he would have to put his lower lip over his head. That line always cracks me up. However, the first stone I actually passed had a jagged edge all the around it and I screamed so loud, I bet the whole neighborhood heard me.

Rocco

His stone was HUGE. He drinks tons of water everyday not to go thru that again. I never saw someone is so much pain in my life. It was awful. The poor guy was definately in more pain with that than when I gave birth! I feel so sorry for anyone with kidney stones. I have heard that we as j pouchers are susceptible to them now.

That is correct. We are more prone to Kidney Stones because we cannot absorb water as everything goes right through you.

Rocco

Thanks for the replies! Do you think there is also psychosomatic effects? Like if I think I have crohn's or my fistula won't heal, then it will come true or be a self fulfilling prophecy? Or is that not medically logical? How much effort is it worth it to try to change our behavior and become optimists (Which is actually not easy for a pessimist to do) if really the outcome in the end is the same, if positive thinking has minimal or no effect.........is it gonna make much difference? Whether I think negative or positive, for example, it is not going to change whether my fistula heals or not. Right? Wrong?

Well, you can't think yourself into having Crohn's, but major pessimism/negative thinking can prolong your illness and prevent healing.

If you do have Crohn's, you cannot think that away either, but positive thinking can hasten healing.

Even if it does not actually change the overall physical outcome, positive thinking can improve how well you cope with things, create an atmosphere of peace, and help you be more pleasant to be around. So, it is not all about the physical outcome.

Getting to that mindset is a different story. It is not like you can just tell yourself that you are going to quit obsessing, worrying, catastrophizing, and become Tony Robbins. I doubt you can completely change how your brain is wired, at least not easily or quickly. But, who am I to say you can't?

I really don't know, since I have always been sort of a Pollyanna, one of those annoying types that wakes up cheerful, while my son and husband are sort of crabby for an hour before I can talk to them. But, I guess they are not big time pessimists because they both have UC too, and don't seem to let it prevent them from looking forward.

The way I see it, I cannot imagine anyone NOT wanting to be optimistic. It does not mean you throw reality out of the window, but that you maintain hope that things will improve, even if they cannot be perfect. You can be accepting of a lousy outcome, without allowing it to pound you into the dirt.

Here is a psychologist's site with some tips that make sense to me:
http://kalimunro.com/wp/articl...id-negative-thinking

Jan

I am a guarded optimist with fatlistic tendancies...(what else is new?)...but I honestly believe that whether it be optimism, prayer, religious beliefs or good luck charms if it works for you then keep doing it! If it doesn't try another trick... we all need to hang on to that feeling that we somehow have a modicum of control over our lives, bodies and what is happening to them...without that we feel helpless, powerless and lost...so if it helps you, Why not? What could it hurt?
It is like family and friends...some of us do better with, others are very private people and prefer to go through all of this alone and are honestly bothered by having others see us weak and sick. I prefer the flowers, visits and phonecalls (although not just post op)...hubby wants us to leave him alone and just go away (no surprise!).
As my dad always said...if it doesn't help at least it doesn't hurt.
Sharon

thanks! Jan, your response makes so much sense! very logical and sensible....i wish i could think the way you do! no one in my family is a "pollyanna", so maybe it's the environment i grew up in. i wish i grew up with "pollyannas", but i might have been annoyed....i'm NOT a morning person

quote:

The way I see it, I cannot imagine anyone NOT wanting to be optimistic.

i really also liked the link you sent.. I guess there are ways/techniques of becoming a little more optimistic. If it truly DOES help healing, it is worth it!!!!

i think distraction is important! an idle mind is a dangerous mind... maybe i need to get a hobby

Oh, absolutely. One of the best distractions is helping someone else. Being useful is one of the best ways to start feeling positive about yourself, your life, and everything else.

Hard to do I know when your health is in the crapper. But, you help people every day when you post here, even if you don't realize. Because letting others know they are not alone in how they feel is helpful. Wanting to feel hopeful and positive is one step in the right direction.

Jan

thanks, Jan!!!! I realize one of my issues is EXACTLY what you said - I simply don't feel USEFUL! i go out and do things like short walk or watch a movie. but I'm not working right now, I don't volunteer, don't walk dogs, don't save lives, don't plant trees, don't solve crimes! at best i recycle...when i remember

I didn't realize i was being helpful AT ALL by posting, because mostly i just post my random questions and weird thoughts that come to my brain

i definitely want to feel more positive! and be a happier person! it is lonely and miserable being down in the dumps! what was the point of going through all this crap and suffering if i can't do something positive with my life at some point? it's just that i am so IMPATIENT. i want to be 100% better. NOW. i want to do more, but i don't know what "more" is? still trying to find my calling i guess. Am i supposed to be posting on this board more? should I call the red cross and volunteer? do i need to just go to a charity event? maybe try a few things until i find what i like? what am i supposed to be doing with my life?

all i know is that i'm not happy and i don't feel like i am doing enough about it....

i don't like how my recovery is going. i don't like this darn fistula! I don't know what this j-pouch is gonna be like in the future. if it's gonna fail, i want to know NOW so i can spare myself the time and agony and just get an ostomy! i don't like all these unknowns!

it's much easier for me to dwell, wallow, and sulk!!! but i feel like i'm spending my time poorly.

hopefully as i recover and gain more strength, i will find more light! the great people on this site, including you, are making me realize it! thank you!

