What I'm really concerned about lately is not having enough resources to survive post-post-op. What I mean by that is it's been almost two years since my surgery, but I still don't feel recovered. Of course there's always something to deal with. I've been in and out of the hospital for the last two years for both intestine and not intestine-related ailments. Mostly the former, of course, for me it's nearly impossible to stay hydrated. Right now I'm on medical leave for another week and I'd like to get a lot better before I go back to my somewhat stressful full-time job. Ever since I've been out of the hospital the most recent time (just over a week) I've been so weak and so tired, and being on leave with nothing to do hasn't done anything for me. I lost a lot of muscle being in between surgeries for a year and I've never gained it back, although after my J-pouch was closed I did gain back plenty of non-muscle weight on my body. I've been trying to work on losing weight, but that has been significantly difficult in my sedentary lifestyle. The only thing that helps me feel better when I'm sick is to lie down, and then I feel too weak to exercise, etc. The only other person I actually know who has had this surgery is twenty years my senior and has run a marathon since her surgery so I don't get to talk to her that much about these issues. Will I ever be strong again? Is it possible for me to lose weight? I feel like that will help me stay out of the hospital. Since I can't eat actual apples to keep the doctor away. Well, not the peel anyhow.

Baby steps. It is like you have to start all over again to regain strength and vitality after this surgery. For me, it was a full year before I felt that I had some decent strength. When I first came home from the hospital, I lost so much muscle mass I could barely make it up the 3 steps to my front door because my legs were so weak and shaky. I had to force myself to get out and move several times a day. My natural instinct was to lie on the couch or bed. I did plenty of laying around too, but made sure to get some movement in several times a day. Maybe it helped that I had young kids at home who needed me. Pretty hard to make your kids fend for themselves.

I've had my share of medical challenges over the years, and each time, I felt like it was starting over when it was time to recover. I tried to not think of it as being sick, but recovering. Part of recovery is pushing yourself to get back into a normal routine. At first it is impossibly hard, and each day gets a bit easier. Finally, you get to the place where you are back to baseline.

Good luck. I know what it is like...

Jan

Kelsey,
It is hard and lonely when there is no one around to help you through it and give you advice...Jan is right, it is all baby steps...set an alarm for once and hour and make yourself get up and walk back and forth across your apt or up and down the stairs if you have some or around the block...just short distances...I used to force myself to bring only 1 thing at a time to the table so that I had to walk back and forth to the kitchen 10xs...now I do the same with the stairs and go up and down 20-35xs a day, unimaginable post op. Have you had your iron checked? A biggie for me was my getting enough iron and other trace minerals, now I take good suppliments, juice veggies & fruits, eat tons of healthy nuts and dried fruits and walk, walk, walk.
1 sit-up is better than none. So is 1 push-up...take it a day at a time and set yourself goals for everything from touching your toes to doing your own laundry...and if possible, walk to the store or park as far away from wherever you are going and walk the extra block...it is all tiny little stuff but it adds up.
Sharon

Yes, baby steps. It very seriously is one step at a time, sometimes multiple times. But each time I've done this I've gotten a bit stronger in the end. Walking is one of the best things to do for yourself. I often start with just one minute at a time, morning and afternoon, then bump it up a minute at a time until I get to two ten-minute sessions, when I switch to one 20-minute walk. Then I build up slowly from there.

I know many who run after the surgeries, but I don't. I get to uncomfortable with everything bouncing around inside there! But walking, Pilates, biking, gardening, and so forth are great.

Just a tiny bit at a time; you really will get there!

Gin

Thank you for your replies! I really appreciate it. I went for a twenty minute walk the other day, I usually do a wii fit routine (that counts, right?) and some yoga/stretching/strengthening for like twenty minutes a day. This weekend I haven't done either one of those, I have a cold now. Thanks to my boyfriend who works with kids.
I find it easy to make excuses for myself being sick. I haven't been as reliable a person since my surgeries. Truth is, I feel a little sick every day, but I can usually get out of bed and deal with it. Sometimes I really don't feel like it. Then there are the days where I genuinely do feel too sick to move, and they're all kind of blending together because of the depression that can go along with illnesses. My sleeping patterns are all messed up and I become lonely because no one is awake when I'm awake and vice versa. I don't talk to many of my friends because I don't like to sound the alarm when I'm in the hospital. I recently got in trouble with friends for not telling them I was hospitalized, and missing parties because of my illness.
There's a lot of pressure to be doing much better than I am. When I see people my own age who have graduated and have careers when I got pulled out of school for surgery the beginning of my junior year. So I forgive myself because I was sick, but then on the other side I see people like my friend's mom who is healthier after her surgery and I wonder where I'm going wrong.

Kelsey,
First off, no two people are the same, especially when it come to disease and illness...you have your own body and it has its own way of healing...you also have your own physical and emotional history that you carry around with it...so stop comparing yourself to others or you will drive yourself nuts...
Next...if you begin to comapare yourself to healthy friends you will have a full blown breakdown!!!
I go for long walks when it is nice out and I try to do my best to keep in shape and then I see these other women who are zipping past me at 6xs the speed and looking back at me like I am a lazy so-and-so...and I want to scream at them, 'if you had what I have had then you would be lucky to still be standing!!!' but I can't scream it or they would lock me up.
When I am in a funk I think about where my friends all are now, the ones who built businesses while I was building a pouch, who got married and had a handful of kids while I was going from surgery to surgery and of course the ones who built houses and traveled and invested their money and made fortunes and then there is me. The one who spent a lot of time and money on her abdomen, her surgeries and her doctor bills...and who no longer has a successful business, a house or kids of her own...or a healthy pouch.
When I go to that dark place then I know that things are bad...but I don't let myself because there is always worst off, sicker, more handicapped or less lucky than me (yes, I am very lucky...I have a husband and step family and a roof over my head)...
So, let yourself mourn, suffer and be blue...then get back up and do another wii workout or a yoga stretch and keep going...we are all like sharkes...we have to keep moving to stay alive.
Sharon