Hi guys, I'm new here!
I'm not exactly a forum-internet-sharing type of person, but I've been struggling with sharing the entirety of me & my boyfriend's story to friends just simply because I think they find it too overwhelming. Truthfully I'm also not looking for people to feel sorry for us.
Here goes: In August my boyfriend (we'll call him Auz) started to develop what we now know were the first signs of UC. As I'm sure you all know, it starts with cramping and diarrhea, and progresses to fever and chills, coupled with painful hemorrhoids.

He saw a doctor after about three weeks, who put him through a stool culture test, but declined to give him a referral to a gastro because we were leaving the city to start university again in September. After we got to school, he started the whole process over again, and was finally given a referral for a colonoscopy at the beginning of October.
In the meantime, he continued to get worse, couldn't attend school and eventually his parents had to come out and start looking after him.

Skip ahead 10 days to the colonoscopy: the day my world turned upside-down. The results ended up in a hospitalization and emergency colectomy two days later after a 12 cm bowel perf. A three week hospital stay (after lung complications requiring a drain), and he was back home with his parents.

I'm still here in school, he's 1000km's away and he was recently hospitalized two days ago with two abscesses. I'm knee deep in the end of the semester work, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. His mental health has deteriorated faster in the past two days than I have ever seen it, and I have no clue what to do. I ache for him, and for the anger I know he feels. I have never hurt this much for someone else before in my life, and I would do anything to alleviate his pain and my own at this point. We've been together for six years, and I'm really not sure how to navigate this 'new normal'.

If you've stayed with me from the beginning of this post, thanks, I know it was long. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from this, perhaps just a place to finally tell the whole story without a counsellor constantly interrupting me with "and how does that make you feel?".

Hi Mary,
So sorry that you and you BF are living through this hell...I know that it is the begining of the hardest part of his life but if they caught it all 'in time' then maybe his new normal won't be so bad in the long run...you didn't say whether or not they have discussed a j pouch or if he has an end ileo or loop for the moment...one way or the other a j pouch should probably be offered once he is up to it and he should be able to 'go back to a normal life' afterwards...for now he is in the middle of a living nightmare and he is going to be pissed as a wet cat then either sad, depressed or feel lucky depending on how he handles things...he will need tons of support, talk therapy (by family, friends of professionals) and to sign up here for help for both the technical and emotional issues that he will be dealing with in the near and distant future...
On your end...yes, it hurts bad. But the best thing that you can do is work hard to finish this semester, get good grades and then get on a plane out there...do not guilt yourself into failing your exams...you need good grades to build a future...and he needs you to 'not give up your life' for him but to continue your life with him...so be there by phone, email and the rest but keep studying too.
The end of the semester is not far off and then you can be there with him.
P.S you can ask us any questions that you might have about what to expect once you get there and see him.
Hang in there
Sharon

Depression and PTSD can occur with this disease. If your boyfriend hasn't talked with his doctor about it, he should.

You should post this in the General Discussion Forum because many more people will see it and you'll get more responses. Most people don't get this far down the forum list.

I'm so sorry that you and your boyfriend and his family are all going through this. As Sharon said, feel free to ask questions and post your concerns. This is the best group of people on the planet. They will help you and your boyfriend through this process.

kathy

Im sure you're already doing this but sometimes simply telling him how much you love and miss him is enough. When you see him shower him with affection. The problem with these diseases is that they can sap us of our self-esteem to the point we can't quite imagine how someone could still love us. It's a phase though and eventually with your help he will get through it.

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