Hi guys...I am just boiling here, haven't been able to function normally for weeks...I was State-side for a holiday (arghhh) and saw my parents 6xs...we acted like our usual dysfunctional selves, living in 1950's T.V. family land when on the last visit mommy dearest blew her top and gushed out a lava of the horrors of having had me as a child...ok, I was born and grew up sick...not my choice...I survive multiple surgeries, the living hell of IBD, full blown incontenence, a list a mile long of other medical conditons plus and all of the refusals and rejections of the medical community to help me.
Mom hates me. No contest, no nuance, no subtilty. All out hate. According to her I was an awful child from the age of 12...that I 'changed' (isn't that what adolecence is for???), got friends, started going out (yes, incontinent and shi--ing blood), got a paper route and managed to keep up grades and babysit nightly...I was a good kid, all be it sick. I could barely make it out of the house without ending up in ER or O.R. so I did what most sickies did..read, wrote and dreamt of a real life...no drugs, sex or unwanted pregnancies...no nasty bdyfreinds etc...yet I am being hated for having survived my illness, having made a life for myself, having survived my life.
Why, oh why with all the hell that we poor colon-challenged people go through do we have to live with family hate and anger and resentment...didn't I loose enough of my life and body parts...do I also need to carry the burden of family anger and hatred too? I often wished that I hadn't been born...now I know why.
Sorry for this long winded rant but I am hurting and don't know who else will understand buy you.
Sharon

This message has been edited. Last edited by: skn69,

I'm sorry that you don't have the support from your family, especially a mom. I grew up sick a lot, my parents should have known when I had meningitis at 8 months. They stuck by me through it all though. I couldn't imagine coping without their support.

Sharon - Are our mother's related? I wasn't sick when I was a child but have lived my entire life with a mother that resents me as she has to be the center of attention. She was the total toxic parent after my folks got divorced.

I was all alone, an only child. I too read alot, made great grades, babysat and did all of her anal housecleaning and laundry. I even paid the bills and balanced her checkbook starting at age 10. She verbally and physically abused me. Back then the mother always got the child in a divorce. At age 13 I moved in with him and my wonderful step-mother and my mother has never forgiven me. Not because I left but how it looked to her friends that she didn't have custody.

After step #1 and 15 days in the hospital my daughter's family, including a 6 month and 4 year old boys, son and his fiance and mom came for thanksgiving. They all live over 4 hours away. I still had visiting nurses coming, an infection under my incision, bag problems, pain and you know felt like hell. My husband and the girls made dinner. My mother and I got into a big fight and she left. My husband said he's sick of it going on for the 35 years he's been around. He refuses to even talk to her anymore.

We want our mother's approval and love but I've realized I'm never going to get it. One thing I learned from her was how not to be a mother. I had a son with a heart problem at birth. She actually said if he was going to be sick his whole life it would probably be best if he died. (Sound like anyone you know?) All is well now and he is her favorate.

Sorry I didn't mean to turn this into my rant. I just so related to your rant, can't sleep and the pain pills don't get rid of all my pain. Guess I'm having a pitty party!

You have been a big help and very supportive to me. She must be jealous that you are a better person than she is. Aren't you lucky you have an ocean in-between you and her?

Toughenough,
I laughed out loud for the first time in weeks...yes, they must be twins! Was it the generation? Was it the 60's and 70's? I don't get it...with all of the people that I know who are truely nasty to their parents and still get all of this unconditonal love back...I am jealous! (yes, right!)...I spent my childhood overcompensating for being sick, ill, spoiling her party, fun, life etc...being the good kid, following the rules, never raising my voice...And yes, cooking and cleaning and doing laundry etc...only to be told at my wedding that she hoped that I never had children because she was too young to be a grandmother!
Appearence mattered most to her and a child with a bag just didn't fit the picture, nor did leakage in public or any other type of dirty-nasty accident...so she taught me how to camoflage my body and self, never show my true feelings or fears and be the perfect hostess so that I could catch a man before he figured out that I was sick! (Barbie doll with Barbie butt)...(sell me off to the highest bidder?)...don't we have enough burdens to bear without adding this awful parental hatred and resentment to the lot?
I survived the pain, disease and surgeriesµ..not sure if I am going to survive the toxic mommy. No wonder that I put an ocean between us...it was the only way to feel safe!
I am angriest because she took dystelbene while pregnant with me along with other stuff...was the cause of most of my problems and a medical professional to boot...she made rather bad choices for me medically, often causing things to get worse and until I took over at 12 and went door to door begging for a cure/fix and took control of my med condition...She hated me more for that and never forgave me for getting a k pouch...tried to talk the doc out of it but I was over 18...(no visible signs of illnes on the outside! don't forget appearences!)
So,yes..I am trying to rant this out before I eat the whole kitchen and start munching on the walls!
Thanks for listening even if you are all sick of me.
Sharon

Oh Sharon (and toughenough), I am so sorry to hear you have had this relationship with your mothers. Just can't find the words to express my horror at anyone going through such illnesses being treated like you have by your own mothers.

Thanks NancyAnn.

It's not Sharon's or my fault that we got the mother's we did. Sharon I know what you say about marriage. When I told my mom that I was getting married she said, "Oh, I'd always hoped you'd marry a professional man." I said "he has a profession he's an Engineer". She said, "well I meant a doctor or lawyer". Of course now she thinks engineers are the greatest as my son has his BS and Master's in electrical engineering - you know the one that she thought might be better off if he died because of his heart problem.

My mom and I are just oil and water.

Sharon, what you've been up against your whole life is incredible. It's as if you've risen to the occasion more than once DESPITE your mother, not because of her. You are one strong woman.

Sharon,
we can NEVER be sick of you!
I'm very sorry you had such a tough life with your mother....you probably are a stronger and better person than she!
You're lucky to have made sure you were not close geographically....It's too bad she lost out on having what could have been a terrific relationship with a terrific daughter, who just happened to be sick thorugh no fault of her own.....Don't let her get to you!

while my mom was helpful and wonderful during my illness and we have a good relationship, I believe there is something generational there because she expects that for that support I must live my life the way she thinks I should. God forbid I make a decision she disagrees with, I'll hear about it for months. We are planning to add on to our house and I have stopped telling her anything about it since she is totally against it.

There is a great line in the movie "Alexander" that we quote to describe my mom "it's a high rent she charges for nine months lodging."

Sorry, Sharon. I was hoping that your holiday here would be a happy one since you really can't travel a lot. You are a love and you have always brightened my day.

My problems, as you know, is my sister and she hated that I was the center of it all with my problems. Said I deserved to get sick, etc. All the lovely stuff you want to hear when you are praying to either get through it or die quickly.

Some people are just toxic. They hate because they can. My husband's mother is the same way. Screw 'em. Let them rot in their horrible, narrow minded lives. No matter what we go through, we are better for it and we have ten times better a life then they ever will!!

All my love and thoughts go your way, my dear!
Take Care
Susan

The holiday was ok, its the family that sucks! ...Sometimes I envy chickens...oh, to be hatched instead of born!
Once she pushed me out of the nest, why couldn't I just fly away and forget?
Next time I want top come back as a differnt sort of mamal...
Sharon

JillM - thanks for sharing the saying - sums things up great!