Dr. Launer e-mailed me today that I can have my consultation on Dec. 3 and, if everything looks fine, the k-pouch surgery on Dec. 4. My insurance will pay for the surgery and my family is in support, except for my 10 year old daughter. (She is unhappy because I will miss her school musical and quite possibly will still be in San Diego at Christmas.) Now that the surgery is a reality, I am scared and I don't know if I am making the right decision. How do I decide????

It's very normal to be scared as surgery gets closer to being a reality.
How do you decide? Remember the reasons you wanted to have the Kock.If your not being home for Christmas is a factor, could you postpone the surgery till after the New Year?

I can live with not being home for Christmas once in my life. And if I wait until after 2007, I will be back to paying 20% of the cost of surgery instead of the insurance paying for all of it. You know when you go to get your hair cut after weeks or months of being sick of what it looks like but the day you are sitting in the salon chair for the cut, your hair looks pretty good? And you think maybe you shouldn't get it cut after all? On a much larger scale, that's how I am feeling about this surgery. I am so tired of my bag and I think it has actually caused me to have something of a personality change and to be a little depressed and not as much fun with my family as I used to be. And I think about the bag constantly even though it haasn't ever given me much trouble. I worry it will come loose or my cat will poke it with a claw or my niece will pop it when she runs and jumps on my lap, and on and on. And I haven't slept through a night for 4 years. But then I think maybe I should just leave well enough alone and not ask for more trouble, blah blah blah. So I just don't know what to decide. I want the surgery but I am scared of the process and the recovery and missing so much work. I haven't had a year without surgery since 2002. But I really want the surgery. So I think I should do it. I think. Aaaaahhh!

Jayne,
As I read your post my heart just flipped over because I went through EXACTLY the same things that you are. As the weeks drew closer to my surgery the doubts and fears came on strong. I kept asking myself, why am I doing this if I really am healthy? I did hate the bag but.... also I knew that they were going to remove my rectum and sew me shut and there's no going back from that! Sometimes I was on the verge of picking up the phone and backing out.
Obviously, I don't know you and your situation and what brought you here and I don't know what is best for you either, only you know that! But I can share what helped me to know that this was the RIGHT decision for me.
#1 my family supported my decision. That may seem small but knowing that made me realize this wasn't some crazy or selfish thing. They thought it was good for me too!
#2 Sat down and made a big pro-con list and put EVERYTHING on it from "little" things like just plain hating the bag to big things like recovery etc.
#3 Figuring out exactly what was making me doubt my decision. This was probably the hardest. For me I recognized it came down to my desire to just be normal. I realized that I kept thinking if I have this done I'll never be normal again. Once I came to grips with the fact that that bridge had been crossed long ago and this really would give me quality of life.... that made it easier for me to stick with it.

I'm so glad I did!!!!
Jayne I've lived without my colon since I was 13 (I'm 29 now) and the toilet and I have been attached at the hip a long time. I empty my pouch only 4 times a day and I do NOT get up at night. I hadn't slept through the night regularly in 15 years. That is a life-changing thing for me. I recently told my surgeon this and he was just grinning from ear to ear. He said I need to share my experience with other people
Was the recovery long? yes. Hard? yes.
I'd do it again. I love my kock pouch!

Sorry that was long-winded but your post just resonated with me so deeply I wanted to share. I hope this helps you as you struggle through the decision!

--
katie

Last night I wanted to come back and add this, but I was falling asleep

I'm going to give you a brief history of me:
In 1979 my general surgeon in Florida sent me to Mayo for the Kock pouch.My UC had run its course. There was no internet, this was a new surgery back then and I was clueless. But the surgeon said, "you are young, good shape, and newly married. I think you are a good candidate for this" So we went. For 24 years i lived happily with the Kock.Never got on the
internet , never needed help. Life was great.

At 24 years I started having problems, turned out to be a slipped nipple valve, something that can happen with a Kock. A surgeon, who does repairs but not new Kocks went into fix it but was unsuccessful and I came out of surgery with an end ileo (Brooke).I was not a happy camper.Mu husband would come home and ask" how are you doing today: and I would say "I'm trying to be happy" I cried and cried and felt guilty about being so depressed because I new how lucky I was to have my cognitive and physical abilities at 100%.

After almost 2 years with the end ileo I had a consult with Dr. Fazio who told me a second Kock was do-able. When he left the office I did a Happy dance.

I realize I was at an advantage having had the Kock before,but I went into surgery so excited knowing what my life would be like afterward. The moment I looked down and didn't see a bag I was back to my happy self.

Recovery is the hardest part of the surgery. Not rushing the process and following instructions is crucial.But you have a great support system on this board of people who have been there, done that!

And I know too well about the insurance..My surgery was in January.

You can pm me if you like with any questions.

I am tremendously grateful for the replies I received today. You all really know what I am talking about. Thank you thank you!

Hi Jayne
I know exactly how you feel.I had the same thoughts, if I feel fine then why not do it later. I just went through the same thing only a few months ago. A breif history of me, I had colon cancer 6 yrs ago and had gotten a colostomy due to it. I constantly got new growths and them removed. This time I had high grade dysplasia with more polyps. All my doctors agreed that I had to remove my colon. I was going to get cancer again for sure just a matter of time. I was not going to get an illeo and wear a bag! I had the colostomy and irrigated every night not to wear a bag(I work in the fashion industry and its always about what you look like). Dr. Milsom in NYC gave me a K pouch and I love it. This better than even my colostomy.I agree with kaybird! You will look and feel like everyone else! The best thing I ever had! The recovery is rough because of the constant drain you have for a month and the healing time for me was 2 1/2 months but if I had to do it all over again, I would in a second! The diet is fine, you get used to not eating certain foods, chewing everything very well and drinking grape juice. They are just small sacrifices I have to make compared to how great and liberated I am with this thing!
Sorry to go on so much but it was the best thing I did for my lifestyle!
Karmen