Hey guys. I think I've lost my mind. I'm sitting here in my boyfriend's hardware store conversing with this cute little fuzzy yellow moth I rescued from a spiderweb. His name is Frank. Guess I just needed someone to talk to as I have been moping around all morning.
I had some really nasty pain about 6am this morning but come ON, I should be used to this crap by now. I'm pretty sure it was from my salad last night. Just too soon for lettuce.
It got worse, I took something, I can function again. But as I lay there in bed, all that kept going through my mind was this drivel:
I was good for 3-4 days, must be time for my newest problem!
If it wasn't for my doctors/surgery/medicine, I'd be dead!
I'll never be normal!
I'm a pooping freak!
And the MOST ridiculous one, which made me temporarily realize how silly I was being:
What if something horrible happens to the world and I have to start living off the land without power/hospitals/rite-aid??? I'd die for sure! Now I'm in this slump where I want to tell my boyfriend to go find a healthy girl, again, and just sit in my room and cry. I KNOW I'm being silly. I have been doing REALLY good the past few days and have made some very good decisions about my health. That should make me happy. Instead, I'm mad at the world. Oh well. Maybe I should talk to my doctor about a new antidepressant but I really don't want more medicine. I'm taking buspirone right now for anxiety.
I guess I'll just sit here and complain to Frank and hope no one notices. Poor Frank is kind of dumb and keeps walking off the end of my purse (in reality he is probably trying to escape from the psychotic giant who won't shut up)So I hope I don't accidentally step on him.

Sarah

Sarah,
I am from the poconos (North East Pa) If you need someone to talk to and have questions feel free to PM me and I will send you my number. I have been through it all (Never named a bug - Yet) but its hard for anyone to understand what you are feeling unless they have gone through it. Dont worry I am safe (no comments Bill, Todd or Janna) I am married and a state trooper so you should feel safe - again no comments you guys LOL!
But, if you need to unload I am here to listen... I am off work till oct as I just went to an end Illeo and some other work

Moths are good!!!!!

I'm thinking you're pretty damn normal. At least you realize you're talking to a moth. When the moth starts talking back - then it's time to worry.

Yep, time to reassess the meds. You may need a course of antidepressants to get you over the hump. It's NOT a step backward. This surgery and illness takes some mighty heavy fortitude and it's not a weakness to help yourself get out of the snake/moth pit you're sort of in. (I don't think you're all the way to the bottom of that pit yet.)

BTW - say hi to Frank for me. My moths also say to say 'hi' to Frank.

kathy

Thanks Jason. Unfortunately it's difficult to talk right now because of all the acid I'm having. Makes me even more nauseous. Can't even talk to Frank the moth anymore (He doesn't mind, he's eating my purse)
When I'm feeling better I'll have to take you up on that offer. Or maybe when I go to my next appointment to see Dr. Bannon in Scranton I'll just drive really fast, that way you can pull me over and we can talk. JK! Thanks
And Kathy - I said hi to Frank for you but, luckily for me, he didn't talk back
Sarah

Sarah...you have a wonderful sense of humor...even when you are feeling so bad. Why not keep a written diary of all this? "Conversations with Frank" In addition, do see your doc as suggested. You don't have to feel this way. There are wonderful meds out there to help. Keep writing to us! Best wishes for a quick resolution!

Hi Sarah!

I know you feel crazy, I've felt that way myself sometimes. Those thoughts about something horrible happening and having to "live off the land"? Believe it or not, I have them too. I think, I'll never make it if something happens. I think about people who were trapped in their homes or had to live in shelters for days/weeks after Hurricane Katrina. I used to think I was tough and could compete on Survivor or just survive on my own in the wilderness if necessary (used to love camping) but now I don't think I'd make it if my pharmacy closed down!

Just wanted to let you know that you're not crazy.

Hey Jason, my husband got a ticket coming home from a softball tournament in PA a couple of weeks ago. Hmmmm, I wonder........

Erin

LOL.. those darn staties! :-P

And I thought it was just me who had those irrational fears! Lemme tell you antidepressants are a great help when life overwhelms you. And when you have a handle on things again you can taper them down until you're off.

Hang in there and pretty soon you can upgrade to conversing with vertebrates.

Suzanne