I did it...I went to my surgeon today and said I had decided to have the perm. ostomy and pouch excision and that I wanted it done ASAP upon returning from my trip next week. So May 6th is the day!!! Crazy! I have two purple sharpee x's on my stomach that I have to place before and after the shower each day until surgery. I feel relief, but also some fear. I know that the ostomy could mean a better of quality of life but I still feel a real sense of loss. I think most people here understand that. But regardless of the loss I feel, I can't take away a healthy me anymore from my husband and new baby. They deserve a me that is there and happy and healthy. I feel like I am doing this more for them than for myself. They have lost enough of me to my pain and suffering. It is time for them to recieve back. Thaks for all your support and advice.

Marcene, I am behind you all the way and anything I can do to help, just say the word. I'm still in the hospital (day 13), but will be home in 2-3 days I hope. I have one concern however, you need to do this surgery for you and only you. You can't ever look back and have any regrets.
All my support is with you, contact me anytime!
Cheryl

Hi Marcene,

It's only natural to be scared. I can only echo what Cheryl has said in that you have to do this for yourself not just because you think your loved ones want it. However I suspect that you also want to be well enough to enjoy your new baby and husband and that's something you obviously feel you can't do while you are so sick.

You will still grieve and feel that sense of loss even if it is your own decision and that is something that only time will heal. We will all be here to help you through that and the transition to ostomy life. If there is anything that I can help with or even if you just need to talk just ask. I'm more than happy to help in any way I can.

I was very lucky to have a couple of good friends on this site in JillM and Gill (Welsh Witch) who had been through the same thing and just talking to them really helped. Apart from them I didn't know anyone else who had been through this so I did feel rather lonely and isolated. You are in the much luckier postion having so many people here who have been through this and can help to guide you through.

Take care and come here often with any questions or just to offload. That's what we are here for.

Luv & hugs

Shell

Hi Marcene, I was in the same boat a year ago. I was tired of being sick. My sixteen year old daughter has grown up with me ill since she was three. What hurt me the most is when she could read my face and know I was having a terrible day; I would retreat to my room and she would go to hers. I finally decided I had had enough, so I scheduled my surgery(05/04/07). I had no complications and only spent six days in the hospital. My recovery at home was more uncomfortable than painfull. Seven weeks later, I traveled to San Diego to visit my brother. I was able to enjoy myself and my family without any pain or frequent trips to the restroom. I also ate everything I had stayed away from in the past. It felt so good to be able to enjoy the simple things. If I had the chance, I would go back in time and have my j-pouch romoved just to get back lost time with my family. I know the decision is hard and full of stress, but it will make a big difference for you and your family. Take care.

Hi Marcene, I know what you are going thru. I had my surgery 2 wks ago yesterday (April 4th). Yesterday I acknowledge had a day I was happy to be an ex-j poucher and free of being sick with pouchitis all the time. I am still sore and getting use to the bag, but all in all I am glad I am on the road to recovery. I wasn't as anxious for the surgery, my husband and kids were. So I too felt I was doing it more for them - glad I listened - it can only get better. Good Luck and get well soon.
Jan C

Marcene,
Best of luck to you.

I just had mine removed too, and back to the perm ileo back this past 3/11.

I can't tell you how good I feel again physically, but having a harder time getting used to the appliance this time. I know it's just a matter of time, but I'm not known to be very patient!

How quickly we (I) forget how miserable life was with the pouch when (which was always with me) sick, while adjusting to something new.

I love the fact that I don't have to worry about falling asleep somewhere, (on the couch at the inlaws, on a plane, at work , etc.) I eat literally ANYTHING I want now without worry, I can drink beer again without worry, and I sleep pretty much through the night...

//Todd

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I know that this is right for me as well as for my family. I just got back from a trip to see my sister in law graduate from college and after sitting for long hours and being on the go visiting family and friends it only confirmed to myself and my husband that we are doing the right thing. On top of all that... yesterday I found another fistula! The time has come. My sister is staying with us for the summer and flew back from our trip with us. It will be nice to have an extra hand and my husband is able to get work off easily without consequence. All set, just dreding the adjustment, pain, and not being able to play with and pick up my little 7 month old boy. I'm sure you will be hearing from me frequently as I adjust and heal.

GOOD LUCK on Wednesday.

It has worked out great for me and will for you too.

Marcene, I really wish you the best of luck. I know exactly how you feel about all of this. I had my grieving period where I cried every single day, but it got better. Now I look at the ostomy, and I'm just so excited to do all the things my pouch prevented me from. I'm going to travel, I'm going to horseback ride, I'm going to hike- what I'm saying is, the ostomy will change your life like you couldn't even imagine. Healing is ROUGH- but it's worth it.

Just saw this...Good luck tomorrow Marcene! While I'm sure recovery will be difficult, I think you'll be happy in the end to have your life back so you can be healthy when your little one learns to walk!

Just adding to the good luck wishes for tomorrow Marcene. Everything is crossed for a smooth operation and an even smoother recovery. Looking forward to hearing your update.

Luv & hugs

Shell

Marcene, good luck with everything. I hope you have a smooth, speedy recovery, but please don't rush things like Todd did!

Marcene,
Best of luck to you tomorrow... will be thinking about ya!

//Todd

Marcene,
Hope everything went smoothly and you are recovering. We would love to hear from you when you are ready. All the best to you!!!
Cheryl

Well I appreciate all the kind words of encouragement from the board. I got home yesterday. The surgery went well but recovery has been...well you all know what recovery is. I always stress out upon coming home because I feel like I need someone to care for me and it never works out as planned. No matter what my husband says about his time off or half days he always stays at work longer or commits to things when he said he would be caring for me. That was a small vent....my husband does so much but I don't want him to do laundry and dishes...I want him just to be with me. That's hard for him. He's a "can't sit still type" and I'm a "please just sit still and listen to me" type. I just got all my supplies from hollister so I feel set. Just waiting for my first change at home.
Pain medicine is a God send...what did people do without it...drink I guess? Trying to stay upbeat and not drive my family away. Love to all!