Man I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like crap. I can't remember the last time I had a good day. A good day now seems to be if I can suffer through the day without taking any narcotics. I don't sleep more then a couple hours at a time, (that's being generous). I must have at least 15 bottles of prescriptions in my nightstand. Between the BB and fissures, I throw up the pain is so bad. Thats not mentioning the everyday gas pain and cyst pain. I feel like I'm 90. Unfortunately I live with a not very sympathetic fiancee, who only seems to be understanding if I'm in the hospital with a minimum of 6 tubes coming in or out of me. He thinks I bring all this on myself. If I just took better care of myself I wouldn't be sick. The other day he said, "I bet you never even had UC, you were probably just lactose intolerant the whole time." Most of the time his comments are so idiotic I can't even reply to them, (however I do find giving him the finger behind his back, makes me feel better ) If I do respond, it usually comes out in a rage. I can count how many times I have screamed at another human being on one hand in my entire life. All 5 times were at him. Usually when it happens, I don't even know where it comes from. I just kind of snap. As soon as it comes out of my mouth, I think, holy crap, where did that come from? The other really weird thing...when I have these outbursts, it always includes the "F" bomb. This word is not in my everyday vocabulary. This used to happen to me when I was all steroided out. It must be a subconscience stress thing. Or I'm just really tired. Or I just really hurt. Or I'm just sick of being sick. Thanks for listening....or reading.

I'm sorry things are going so badly and it is extra hard when the significant other doesn't want to know and doesn't believe you! I had that with some family and my LAST boyfriend. One day he actually had the nerve to say his hemmoroids hurt and I almost bit his head off. I don't know where it came from either, I said HEY when they rip yours out and build you a new one we will talk! Hang in there and I hope you get some relief soon. People that have never been sick just don't have a clue. I don't ever wnat them to experience what we have but.... maybe then they would be a little more understanding and supporting. FEEL BETTER SOON!

Cataja,

My heart goes out to you. I know what it's like being so tired, sick and in pain that you just don't know what to do. I am sorry you are going through all this. We all hope that once we rid ourselves of the colon that things will be smooth sailing but unfortunatly for some of us that isn't the case.

Yes, I would imagine that your outbursts are because you aren't getting enough proper sleep and you are tired from the pain too.

I wish I had some magic words for you but I don't. I like to have a good cry every now and then, it's definetly a release and cleansing for the soul.

Hi! Cataja

I agree with Christine, a good cry does wonders! I think we all know where you are coming from with all the suffering. I have been married almost 20 years to Frank. He is a wonderful husband. He knew what he was getting into when we were dating. Thru the years a trip to the ER did not bring too much compassion, mostly because I ate the wrong thing so I brought it on myself.

Well, last year my husband had surgery for cancer. I plyed nurse with him. I knew all the little things to do to make the hospital stay better. Now he almost totally understands how I feel. All of the compassion is back. So, I guess your boyfriend has to walk a mile in your shoes. Let's hope they are 4 inch pumps!

My husband always makes me laugh. I think it is the best medicine. Right after surgery, my husband was at my bedside and the stoma started gurgling. Frank asked "when will the coffee be done?" Of course, it hurt to laugh! I love to watch the comedy chanel while riding the exercise bike. This can also help you have a positive outlook.

You are most likely snowed in and could use a little sunshine. This can be depressing. I have family in International Falls. The snow is unbelievable! My aunt is stuck inside, so she paints the house every winter.

I take Ultram for pain. It gives you a little burst of energy. So, I get more things done around the house. That makes me feel better.
I hope you feel better soon.

Hi Cataja,

I'm so sorry that you are still struggling. It really doesn't help to have a partner who is less than sympathetic (been there with my ex) so I can imagine that you are also feeling very frustrated with him as well as your ill health.

I don't have any words of wisdom to offer you, just my support and best wishes for a resolve to all this for you.

Hang in there.

Luv & hugs

Shell

Just being tired by itself is enough to make me cranky! Add it with all the other stuff and I can totally understand where you're coming from. But unless someone else has had to deal with something like this they tend to think we're just whinning.
I hope you feel better soon. Have you tried DermaWheat for your fissures? That has really helped me a lot.

