I feel really bad for you. It is very very difficult to deal with inter personal/ relationship conflict when you are not well, it is hard enough when you are well. Pain at your level is unacceptable on a long term basis it will slowly drive you to ground. Yes I think it past time to see an expert.
I watched my life being controlled by my pouch function and said enough. I now have end ileo. That may not be right for you but at a certain point we have to decide do we want to live a pouch centered life, or just live our lives with the external pouch which I have found takes very little attention.