Hiya everyone, I have just started a relationship with a new partner who has an ileostomy, and even thought I work in health-care and understand about stomas, I was wondering if anyone can give me any tips on how to make things easier? It would be great to help me undertand what he's going to be worried about in a relationship, is there anything that is off limits or uncomfortable or painful? His stoma really isn't an issue for me but are there ways I can help him be more relaxed about it?
Thanks a million
B x

Hiya! I only had my stoma for about 3 months.
My boyfriend used to tease me whenever my stoma, 'Stanly' decided to make himself known (especially in a restaurant, lol) but I was OK with that and it usually made me laugh.. find out whats OK with him
There will be embarrassing noises, maybe some weird bulges and every now and then there could even be a leak. Just remember they are probably very embarrassing for him, make sure he knows they don't bother you, if they really don't. If you can deal with that and get past it then you two should be fine.
The only discomfort I ever had was when my boyfriend and I stayed over a friends we had to camp out on his teeny tiny couch. I was on the outside and he was kind of holding me onto the couch. By morning I was cuddled into his belly but nearly falling off because the bag had so much gas in it and was pushing me away :P
Only other thing I can think of is with you being in the medical field. I used to get super irritated whenever I met up with any medical-type friends who would keep giving me stoma tips even though I said 'I know' a million times Not that I think you would do that, Just saying it was something that bothered me personally.
Since mine was temporary and I was feeling awful for a very long time after my surgery, I don't really have any intimacy advice. I think if it comes to that point and your worried you should just talk to him. Good luck!

Sarah

Thanks a lot for that, it was really helpful! I love the fact you had a name for yours!
I just want to make sure i can do as much to make him feel as comfortable as possible.... As far as my medical stuff goes, I'm training to be a dr so I know what a stoma is and how they're formed etc, but I wouldn't dream of giving advice about care!!
It's good to hear from people who seem to spend their lives living with their stoma rather than the stoma living with the person!
Thanks a lot!

That's very nice of you to register and ask about this!

For me, I think it was easiest when people were comfortable hearing about it, or at least, just open to it, if I wanted to make a mention of it. It pissed me off pretty well when some family members didn't want to hear about any of it. I know this stuff is gross to them and I didn't show how bothered I was. But I just wished they'd have tried to understand it a bit.

I mean, don't get me wrong, they were very supportive in other ways, taking me to the docs last minute, waiting in the waiting room for an hour with me, and then another hr while I was with the doc, but if they saw a picture or were gonna hear a word, forget about it!!

But, obviously, it would have gotten me to relax more about my situation and be more free around them if they were cool and free about it in that way.


Oh, and by the way, still trying to wrap my head around it only being boys who were grossed out by this and all the women I know asked questions and wanted to see it (!!)...