Hi Everyone,

I have been scheduled for my J-pouch to be diverted on the 26th of August, and things are really starting to get to me. I just want to get it over with... I'm sooo scared about my outcome, I don't even know what I have Crohn's or a leak or a combination, who knows. I have been in pain for over 6 months.After many test and procedures the doctors are still on the fence. I know this is one of my only options left before a permanant illeostomy. But past surgeries have ment nothing but problems and repeat visit to the hospital from unforeseen comlications. Yeah, I know I can't live in the past. I am trying to keep my head in a good place. But as each day goes by my fears are getting the best of me. So my questions are: How do you prepare yourself for an unknown outcome? How do you make good choices, and stay positive with a unknown diagnosis? Having to put my family through all this again. When will it stop. I know I need surgery regaurdless of the diganosis, but I want to make the right choice. What is the right choice? I don't know...
Sorry for the rant,
Carolyn

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Croachpa,

You might want to contact JillM. She's mentioned a book or tape (or both) that really helped get her through her processes.

And don't EVER be sorry for a rant, hear?

kathy

Hi Carolyn,
I am Sharon from the K pouch site here. I can't give you a magic formula to make fear and anxiety and doubt disppear 'poof'! but I can reassure you that we all go through it....We have all had numerous procedures invested with a thousand hopes and fears and pain and loss and a million different things for each one of us. It is never the same for two people but I can promise you that the more 'optimistic' you are going into this procedure the better the result....I have had 4 major revisons in one year and I have never stopped hoping that each one would be the last. I may have finally won this war...I don't know but then again does anyone?
My advice? Do lots of fun stuff, fill your mind with wonderful memories of things that you have enjoyed and people that you love, dream long and hard about all of the wonderful things that you will do, places you will go and people that you will be able to love without pain once you are finally healthy...
I got through all of my personal hell thanks to a lot of very loving people, often those that I did not expect to be there (many from this site ) and many dreams of a bright future...also my grandchildren who made me cry whenever they asked me if I was done being 'sick' and could I start to play again?
find your own personal motivator and cling to it...and keep writng to us all...we will be there for you...
Lots of luck and love for the 26th
Sharon

Kathy and Sharon,

Thanks for the kind words, just being able to talk with people who truly understand helps...

Thanks as always for listening,
Carolyn

Carolyn, the book/tape Kathy mentioned that I used is called "Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster" by Peggy Huddleston. The tape is a guided meditation (about 30 minutes long) specifically geared to address surgical outcomes. If you follow the whole program, you use the tape prior to you surgery and then wear it on a continuous loop tape player in the OR. I've used it for my pouch removal surgery, for two IVF egg retrievals and for 2 c-sections and I swear it is what has kept me sane.

Croachpa,
I've walked through quite a bit! While battling U.C. for 13years I also had diagnosede bladder cancer in 1996 and had to undergo 5 years of treatment! My relationship with God has always been my anchor of hope! If you think about it, fear is only relying on speculations and unfounded facts that really don't exist. Faith is relying on facts that may be unseen but they are in an unshakable source who everything is under his authority! When things seem impossible I grab hold of that God is my friend & not my foe & what ever He leads me to & allows in my life , He will lead me through! I've never found one thing I've not come through & not been changed in some way for the better! I know His word says that the reason he allows such things is so we can have empathy for others & encourage them in the same storms! That is pretty much what everyone does on this sight! I'll be praying for you! Trust in Him & all this will work out! It is tough & life isn't fair, but God can turn the worst of things into something good if we will look for it & trust him & not the lies of fear! God Bless! Danny

Carolyn,

I think it's natural to have doubts and fears before going through yet another major surgery. Focus on the fact you are not satisfied with your life as it currently is, and this next surgery will help move you in the direction of life as you hope it will be. Remember that a positive attitude can help with healing, and that your family and friends will take their cues from you.

Good luck!
Anjuli

Thanks Everyone....
Your thoughts, prayers and well wishes certainly help...JillM I will defintely check out the book and tape...
As always thanks for listening,
Carolyn