This was my question after having Step 1 of 2 surgeries. I have 3 children (ages 5,7,9, all girls) Because of their ages, I was unsure that I wanted to explain what a temporary ileo was. Well, I decided I was going to keep it a secret until one of them saw my bag a few days after coming home from the hospital. The BIG discussion began. I started to try to explain in a very tender way that mommy had surgery on her tummy and now I can't go poop the way they can. I explained that I now poop from my tummy into a bag instead of from my bottom. I was really trying to be truthful and make them each understand in a way that a 5,7and 9 year old can. My biggest fear was that they would think badly of me or reject or be afraid of me.

Well, let me tell you, this is what my children got out of the whole conversation:

My 9 year old nodded like she understood. So did my 7 year old. Whew, they were okay with it. My 5 year old tilted her head sideways and said, so if you eat something, it will come out in there (pointing to the bag)? She ran to the kitchen and got a handful of saltine crackers and ran back and said, "eat these, I want to watch them come out."

My point is, if you think you will have a hard time getting your children to accept the way things are with you, then you need to realize that they are far more accepting of you than you are.

I thought I needed to protect them when they were protecting me instead. If you have not yet had surgery and are wondering what to tell your children about it, tell them the truth. They love us unconditionally. They will always accept us also.

Alexandra,

What a sweet story. My kids were a bit older when I had my surgeries. My youngest (at the time, she was 9) thought it was "cool" and even helped me with my staples, bag, etc. My oldest daughter (at the time 12) had a harder time being around when it was visible, but was quick to tell me it was because she didn't like anything medical - that it wasn't about ME, it was about her "weak stomach".

Kids adapt. I really believe that communication is the key.

Thanks for sharing your story!
Carrie

What a wonderful stories! Maybe someday you can show your 5 yr old when something does come through solid! She would probably think it's pretty funny.
Good luck with what your future brings.
DeAnna

I would think the kids are the easiest to speak to! My 3 yr old niece was quiet when visiting me in the hospital, but she was prob wondering what the heck the ng tube was. it prob didn't help that I was miserable. Even though that's young, I would assume they're easier, at least in my experience ....
My brothers are the one's who get queesy and don't want ot hear a thing, my dad too!!

Actually, I haven't found many boys who've found this fascinating, but all the girls have! My sisters, their friends, they all want to hear and see more. I draw the line at my laproscopic 3 inch scar going across my --------

My kids were very supportive (aged 7 and 10). My son didn't like the sight of the stoma, but was very considerate and tried to hide his disgust. He'd say "I wouldn't mind if the stoma was on your face, Mummy, as long as you're alive." (Then I'd go off and bawl my eyes out when I was on my own!) My daughter,the 7-year-old, told all her friends in glorious technicolour about the stoma, and when they recently learned about the digestive system at school, she could describe my step 1 and takedown in detail (and correctly!). My brother was AMAZING through the whole stoma thing, and told me he'd help me change the appliance if I found it too gross. He said "Don't think of the output as poo. It hasn't been digested properly. Think of it as sweat or fluid." His shoulder dried a lot of tears . And hubby was there for me through the whole thing, telling me how beautiful I was. I am lucky!

Our 7-year-old son is a boy who is actually interested in the stoma, so I guess it's not just a girl thing. Paul usually changes the whole system on Wed and Sat, and our son always reminds him what day it is and asks if he can stay up late to see the stoma after the bag's off. "Looks good, Dad! No excoriated skin this time!" He's very "up" on the medical terms now that Paul's been through so many surgeries. It's amazing what they pick up without us realizing it. Kids are great. I agree that complete openness is the best policy. In the long run, I hope it will make our 7-year-old and 4-year-old twins more understanding and compassionate towards people in general, remembering that one never knows what people may be dealing with underneath the outer facade.
Betsy & Paul

Funny! I have two boys ages 5 and 8. My 8 year old wanted nothing to do with my "bag". Whenever I needed a change, he ran to the other part of the house. My 5 year old was the exact opposite. He actually helped me! He wanted to see the stoma and was very interested in how things came out. He was particularly fascinated when I passed a green olive!
One thing that got even the 8 year old to giggle was when passed gas!

I think Kids can deal with these things better than we give them credit for. I think they handle them better than a lot of adults as they are so interested in learning all about everything.

My oldest son was 12 when I had my first surgery and I told him if he wanted I would show him my stoma etc and he said that it was interesting but he has a weak stomach for those sorts of things so once he saw and learned what it did that was all he wanted to do with it.

My youngest at the time was only two, he knew that mommy was sick and the doctor had to fix me but I wasn't sure how he would react to it all so one day he saw me empty the bag and said "yucky poo poo". Never got upset, just knew that was were my poop came from and life went on.

Yes, I think a 5 or six year old would love to see a whole pea come popping out

Before I retired I taught medically fragile, severely disabled youngsters many of whom had gastric tubes and/or colostomies/ileostomies and/or trachs. We were located on a general ed. campus. Kids who came to interract with my students were fascinated by how these kids were fed, how they breathed and how they eliminated waste. We invited them to watch us perform these functions if they'd like to do so. There was not one "Ugh" uttered. We would draw pictures explaining why our students met their basic needs in a way which was different from theirs. No problem!