I feel useless! I am not able to work but I still try to do somethings because I would feel even more quilty if I can not do anything. Why should I even be here.
I know everything does not go right for everybody but it seems as though since it stresses me out so much that it is onething after another I am trying to have to take care of. A lot of it is my medical issues. trying to explain to doctors, getting the right care, medicine issues. I seem to have a real problem with communicating. Some is probably my fault b/c I am too wordy. Other times I think they are not really listening. I feel like I am speaking a different lanquage. How do you make your family understand that even though you are at home all day its not like a person with no health issues. I go to the grocery store once a week and try going to church once. Otherwise I am pretty much at home only being able to do things a little at a time. I have worked since I was in the 9th grade and even after having UC and operation. I was always able to puch myself. I think some of it might be I can't handle it as well b/c I am older (46)and additional problems with pouch orher than going so much. I get so stressed out when trying to take care of things. some I quess might be health added by personality. Just trying to type this stresses me. I've had the shingles,dealing with mom being by polar, dog 18yrs old and not in good shape but not time to put to sleep. more like a child b/c I was not able to have one. I will not harm myself but I am so tired I wish I could just lay down go to sleep and never wake up but God is not ready for me yet. Not sure where to go from here. I have always broken out but never itched. my hole body itches. I was put on meds. for anxiety by general doctor. alraady taking too much stuff with acephenemene and this says not good if you have problems with dirrehea. I don't but I go so often I would think it would be similiar. She is aware of my condition. then I get so many stories about the shing.es. right now I could be enjoying my nephew but his doctor said not to be around me.Other than God ! He is my ! life sory so long I just need some advice.

I have to admit, I had trouble following your train of thought too, so I see your point about trouble communicating. It seems like you are overwhelmed with medical issues, personal responsibilities, and a desire to be self sufficient. I also sense a feeling of being let down by people you expected to provide support- your mom, your friends, your doctors.

Perhaps a good place to start would be in trying to organize your needs/desires and prioritize them. Sit down and make some lists. Write down things you need to do and want to do. Number them in order of greatest need. For example- you could put taking care of your dog as number one, because he depends on you and he is like your child. Things that cause you anxiety or grief you can either give a low priority or even cross off the list. Sometimes just sitting down and making these plans can lift some anxiety. Order can be relaxing for some.

You may have to put your mom on the back burner, at least until you are stronger. I know what it is like to have a parent with a personality disorder. You may feel guilty, but you cannot fix her, and if she is screwing with your head, it is easier to deal with the guilt of ignoring her than with her crap.

It also seems that you might benefit from some talk therapy, rather than just getting more prescriptions. Therapy can help you gain insight and learn coping skills.

Good luck!

Jan

your first comment is very right. sounds like great advice. THANKS! yes I am very overwhelmed!!!! if you know anything about bipolar they can be upset and recover quickly. almost like two personalities. when somethng happens about her she recovers and its already done its damage to me. I also think I have to explain everything to everybody. It was like th at before having UC. I have found it really does not matter. they may even ask but not really care than I have waisted myself (energy) for no reason. my husband's work has a program of nurses to help suppose to be specialized in UC but I am thinking even if they are theydon't know much about a j=pouch so I am starting to think itis more stress for me to talk to them. I have to go back to 1985 a long time to cover.I am also typing on a laptop and not use to it so it is probably not helping my issue. me out more trying to talk to them. we had a three way call for her to help and still got nowhere as I still had to start over explaining. thanks!!hope you have a great weekend.

my husband wants me to take care of some things b/c I have more time but I can't remember or concentrate right now. I feel quilty if I don't do it and I don't think he understands.its difficult to explain to people that trying to take care of things stresses me out when it does not them. also its different b/c it to the bathroom you have to go with bowel problems and it confines you to one place. if it was my heart, etc I might be affected but in a different way. if I just had shingles I could cope.not being able to go to the doc. and get answers and then have to do so much research myself.

I agree that the lengthy explanations and war stories will fall on deaf ears. People only have so much time and patience. Even if they truly want to help,they can't if you eat up all their time with the explanation. And really, does it matter that much what has really happened in the past 25 years? Probably not. What matters is that you've had a boat load of real medical problems: UC, colectomy, j-pouch problems and more surgery, shingles, you name it. Top it off with a sick dog, crazy mom, and a husband who thinks that you just need to keep busy. Of course you are over whelmed!!