Jan,

Your [QUOTE] "One of the best distractions is helping someone else."

I couldn't agree more. When I was in counseling, my therapist asked if I did any volunteer work. Now a week earlier, I was in tears recalling my past from childhood. But when I told her what I do as a volunteer, she said my eyes lit up and I was smiling.

What I do is every year, is many people of our parish donate their time and talent in putting together a Thanksgiving Dinner for the poor. Last year, we fed over 800 people. I work Tuesday night, Wed, I work about 12 hours, last year I made 9 turkeys and the area restaurants donated over 95 turkeys. Thanksgiving I work until 1:00. During Christmas, our parish collects food and toys for the poor families and the Sunday before, I dress up a Santa Claus and visit about 5 homes. Actually there are two of us who play Santa and it works out great because many of the children only speak Spanish and the other Santa speaks fluent Spanish and a great fun guy. He doesn't need any padding like I do. He is from Puerto Rico and is a lot of fun to be around.

My daughter asked me last year why do I put so much time and effort into the Thanksgiving project? I told her because I am with so many people doing the same thing and it builds great camaraderie. But the main reason is I am helping people. I put it another way to her. I asked her how do you think I would feel if I couldn't do this because say I was sick for example. She didn't know. I said I would cry my eyss out it means that much to me. I think she was taken back and asked me did I know them and I said no, but I don't need to know them either, nor do I want any thank you's. But when you help people for a good cause, you don't even give it a 2nd thought about your health.

I remember one year that I play Santa for a family of 5, the father, who lost his job through no fault of his own, came to me and with tears in his eyes, he hugged me and thanked me. Immediately I told him, No, it is I who am thanking you. It means so much to me to do God's work because when you give, you receive much, much more.

Therefore, Jan brought up a great point. For anyone who is down and depressed because they are going through a down period, like that is what Pouchitis does to me, helping people is the best therepy you can do. When you give of yourself, you do feel good about yourself.

Rocket

Rocket. I agree that helping other has a huge positive impact on yourself as well as the others you help. I think it is why I became a teacher. I feel like my time is being spent worthwhile.

Positive thinking releases endorphins, which have been shown to aid in the healing process. Its not a stretch to say positive thinking can help heal you.

The pessimism in this sense seems more like bracing for reality. If you think a life changing event like J-pouch surgery is going to be sunshine and rainbows you are in for a rude awakening. Certain individuals on this board who are now gone seemed to think that living with a J-pouch was going to be easy peasy- now, dealing with even minor issues must seem like a horrible event.

I braced myself for the realities that this was going to be hard, while at the same time I try to keep a positive outlook that things will get better for me with my pouch, my job, and hopefully soon having kids. Having things to look forward to and thinking positively about those things is important, while realizing nothing in life is easy. Sometimes that makes getting there all the sweeter.

Excellent point! You can't use positive thinking like a magic wand to undo reality. But, you can use it to help you accept and cope with complications, without them unraveling your life.

Granted, some patients were sort of given a too rosy expectation. I imagine in some cases it was the patient who chose to hear only the "good stuff," but probably just as likely that the surgeon glossed over the potential complications like the fine print in a contract. Shame on them if they did not tell their patients it can take a long time before good function is possible.

15-20 years ago, there was not this wealth of information on the internet available to the public, so you can't blame "old timers" with the j-pouch for not knowing better. On the other hand, thinking that life would be better with the diseased colon doesn't make much sense, since there obviously was something serious going on to consider colectomy in the first place.

Jan

Hi all,
This has been enlightening for me to read. I've always been a Pollyanna, glass half full kind of person. It's gotten me through some pretty rough patches.

I'm in therapy too Rocket. I've had sessions similar to yours about trauma in my childhood.

I have fibromyalgia and have been getting massages twice a month for years. My massage therapist pointed out that every time I saw my mother I had UC flare. She was right. My mother abused me as a child and continued to find ways of driving me nuts as an adult. These were flare-ups caused by stress.

I sold my business in 2000 as I could no longer work the time that was required. I worked part time until April 2010, when the flare from hell sidelined me. My surgeries were in November and December 2010. I walked out of the hospital new years day 1/1/11 after my take down.

I filed for long term disability benefits from my insurance company in April 2011. In June 2011 and they paid me retroactive benefits. They asked why I waited so long to file a claim and I said because I thought I was going to get better. They updated my claim this summer by having me sign current authorizations for them to obtain medical records.

I filed for social security disability benefits in April of this year. After jumping through all of their hoops I was approved for benefits and received a year of back benefits. Their "award" letter stated they would review my case in 5-7 years. They have classified my disability as unlike to improve. This killed Pollyanna. I'm pretty sure I won't ever be able to work again and have no idea what kind of quality of life I'm going to have to accept. I probably will never accept it and continue in my funk (depression).

I'm not pessimistic about this, I've finally accepted reality.

I have not gone through all of this to give up now. I have a little hope. I'm Pollyanna's downer cousin Paulette