Hi Betsy,
I'm sorry to hear you're having some trouble with this, but you are not alone- many of us have been there too... I remember being depressed... I was disgusted with myself and my ileostomy, I felt like an outcast, and I felt like no one could possibly understand what I was going through. I was very depressed, didn't want to get out of bed, I refused to go outside of my house especially not to anywhere busy where people might see me, and I cried all of the time especially when my mom would leave the house for anything... I started taking an antidepressant and also talking to a therapist at the hospital... It helped to have a place I could go to where a person would just sit and listen to me rant or cry or whatever I was feeling that day. Eventually i felt better, and I feel good now... Its a struggle, but you have us behind you and we are here to listen and help whenever we can! I dont know what i would have done if i hadnt come across this website before my surgery- these people got me through some ttoouugghh times!

Hi Betsy, The first thing I was, was appalled. Since my ileostomy worked fairly well, learning the correct way to put on the appliance was my biggest hurdle and everytime it leaked I cried and hid in my room. A nurse said to me , Vicky you wash your hands after a bm, you wash after you empty your bag, there is no difference in that aspect. At work I was stressed and very aware, but no one else was. Don't tell anyone, really. I can't believe how my feelings have changed about it, now, I find I really don't understand such strong aversion, especially when it can really provide a better quality life than imaginable, if you have been ill for a long time. It is quite scientifically simple and clean, once you master it, actually cleaner than a butt, in my opinion. I am making up for lost time in life cause I'm not in there at all humphing or groaning in a bathroom. I confess, I am 51, being younger would definitely make it even more difficult to accept. But this bag has absolutely no impact on who or what anyone is about, unless you let it. I'm surprised by anyone who would stick with a j-pouch in pain for years because of such an aversion. I'm headed for a j-pouch and I dread having to go back in the bathroom, if it doesn't work, I will return to an ileostomy. Nah, I wasn't happy about any of it, could never see me writing this post when it first happened, no one could!
I did get counseling and that gives me a place to take my angst. Things improve when you feel better physically, if your struggling with illness all the time, an ilestomy (which is actually your temp. best friend), is magnified as the monster. Really try to utilize the break it gives you, knowing it will be gone. Vicky