Fluffy, I can only imagine what this has been like for you. YOu are a wonderful wife wanting to take care of your husband in any way you can, but the sooner you stop coddling him over emptying the bag the better. I had a visiting nurse 2x a week the whole time I had my temp ileo so I never changed the appliance on my own then (now have a perm ileo and have been doing it alone for almost 7 years). I get being afraid or frustrated or too angry to do the change.

But the emptying, well, he's just going to have to get over it. You have more important things to do to support his recovery than deal with emptying his bag. NOt to mention that it is much easier and less prone to accidents if you just do it yourself. As hard as it may be, you just have to refuse to do it. Leave the house if you have to and let him figure out how to manage; in the long run it is the best thing you can do for him.

Good Luck.

Again, thanks for your support and suggestions. I have stood my ground about emptying the bag, and he is handling it just fine. I can't imagine that anyone, no matter how well prepared for this surgery, can appreciate the emotional impact it has - on everyone involved. I read Rolf Benirschke's autobiography "Alive & Kicking" last summer - I reread it again the other day (it's fast reading) and really had a new understanding for what he endured - and all of you too.

Hi Fluffy,
It's so good to hear that your husband is adjusting. I too jumped in and handled alot of the bag emptying/changing for my daughter. In my mind, it was a temporary situation that I was willing to endure in order to get her to a better place...physically and mentally. She was physically and emotionally devastated after surgery; assulted by the quick course and shock of UC with the fact that she was now excreting from her abdoment into a bag. I thought that that given time, she would adjust and she did.

Here we are a year and a half later...she's away at college living her life, happy as can be again. This is not to say that life won't hand you disappointment in the future, but I just wanted to send you a message of hope from someone who's been a caregiver. Two other books I would recommend are by Rabbi Harold Kushner-"Why bad things happen to good people" and "Overcoming life's disappointments." They have helped me tremendously in learning how to pick up the pieces and gaining a new perspective in dealing with this disease and all that comes with it. I'm here if you ever want to PM me!
Elise

Good for you for standing your ground and making your husband take care of his ostomy. I'm sure once he gets more familiar with it things won't seem so bad. I too had a very quick decision to make, and I hated the fact that I was sick and needed surgery but I felt so much better physically after having my colon out that I wondered what I waited for.

It will take time for your husband to accept things but you are obviously a very loving, sensative, caring wife and that will go a long way in his healing.

Hi Fluffy,

Glad to hear that your husband is handling things on his own now. That Rolf Benirschke's book is great, isnt it? My stoma nurse gave me a copy to read while I was in for my takedown. It really should be required reading for anyone facing or having had any ostomy related surgeries!

Hope things continue to go well for you and your husband! Take care :-)

Bill