Hi guys, Just had a good laugh at these postings
Ok, here's my account of one of my life's most embarrassing experiences, all courtesy of UC:
I'd just had my very first colonoscopy. No pain relief offered: OUCH!! Needless to say, I came home walking like John Wayne and feeling somewhat shell-shocked. I'd had to drink 2 liters of gunk that tasted of stagnant fish water to prep for the colonoscopy. After the first liter, I threw up every time I opened the fridge door to pour another glass. Ugh. Anyway, I was well and truly irrigated and had definitely had my horizons widened, put it that way. So, day 1 after the scope, I'm out delivering my 3-year old to kindergarten. It's a 20 minute walk if you're walking there with a buggy containing a 8-month old. I deliver my son. So far so good. I start walking home - uphill all the way - and about 10 minutes into the return journey, I start sweating, my guts start rumbling like really ancient plumbing and my bum hole starts having spasms. The horrible fact dawns on me that I'm not close enough to home to be able to relax because I have to go NOW! I take a couple of nano-seconds to calculate whether it's quicker for me to run downhill with the buggy to the local shopping centre and run into the loos there, or go uphill to my apartment, which is marginally closer than the centre. I go uphill, a Woman with a Mission - clammy fingers clasping the buggy handles. I stop every few meters to let cramps wash over me, then keep walking as fast as I can without straining! I've figured out that straining my stomach muscles will interfere with my main focus right now, which is quite simply not to stop clenching my bum hole! Ok, I get to the top of the hill, cross the road and have the last stretch ahead of me. At this point the cramps are constant, my bum hole is screaming that it can't hang on any longer, and I start running the Rubber Band Run (knees clamped together like there's a rubber band around them, lower legs flailing around and propelling me forward). By pure luck, a neighbour is just leaving our building so he holds the door open. I smile, yell "Thank youuuuu!" and sprint past him at top speed. My daughter's hair has blown into an interesting style reminiscent of James Brown (nice voluminous shape at the front after being blown back for the past 10 minutes by unusually fast transportation - she was probably just feeling cool in her new convertible). I know by this stage that I can forget even trying to get her out of her 500-point safety harness, so I leave her there on the first floor as I RUN up the stairs. I know lift-off will take place in 10 seconds and counting. I make it to the second floor. Oh thank god. As I approach the stairs to the third floor all hell breaks loose. "Houston, we have a problem." There is an almighty explosion followed by an ominously squealchy sound. Now you may think I was lucky to have made it almost to the third floor before this happened. Well, not really. I live on the fourth floor. So the last two flights of stairs were travelled at high speed, but with the added joy of worrying about leaving a snail-trail. I managed to open the lock to our apartment, ran into the bathroom and got into the shower fully-clothed. I peeled off all my clothes, showered myself off, left my clothes in there soaking and put on a bathrobe and slippers before running down to get my daughter. Thank god we're in a safe building with entirely safe neighbours. I couldn't believe that at the age of just over 30, I'd s*** myself. I can laugh at it now, but at the time I just thought "this cannot be happening!" Little did I know that this was the start of years of gut woes. But I learned to be very wary of the long-lasting effects of powerful enemas and intrusive medical procedures

ROFL

Yep i can relate to that

OMG, I am killing myself laughing because I have been there

At the time you think you'd rather die than tell someone but after all we've been through it's great to get a laugh!!

HAH I was in the hospital with a blockage, and they gave me the barium drink to do x-rays. My stomach had been silent for hours because it was all blocked up. After the x-rays, I just fell asleep, waiting until I felt that grumble and everything started moving again. So I awoke very groggy from my nap, as the Demerol had left me all but incapacitated, and I felt a warmth below me. I looked over at my mom, and she was just staring at me with the widest eyes. She goes, "Chelsea. You just let the loudest fart I have ever heard in my life. Get up and go check yourself." I moved, but quickly realized it was too late. My bed and clothes were soaked with this barium drink. Horrified, I whipped off all my clothes and threw a johnny on. I ran to the bathroom, and I could feel this demonic rumble all throughout my intestines. I proceeded to run back from my bed to the bathroom ever 2-3 minutes which was conveniently ALL THE WAY DOWN THE WARD.

It is Murphy's law that things will begin to move once you fall asleep and can't take IMMEDIATE action.

The good thing about talking to you guys is that we're all in the same boat. Looking back at horribly embarrassing experiences and being able to laugh at them helps us get over them
Got to tell you about a guy we know who suffered really bad Delhi Belly on holiday. He was told to take charcoal tablets, and after a couple of days he was feeling a lot better. Decided he'd go for a swim in the hotel pool. He stood on the diving board, looking confident and glad to be in sunshine rather than glued to the toilet (don't we know that feeling?). He dived into the pool, but as he propelled himself off the board, he clenched his stomach muscles in the process. Oooops. As his body was seen gliding underwater along the pool, a thick black trail appeared behind him like a condensation stripe behind an aeroplane. The whole pool had to be emptied and cleaned. Poor, poor guy. There, but for the grace of God....