Make a face-to-face appointment with that nurse. Better than a phone appointment, because then you are not interrupted. Bring in a written "short version" of your history so she can get the general idea. She doesn't really need all the details. When you make the appointment, tell them you may need to use the restroom during the appointment. But, when you get there be ready to focus on how you are feeling now and how you would like to feel. Ask what steps you can take to learn how to cope and be more in charge of things. Don't expect miracles or a pill that will fix things, but a plan you can follow. You may need sessions with your husband so he can also learn what he needs to do to keep you moving forward without you feeling like he his pushing you off a cliff.

I'm not too good with psych things, so I am sure there are others here who can help you get a grip and be happy again. But, I am sure it is within you to get there. I can tell by what you write.

Take care and don't give up.

Jan

kk, I think we probably all can relate to some level.

For me, I have always strived for the simple life free of "excesses" etc... And as for attitude, on the tip of my tounge was always "I'll be fine". .. "go on don't worry" etc..etc....

That has all changed for me. I have been thru 5+ years when I haven't been fine. And I have been worthy of worry. It changes you.

My feeling is though that we have to roll with all this. We don't have the choice to say "no thank you". We just have to be tough and try to help one another.

And remember as rough as it is for us at times, just hop on the internet or turn on the tv or look around you to find others who have it even tougher.

Thanks Mike for your post. I don't have to get on internet or tv to know worse. I have a step-daughter that is quadraplegic. she was in a auto accident right before her 15th birthday. I don't say on me infact I am uaually still putting myself on the back burner and trying to help others. I feel quilty that I can't do much for my step-daughter that I could if I was healthy. Every time I have been sick I haven't just ran to the doctor but tried to keep on going until others took charge to get me to go. I also have a cousin in his twenties bit by a spider and after scratching it got an infection that went to his spine and he is paralyzed. NOw can walk but can't feel his legs,feet and other issues b/c of it. I'd rather him/and step-daugher get better than me. I don't think you meant bad by your last comment but I want to make sure anybody else reading my post does not get the wrong idea. I look at the posting to say hey this is what I am experiencing does anyone have any words that might help. I went for so long before knowing about this site. I think this with anything in life. If you haven't been through the same thing you don't realy know. there are all kinds of sickness but each is different. that is why I tell my step-daught that it would be good for her to talk to people that are paralyzed b/c we can try to understand what she goes through but we can't truely know b/c we have never been paralyzed and she experiencings so much more that not being able to walk just like we go through more than just pooping a lot. Right now I am struggling so much b/c other than being under weight nobody really knows what I experience. I look okay. I know for a fact that waht people can see they understand more. I was dying and trying to get to Mayo clinic yrs. ago but it was my mom that had a cast that people wanted to help. they just thought I was a skinny 12yrs. old when I was in the twenties. I am just trying to understand how to live with limitations when mky personality is to press forward no matter what but my body can't do the same. God bless you and I wish you the best!!!

I know what you mean. It is just plain exhausting having one thing after another happen that is like having to jump over hurdles for everything you need to do. You look in the mirror and you look the same, but you don't feel the same. Yet, everyone expects the same old you. You want someone to just say, "Relax, I'll take care of things. You just take care of you." Once in a while it is sort of nice to be babied I think.

The reality though is that we don't usually get what we want and need. Hopefully, just knowing that someone else "gets it" helps enough to get you through it. But, sometimes you need more. A therapist may not empathize like we might, but a therapist is trained to help you work through the issues so that you can learn coping skills. Anxiety and depression can be so suffocating.

Jan

kk- I know how you are feeling and it will get better. Jan's suggestion of talking to a nurse face to face is good advice. Finding a mental therapist, that knows how to deal with chronic illness and pain, would help as well, it's helping me to be in theraphy. Plus I'm on medication too.

I printed out a private message thread on here between me and someone else, highlighted the area's I wanted to make sure he read, and left it for my husband to read. I don't blame him for being frustrated as my take down was 13 months ago, I am too. I'm trying and doing everything I can to get rid of the pain and get my energy back. It doesn't help as I have other health problems too. He read it and isn't grumpy anymore.

You got shingles and stress is something that brings them on! It can take months to get over them and you can still feel the pain after you don't see the rash anymore. If you didn't care you wouldn't be so stressed.

There are some good discussions under "Rants" including discussing Mothers and others, PTSD, depression and/or anxiety. You might get some comfort in reading them and seeing that you are not alone in your feelings. As for my mother, my therapist and I decided she didn't deserve a relationship with me anymore. I'm doing better not having to deal with her craziness anymore. I need to be selfish and put myself first now so I can get better. I don't have to put up with her behavior, she is to put it simply "crazy and mean" and it's not my fault.

Please take care of you.