"She's finally getting back to her old self again after a very, very long road of recovery. She's eating again, gaining some weight back, hanging out with friends...so why am I so sad?"

I think it's great your daughter is doing well. She's really accomplished a lot. Thank God and I pray she continues on the path of a good recovery.

Many of my friends and family worry about me. It often bothers me that they worry so much. We can only take things one step at a time and let God take care of the rest. Personally, it really stresses me when people worry about me. Hence I sometimes shelter them when things are bothering me. I have enough to worry about and find in hard to comfort those worried about me.

I don't mean to be harsh and I understand that the worry stems from love... but leave the worrying to God and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Enjoy your daughters good health. Your daughter is a fighter and has prevailed. Be thankful.

I am not saying any of this to be offensive. I am walking in the shoes of the patient. I do not have children and when I've expressed this to other mothers they discount my words and say I don't understand since I'm not a mother. So maybe I'm not qualified to speak on this topic, but I did feel compelled to tell you the perspective of a person recovering from all these ailments.

Elise,
I'm sorry I didn't read all the threads to this message and missed yours. I'm sorry about your son, he is so young. I'd be a mess if I were you. However, there are a lot of people on this site that have gone through what he is going through. I think children are somehow a lot stronger than we think. It's probably harder on you. I'll keep your son in my prayers. Hang in there, he'll be depending you your strength.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gutless Wondergirl,

Aaron's mom...my heart breaks for you because you are living my current fears. I'm sure this is so devastating to your son as well as your entire family. Why did he lose his jpouch and when will you know if his ileostomy is permanent? How old are your other 2 children? I hope that you'll continue to turn to the wonderful people on this site...there's an aweful lot of compassion, understanding, and support from people who truly know what you're going through.

I do have a son to worry about too; he's healthy so far (I think gutless wondergirl got our sons confused), but I worry that he will get sick too. One thing that is helping me to feel more in control of the situation, is to be active on this site, and to research as much as I can about UC and Crohn's disease because knowledge is power. You don't feel like such a victim if you become more informed.

We all hope that our children's or husband's, or wive's, or loved ones's surgeries will be successful forever, but what if...? These are the cards they've (we've) been dealt and what do we do now? I cherish and appreciate each day that my daughter is healthy, treat it as the blessing that it is because we all know how quickly our lives can change.

As a parent, (or maybe mother..please don't take offense dad's), worry is ingrained in us so deeply that it's what I do right after I breathe. It is a fine line that I walk and try to give her lots of room, but also that closeness so that if she does have a problem, she knows she can come to me. I try really hard not to smother her.

Gutless wondergirl...

"I don't mean to be harsh and I understand that the worry stems from love... but leave the worrying to God and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Enjoy your daughters good health. Your daughter is a fighter and has prevailed. Be thankful."

...thank you for writing, and if I knew how to leave the worrying to God, I'd have alot less gray hair Like I said to Aaron's mom, I am trying to revel in her current good health and keep my worries to myself, but I don't know that the feeling of waiting for that next shoe to drop will ever go away. It's stories like Aaron's Mom's that keep me on my guard.

I sometimes look back at those first few posts that I wrote and think, "I wish I hadn't exposed myself so completely," but now that I've decompressed a little, I think it's really important for people to acknowledge what they've been through in order to make peace with it and begin to see life through a clearer lense and maybe help someone else who's turning to you for compassion and support.

Sorry this is so long, and if you've made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts.

quote:

Why did he lose his jpouch and when will you know if his ileostomy is permanent? How old are your other 2 children?

Elise,
The doc's had been discussing going back to an illeostomy for a while, but my son went in on valentines day to have a dillitation done and they punctured his pouch. Two days later on Feb. 16 he was throwing up bile and had an emergency surgery to fix the perforation and put an illeo on him. This is is second illeo so it's on the left side this time. He was so sick from all of the stuff leaking into his body. It was the worst i've ever seen him. It was very scarry. I am not sure when I will know if this is permanent. He is going in tuesday to see if they can get rid of the mucus fistula because it leaks so much we can't keep a bag on his illeo for more than 24 hrs., but if he does have another j pouch they won't do it for at least a year from now. He needs some time to recover from all this. In answer to you other question.... Aaron is 13 his sister is 11 and he has a little brother who is 3. They are all coming up on b-days soon too.

Melinda

Elise - This is a great forum to let it out. Your daughter is very lucky to have a great mother like you.

AaronsMom13 - How is your son taking all of this? Like, Elise, he's lucky to have a great mother like you.

My mother's not the type to use this type of website but I know she's gone through all the feelings you women have. I wonder if it would have been easier on her to have had people in similar situations to talk to. I'm much older than your children but mothers are always mothers for their children at any age. It's got to be hard. God bless.

quote:

AaronsMom13 - How is your son taking all of this? Like, Elise, he's lucky to have a great mother like you.

ummm... he was pretty upset at first. He had just turned 4 the last time this happened and he doesn't remember everything, but this time he does. He was pretty mad at first. He said I never told him he would have this bag hanging on him. I really did tell him, but he does'nt remember. He was so sick he doesn't remember a week or so.
A new x-box 360 and an x-box live subscribtion has eased his frustrations some. He does have friends in the real world, but sleepovers are pretty impossible so the x-box live makes him feel he has more of a social life.
School is a little tough. He was only back for the last month or so of the school year, but he only went 2 or 3 times a week. Hopefully when school starts back up it'll be a little easier for him.
You are also absolutely right about it being hard for moms no matter what age the child is. I just want to protect him and I want him to be healthy. Life is tough enough without him having to go through all of this. I try to stay strong, but he has caught me crying a time or two and he immediately tells me "i'm fine, don't worry". I cannot help worrying about him. He is my child and I fear what is going to happen to him and I wish it we're me and not him. He is a child and he should not have to go through this.