I am so sorry you are feeling down and out. Dump his a**. They key to having a successful recovery I think is having support from the people you are close too.. His atitude cant be helping you at all, we did not ask for this, this disease does not discriminate it can hit anyone at anytime.

I will pray for you.

Take Care

Well, first off, I think you have every right to be frustrated with not feeling well. That in itself is enough to make you have a short fuse...Not having an understanding and supportive partner is the crappy icing on the crappy cake. Not that you are asking for relationship advice, but I agree with Anthony! I dated this guy when I was 18 and sick as a dog with UC. One time (pre hospital) I was so weak from loss of blood and not being able to eat, I literally did not have the energy to talk. He was driving me home to my mom so she could take care of me, (then take my butt immediately to the hospital once she saw how sick I was) and I remember him getting frustrated with me b/c I couldn't engage him in conversation on the drive!!! Idiot alert!!!! My sweet wonderful little dog was sitting on my lap, he was acting like his usual idiotic self making jokes while I'm struggling to breathe, and I just remember her growling at him when he tried to touch me. haha. Gotta love animals. I dumped his sorry a** soon after that b/c he decided it was a good idea to go on vacation with his family while I was in the hospital!!! Now I have a guy who is so incredibly sweet and supportive, and makes every effort to understand what I'm going through. He is always there with me and he takes care of me without making me feel sick. I think we all deserve that kind of love.
I hope you feel better and I hope your man steps up and starts treating you like the queen you are.

Your fiance does not appear to be doing very well in the "for better or for worse" category. I would suggest counseling (when you can leave the house and sit for the sessions), as his behavior already has you resenting him. I know this puts a strain on a relationship, because my partner wears thin on occasion (mostly from her own stressors), but luckily she is my very best supporter, even on a bad day. I tend to agree with what someone else said, you may need to reassess if this is the person you want to spend your life with. What he is doing amounts to mental cruelty, and you must not feel you have to put up with it.

I, too, believe certain foods are worse than others when it comes to butt burn, itching, and irritating fissures. However, even after 5 years, I am still trying to track what I can and can not eat, as it seems to be an ever-increasing list. I can lose anywhere from 30 minutes to an entire day when my fissures and the butt burn are flaring. . . like today. I have already taken one vicodin, a bentyl, and three hits off the MMJ pipe. (WA is a medical marijuana state, and thank goodness my gastro filed the necessary paperwork for me!)

If this problem is as bad as it sounds and you are unable to work or sleep, I also recommend teaching yourself deep-breathing and relaxation. It can help you 'ride out' the pain when it gets really bad. I actually conditioned my brain to fall into a relaxation breathing pattern to certain of my favorite songs . . .so when I play them they go right to work telling my brain I need deep breathing and a gentle rhythm to get me through it.

I will be thinking of you . . . we seem to be suffering the same entity.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Debra,

Thanks for the support.

Cataja,
Feeling tired is the precursor for everything in my opinion.
Are one of those pills you have for sleep?
I know when Chris was really sick and I didn't get sleep I snapped at everyone.
I take klonopin and I sleep 8 hrs, used to be 6 or 7 but without all the outside stress I sleep longer. It makes all the difference in how everything else is. I have other pain issues but I deal with them much better not being tired.
I hope you can get some rest and start feeling better soon.

Cataja I feel so bad for you.I hope that soon you`ll see the rainbow through the clouds.

Dear Cataja,

Somehow I missed your post when you first put it on the site.

I feel for you, friend. I remember when you first joined us and the struggles you have survived, with so much strength, while still finding the compassion to empathize with others who were struggling, too.

You deserve some sunshine in your life, both literally and figuratively.

I would never presume to advise you on the fiance situation, but I do wish, so strongly, that he would just turn around his attitude and start showing some compassion and real love for you. I'm sorry, but he's being a real jerk, and I'm glad that this forum is here for you to vent.

Maybe it would help you to talk to a pastor, a mental-health counselor, a therapist, someone who can help you deal with all of this unpleasantness and get through it? I don't know, it just sounds like you deserve, and need, some help with this guy and this entire situation.

In the meantime, I have found that prayer ALWAYS helps. So you will be in my prayers.

Good luck and better days!