I only had a 2 step open surgery in 1991.  I quit all pain meds in the hospital, when I developed an ileus, so can't help you there... stupid?  Maybe... but I think I have a weird pain tolerance, honestly. 

I was told to eat thickening foods, but honestly, if it's a "loop" ileostomy, or even an ileostomy, it's never going to be super thick. Loops are higher up the small bowel, too, so will be even more liquidy. Small bowel stool just isn't the same as colonic stool. I didn't do anything particularly different, but you can try things like bananas or pretzels, the psyllium or Citrucel, or use Imodium or Lomotil to slow things. Opiates have a tendency to slow things, too, such as opium tincture. 

Stoma wise, I cleansed well, and used skin prep pads to make a barrier on the skin, and stomahesive paste around the cut out hole of the ostomy appliance's flange. Try to make sure you're cutting the hole "just the right size" around the stoma, to alleviate leakage. 

I put stoma powder on the broken skin, dusted it off, and sprayed a film of skin barrier over it. On my second stoma, my output never thickened, as I had a bowel obstruction and couldn't eat solids. But I used Coloplast barrier strips and convex wafers, and they worked surprisingly well, considering my output was completely liquid. They didn't leak, and I had some skin breakdown, but not too bad. Because I was also always dehydrated, my surgeon did the takedown after five weeks instead of six. So far things are going well. 

Sorry you're having such a hard time! Hope the ostomy nurse can help.