I'm wondering if any of you had painful intercourse soon after your j-pouch was finished. Does it get less painful as you continue to heal? Feeling a bit nervous but don't want to get too discouraged yet.

Don't be discouraged; give it a little more time. Try different positions; maybe use a lubricant. Things really improved with time for me.

Time will help. A good lubricant (such as Astroglide, no kidding!) is a must.

Gin

Slow it down...take your time and make sure that your partner does too...it is not about 'going all the way' in the begining but restablishing 'physical' communication with your partner...allowing your bodies to get to know eachother again....and discovering what works..for now..until the rest works too..and it will..but slowly once all of the swelling goes down...and things find their place natural place....
Good luck
Sharon

I'm so glad you brought this up. I have been having the same issues and am up for take down on the 30th. I just went to see my ob/gyn because I was having some other female issues and then this on top of it....he actually suggested I consider having my uterus removed when they did the take down!!! After discussing it with him a little further I think I have a better idea of what's going on. Apparently there is a lot of adhesions and scare tissue in that same area and that when you have sex it kind of rattles your uterus up against those tender areas. I am not opting to have the hysterectomy and have decided to do what these great people have already told you, slow down and give it time. Hard to do for any woman, but good advice. I'm not sure what your weight is, but he said that being thin makes it a bit worse at first, because there's less room in that general area. Anyway, just thought you might want to know what my gyn said, might be worth scheduling a visit with yours. Best of luck with everything. Looks like your in the countdown month like I am! Soon we will be going for final recovery. YAY!!!

Thank you for the suggestions, and thank you Ms. M for the insight from your gyno. hopefully time will take care of this

I also had painful intercourse after takedown. THen it became psychological, I thought that it was going to hurt and it did. But my gyno recommended astroglide and it worked alot better than ky jelly. I wonder if we have lubrication problems because of hydration issues? I would give it more time it seemed to take me 6 months to actually want sex. My poor husband! But I am almost a year out now and everything seemed to get back to normal with our sex life after 6 months. MY doctor said there is alot of inflammation down there after surgery so mabey when that calms down you will enjoy things more. Good luck!

I thought I was going a little crazy not wanting sex in the first place. I'm trying to tell myself my body has gone through a lot and just needs time to re-adjust. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's gone through this!

I just had my takedown April 30th and had some major complications again and was finally discharged June 4th. I am so missing that intimacy, but not even thinking about it. My poor husband is climbing the walls. I know its hard on those of us that have gone through surgery, but man is it rough on the spouses to see us go through all this. I'm trying to remember that there are other ways to show my love and affection and that time will allow us a chance for those relations later. Hope we all find comfort and normalcy after this long journey. Best wishes to you all.

I am 9 months out from a long series of surgeries...and a long break from normal relations too... I tried really hard to get back into things as soon as possible post op (usually around 6-10 weeks post op!) but it wasn't always possible...and the desire wasn't there either. Hubby was understading and I found out later 'turned off' too. His fear of hurting me or making things 'worse' stressed him out as much as my fear did to me. But neither of us dared to talk about it. We tried to go through the motions, feably, but with little enthousiasm...
Now we are coming out of our hybernation. It has been a month or two that he actually wants me and I am 'reactive'. Last week was the first time in a very long time that I wanted him first.
The healthier I look and feel the more he desires me and the better I feel about my body the more it responds.
You just have to give yourself permission to heal and give hubby the reassurance that it will come back, soon. But that too soon could lead to anxiety and extra stress.
And maybe use a little imagination for the rest
Sharon

I am 4 months since my first surgery and have been married 5 months! We have only had sex once since the surgery. I wanted to heal a bit, now I"m concerned about the bag and him squooshing the stoma. When we had sex the first and only time so far, I taped up the bag and made sure I emptied it and he was great in not putting his whole weight on it. I thought that it would hurt so we went slow, it didn't hurt, thank God. But it did feel like I was loosing my virginity again, and then we just went slow. I was afraid of him going any faster. I'm afraid that I will hurt my jpouch. Has anyone had this concern besides me and "have at it" without concern?

In France they say that 'where there is discomfort/uncomfort there can be no pleasure'...it is true...you have to feel relaxed and comfortable to feel good enough to enjoy yourself...
You did right by taking it slowly...but yes, I think that most of us feel like we are going to 'hurt' the pouch, crush the stoma, squish the bag etc...or worse..my fear was that he was going to knock my pouch off of the wall or rip something..
You have got to get to know your anatomy again and take your time doing it...it is still very swollen (up to 12 months for all of the swelling to go down) and you may feel different kinds of ache and pains during sex that you never felt before...and that will probably dissapear in time...but for now..take your time and let your body heal...and learn what feels good together...you may want to try some new or different positions that put less pressure on the pouch/scar/bag etc...look up the positions for pregnant women in the last trimester..on your side for example or others that put no pressure on your belly....
Sharon

Hi armywife,
Just a quick suggestion. Maybe try having your husband enter from behind rather then the normal missionary position,sorry i don't wanna sound crude. This position puts less pressure on the pouch,so less pain and discomfort.
Good luck and just try not to stress too much about it,things will get easier and better.

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